I am so sick of falling short of your expectations.
You look at me and expect me to be the one you want.
I am me.
If I am not the one you want then go,
because I shall never be she.
Go. Go, because you will never be what I need.
You will never be he.
He is kind, smart, and values me.
He is no one I know,
and certainly not you.
Go.
Go, because I am telling you so.
Take your **** with you.

Your lips, Baby.
God, oh God.
Candy coated sin.
That tongue,
tickling my throat,
lapping up my ***...
yum.
I taste myself on your lips,
warm juices dripping from your chin.
More.
Nip me there.
More.
You know what I need.
Yet, I am never satisfied.
Never bored.
Mmmm.
Your sweat mixed with wine.
Your eyes locked on mine.
Do you like my eyes, Baby?
The cool blue emitting heat.
My mouth?
The way rose lips part
....waiting....
begging for you, any part of you.
And, my my my...
Mine.
You are mine, tonight.
Do you like the way I taste?
I arch?
I moan?
More.
I need more.
Now.
Right, now.

I am not supposed to want you, but I do.
Is it so wrong to need?
You say I am something special.
You never quite say what that means.
I am only a woman.
Another afraid to live yet unwilling not to.
What is it I am looking for?
If I don't know, then will I know it when I find it?
I bite my tongue.
I keep quiet.
But,  you hear me.
You see me.

I need no reminder.
You are who you are.
I know you by heart.
I need no glory.
I do not care if the world ever hears my name.
I only need to hear it as a whisper fallen off wide lips in the night.
I am acustumed to sharing you.
You are who you are.
I am not so impressed with THAT you.
What impresses me is the you underneath.
The you that brings trembling fingers to my lips.
The you that laughs with me and holds conversations with the stars.
I need no spot light.
I am content to shine for you and only you.
You.
You shine for the world to see.
But, not tonight.
Tonight, I take you into me and we shine for each other.

I'd like to thank my father on this Father's Day for all the things he did not do.

He did not teach me to tie a knot, stand up to bullies, or catch a ball.  He did not tuck me in at night, I never went to a father-daughter dance, no one was there to give the boys the evil eye or make certain I was home at curfew.

He was not a safe place to run to when I was hurting. And, I was being hurt in the most unspeakable ways. He did not defend me. He did not ask. He doesn't even know.

He never called me "princess" or "sweetheart". I never danced on his toes.

At my wedding no tender moment was had. No song played while he regrettably accepted that I was now grown.

He never knew the joy of bouncing his grandchildren on his knees...or his daughter and son for that matter.

I am forever grateful to him.

Grateful to have lived and grown without him by my side. To have learned my own way, become my own protector and provider.

Thank you, Father, sincerely. If you would have stayed I may had become something like you.