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Bull headed stubborn, never conquered, he...
My Father.

A hearty laugh, with anger never far away;
A choking voice; emotions had their way
With him, and when he sang alone,
Heading for the barn, he sang Handel
So we heard him clear in every valley.

When only grass and leaves were "Green,"
He saved everything he thought might be of use:
Red tape from old banana sales,
("Never know when tape will come in handy!")
Bagging string wrapped on a stick,
("You can't have enough string!")
Rusty wire in spools from some old fence,
("Carry some with you for emergencies.")
Dirtied engine oil in metal barrels,
(To soak wood posts and make them last),
Scrap iron by the ton,
("Boys, weld these into fences!")
Semi loads of **** seed screenings,
("Cheap and adds protein to the feed!" )
Even burned out light bulbs...
(He never gave me a good reason;
One bulb's enough to **** a sock.)

"Never know when this may come in handy!"
His constant motto.

A complicated man I never could unravel,
Honest to an inch, sometimes, yet shrewd to miser-dom,
Then crafty in some deal that left me blushing,
Only to turn around and sacrifice to see a neighbor thrive.

Drove sad old cars no one would want,
And made us work for most things that we sought,
Then gave such gifts to others
As would stun my mind to thought.

I have him by a hundred pounds,
Am taller by a head,
But deep inside, I am convinced
I'll never measure up in height or depth.

I'm not sure that I want to.
Another about my father
It happened.
The piece of glass held hostage in my heart has been shattered,
tiny shards leaving marks and scabs not yet formed.
A scale broken,
a heart now open to taste freedom.
The joy,
the relief,
the regret.
Morning comes and a chance to start over has arrived yet again.
Do I dare put that in my body?
Do I risk gaining what I do not wish to gain?
This battle in my mind continues to rage,
my decision not yet made.
Then I hear it.
A voice much greater than that of the lion roaring inside of me speaks,
the gentleness of his tone soothing to the mind of the little girl that is me.
"It's okay, my child. It's okay."
Another meal gone, another victory won,
another lion tamed.
Around the table, literacy discussion
Turns elitist...
Bemoaning some poor Johnny,
Son of a plumber who does not read
Beyond the practical need,
And has no desire to.

I stop to check my sense of what I have just heard...
Am transported back to a prairie farm
And think of my Father, now in his eighties
Who still feels no need and no sense of loss
For not having read Shakespeare or Kant
For missing Milton's Paradises and Hemingway,
For by-passing Black Elk Speaks and C.S. Lewis.

Every morning, he reads his Bible;
Some nights he reads the mail's
Motley collection of literature:
Ads and politicians and fanatics,
Demanding money and his time,
But mostly money.

"I don't have time to read!"
He shouts, when I suggest a novel.
What literature he has is in his head,
Poems memorized when he was a boy
In a two room school, or
His own lines, written as a young man,
Describing work and friends
Long distant now, but still alive
In memory.

Dad taught me how to read
In different literacies and different texts:
Nuances of sky to read the weather -
What chill or storm or drought was on its way;
Cows and calves and bulls -
Which one was sick or well, dry or bred;
Equipment to diagnose mechanical ailments;
Metals to know which welding rod applied;
Grain, rolled crisp between his hands, a test of ripeness...
Cement to find the perfect mix,
So many literacies...
Dad, the Master Reader of them all...
No wonder he'd no time for books.
Father's Day Memorial
Forecaster's greatest joy
The weather equivalent
Of the sacking of Troy...
Hell and damnation
Aloft in the clouds,
Heavenly wrath from
Funnel-ish shrouds.

My father wakes,
Prepares for chores,
Quick breakfast takes,
Throws on his coat,
Slides boots for wet or dry
On his aging feet,
Heads to the barn
In every weather,
Adjusting to the wind
And sun and precipitation,
Weatherman or no,
Undaunted if he sees
Hard rains
Or falling snow.
Putting some rough drafts into final form....
Don't bother me...
Don't bother me...

The snow or rain or wind
You bring
Are only temporary flings,
Changing the golds and the blues
For a day and then blown away....

Gray skies,
Fling your snow,
Spew your rain,
Blow your gales again,
And leave the soil moist,
The air swept clean,
The birds returning with the Spring,
And I will soon rejoice
In yellow sun and green.

Gray skies don't bother me.
How gaily fair, and fairly gay
This child of May
To skip past cares and dance away
Her childhood in a day
And leave behind her fairy form
And form so fair
As though her bones
And not her soul
Could dance on air.

How quickly soon and soon and quick
Comes age and care and body thick!
When only eyes and spirits dance
And fairy form and form so fair
Are vanished with the flaxen hair.

Now dance, my child, with spirits free,
Before the careless days all flee,
And as I watch, my heart once more
Will lift with you and gaily soar.
Poems come from our inner pain,
Bleeding out and down the drain,
Pulling readers into our woe,
Chilling hearts like falling snow.

I will rebel against this trend
And bring my whining to an end
By listing blessings yet untold
While I am well and growing old.

First, let me thank the Lord above
For giving wife and children that I love,
And then for parents, growing old
Who gave me principles to hold.

And then for friends for staying true
Across the years and distance, too.
For work I've always found rewarding
And health to work from early morning.

For homes I've run to, needing rest,
And roads to travel in the West,
And opportunities to fly the distant breeze:
Canada and China, West Coast and Belize.

For clothing and for food in easy reach,
For education and for students to teach,
For restful nights and active days,
For knowing where to send my praise....

Forgive me, Lord, ungrateful as I often am,
And thank you, Father, once again,
For grace and mercy, joy and peace
And time to thank you for life's lease.
Impossible for me to e'er repay,
My thankfulness goes up today.
Work in progress.... Thankful.

— The End —