here i am sifting through images in my head again,
and i’m still not really sure which ones are from now
and which ones are from then.
all i know is that time has lost meaning,
and i don’t have the energy to fight.
i still feel you on top of me most nights.
i’m sorry.
i’m so sorry,
and i don’t really know for what,
i guess i was praying those words
would make you stop?
but those prayers went unanswered
i wasn’t strong enough to push you off.
and that was the night that i lost god.
as a kid i used to pray before going to bed,
but ever since god left me, i’ve been writing
and rewriting suicide notes in my head.
its ironic because they sound much like a prayer
god, please take me home i don’t want to be here.