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 Jan 2015 Tara Hill
honey
[Ive been smoking a lot
and im starting to doubt
if im breathing you in
or smoking you out]

most nights I miss you
but im no longer sure
if the pain that I feel
can ever be cured

its hard to explain what its like to be numb
but its poisoned my mind
like the smoke in my lungs

now my burdens are heavy
they're breaking my bones
its weighing me down
to know im alone

but this sadness is comfortable
and I know what to do
ill collapse into it
like I collapsed into you

Ill let it consume me
and the thoughts in my head
to try and forget
the words that you said

but no matter hard I try
to wash you away
I see smudges of you
on me everyday

[and now I lay like you once did in my bed-
I lie like you
Im lost in your head]
 Mar 2014 Tara Hill
Hailey P
Hooked
 Mar 2014 Tara Hill
Hailey P
Theres plenty of fish in the sea.
But at least take the hook out of my mouth
before tossing me back in the ocean.
So I can move on.
 Feb 2014 Tara Hill
Someone
This is not the story of the sun and moon. I am selfish and afraid of getting hurt. I will trace your veins and swim in the galaxies of your heart, but will never be able to stay with you.
2. My head is always preoccupied with the thought “Will I still get into Heaven if I **** myself?” I neglect to believe in Heaven, or Hell. Yet, I’m always wondering if a special pardon will be made.
3. I will leave you. Either because of death, or self-loathing; you will be left.
4. I become too infatuated with the fictional characters that live inside my books. I will finish a book, then curl into a ball and cry; a piece of me now torn and lost forever.
5. I will want to do nothing more than lay in bed with you and listen to my old records. To explore your mind, to explore your body. I will want all of you.
6. I will love you too deeply. The love would be like drowning in a black body of water. It will be heart-stopping. Crushing. More passionate than a fire set to burn down an entire village.
7. My mental illness will scare you away. You must be able to hold me while I am breaking. You must be able to control me while I’m angry. You must be able to stop me from jumping off of that balcony right above you, and I don’t think you can do that.
8. You must be prepared to spend days at a time in my bed, in the most innocent of ways. You must be able to just be with me. No talking, just being.
9. I oh, so desperately want to please you. You will get too attached.
10. Lastly, I am a broken individual. You can’t fix me. I need you to help me. I need you to be there for me. When I’m sobbing, I need you. When I think of my sister, I need you. When I get kicked out, I need you. I need you. I need you always.
                                And you simply can’t handle it.
I know this isn't my best, but I had to get it out there.
I'd like to believe that soulmates are forever.
That you can fall in love with someone
who is meant perfectly for you.
Someone whose body fits next to yours
like two pieces of a puzzle.
Who curves in all the right places
to fit in to the gaps between your heartstrings.

A soulmate isn't forever.

But
there is a kind of intimacy that comes with being a soulmate
and it's so much more than just ***
or skin on skin
with clothes on the floor
and the lights turned way down low
and tangled sheets and secret smiles.
It's an intimacy that comes with knowing
their hopes and dreams and secrets
and
having a deep connection that can't be replaced.

Soulmates aren't forever.
But oh, how I wish they were.
I'd really like feedback on this. I wrote this after reading many poems dealing with the idea of a soulmate and I don't really even know what a soulmate is or how to find one.
 Feb 2014 Tara Hill
Jay
Please, touch me.
I can't remember how long it's been
since I've felt skin against mine.
I've been in such a horrible rut.
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