Dizzy eyes scan the surface
Spinning world, ringing ears
Bomb shell shattered
Unknown purpose
Her mouth moves
But I can't hear

There's no comfort
out here to bask in
Angels lie and
demons laughing
Evil sings when
the bringer brings
The blueprint of
a broken dream

Clearly she played
her game
And in the end
it's all the same
And in the end
it's all the same...

Isn't it funny how others are quick to judgment
And ignore others without a sense of acknowledgment
Some are  broken, while some hold the pieces together
But just because some can appear balanced
Doesn't mean that they are any better

You are the morning to a dark night,
Giving me hope, when I lose sight
You are the lesson of patience,
You have taught me pure dedication

You have loved me when I could not love myself
You broke down my walls when all else failed
Although you may have doubts of your own
Know you will never face them alone

Just as you have shown me to love living
And given me a reason to keep believing
I will be there if you ever lose it all
To be your base, when you start to fall

Just as you have told me, it's okay to not be okay
I will be here if your mind ever wanders astray
Just as you have been a friend to me
I will be the same for you

I wish you well, and much love,
on your birthday,
kisses and hugs.

you were crying at my window at dawn
& your hair was only adding to the flood
i hadn't gotten out of bed
remembering how our souls danced undressed
in lovely weather on the fringes of a fair
you looked like a red bird in the morning sun
i just lay there, stolen by your shining face

i've been a barbarian most of my life
stop me if you've heard this one before
my blind approach to the steep paths of the labyrinth
plunging hard & immediately untraceable
i am a rude ghost ******* to your friends
feigning imagined mystery like the
stage door of a circus tent
that day was beautiful and the sky clear
carrying mute birds with paper messages
but the rain is on it's way

but sometimes, most nights
i am a lamb upon your altar
when i recall how i asked you
where you want to be buried
i said i would search for it
with a hand grenade
& you asked me the name
of the town where i was born

& if i am an animal
i am one of the few that is self-destructive
i will bring the empire thundering down
i have chewed through my beautiful muscle
to get out of that southern state & into your door
with my face against the wet gold leaves
& my nose burned black from the snow & wind

“Hey Mark. It’s Hope. Um, hey. So I know that I’ve left you quite a lot of voicemails in the past few days. I just couldn’t stop worrying about where you were and…and you know how I get. So, finally, I called Rita. And she told me where you were. And now I get it! I understand why you aren’t calling me back. It’s not because you don’t like me anymore or that you’ve grown bored of me, no! It’s not that at all. It’s because…well, it’s because you’re dead. And I know that you’ll never get this and I’m talking into an empty void right now. I can almost hear you laughing at me, saying that I’m just a tree falling in a forest with no one around to hear. But that’s comforting, in a weird way. Especially because of the previous voicemails I left, before I knew where you were. I mean, Jesus, those were so embarrassing just thinking about them makes me want to die! But I’m not dead. You are. Um. Well, I just called because I wanted you to know that you…you were different. You are different. Just because you’ve died doesn’t mean you’re suddenly not   sweet or intelligent or courageous or loving. Now that you’re gone my world is a blur full of colors and light but lacking all definition. I went to your work yesterday. All of your coworkers were swarming around me and I just stared and couldn’t recognize anyone. Not even Rita. I had to ask her name, I was so humiliated. And she…she did something that you used to do to comfort me. I doubt she even knew she was doing it. She must’ve picked it up from you or something. Um. She started to massage my hands, you know, like you would do when I would get too scared to breathe. And I closed my eyes. I swear, I swear that in that moment it was you. I know it was you. You were there calming me down, helping me breathe. And I finally could. For the first time in years, I could. But then she asked how I was feeling and I had to open my eyes. I said I didn’t know. I don’t know. I do know that I miss you. I think it’s funny that when I talk about you to others, and I talk about missing you, I can say it in the present tense but when I say that I love you, it sounds wrong. Like they expect me to say that I loved you, as if my devotion stopped the second your heart did. I still love you. I did and I do and I will. I just don’t know if I can ever-" *Message deleted. Press 1 to record again.