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 Feb 2014 Tamanna
Dark Smile
I failed a test for the first time in my life.
I failed.
Does the results of one test make me a failure?
I mean, people have failed many times before!
Then why,
does this failure affect me so much?
I try so hard to be perfect.
Not a toe out of line.
Balancing my studies and passion for acting.
I've been able to do it for the past three years!
Why am I crumbling now?
Did perfection leave cracks on the inside that could not be seen?
Was perfection something I used to covered up the imperfections?
I can see them all.
The blemishes,
The flaws.
Makes my skin itch.
It's not perfect.
It's not in order!
It's not the way it should be!
I'm not the way I should be
 Feb 2014 Tamanna
Dizzy eyes scan the surface
Spinning world, ringing ears
Bomb shell shattered
Unknown purpose
Her mouth moves
But I can't hear

There's no comfort
out here to bask in
Angels lie and
demons laughing
Evil sings when
the bringer brings
The blueprint of
a broken dream

Clearly she played
her game
And in the end
it's all the same
And in the end
it's all the same...
 Feb 2014 Tamanna
 Feb 2014 Tamanna
On rainy days
I think of you
The rain reminds me of how gloomy I have become
And on sunny days,
I think of you
The sun reminds me of how radiant I use to be
When you were alive
I think when you left,
So did my sun
Stuck with gray hazy days
When you died
So did my happiness
I miss you so much.
 Feb 2014 Tamanna
Selena Brianna
You said to trust in you.
As the walls shifted and doors cracked,
as the gasoline dripped and you attacked,
as the ashes piled behind our backs,
you said to trust in you.
You said we'll be okay.
Days, months, years passed by,
my worries transitioned into war cries,
your stern actions became civil in my eyes,
you said we'll be okay.
You said please don't go.
My feeble body couldn't withstand your hold,
your reoccurring apologies soon became foretold,
as the beast inside of you came out and controlled,
you said please don't go.
You said I love you.
Those powerful words meticulously said,
pierced me - all at once there was red,
your pastel lips gently glided onto my forehead,
You said I loved you.

Isn't it funny how others are quick to judgment
And ignore others without a sense of acknowledgment
Some are  broken, while some hold the pieces together
But just because some can appear balanced
Doesn't mean that they are any better

You are the morning to a dark night,
Giving me hope, when I lose sight
You are the lesson of patience,
You have taught me pure dedication

You have loved me when I could not love myself
You broke down my walls when all else failed
Although you may have doubts of your own
Know you will never face them alone

Just as you have shown me to love living
And given me a reason to keep believing
I will be there if you ever lose it all
To be your base, when you start to fall

Just as you have told me, it's okay to not be okay
I will be here if your mind ever wanders astray
Just as you have been a friend to me
I will be the same for you

I wish you well, and much love,
on your birthday,
kisses and hugs.
My best firends birthday is coming up and I decided to write her something, I figured it's more meaningful than anthing that can be bought.
 Feb 2014 Tamanna
Are human beings programmed to stay?
"Beginning to end"
could be programmed into a person's make-up but
disregard of human design is detrimental to
everyone around that human.
For everyone involved,
getting hurt is inevitable.
Help is not on its way,
instead you are left to fend for yourself.
Just waking up could become impossible,
killing yourself slowly through
love or cigarettes or
more drugs and alcohol than the city could handle.
Nothing could ever
open up the world of
pain better than
quarreling with your own demons.
Reaching out for a hand that
stops reaching for yours
teaches self-harm better than
underdeveloped scars ever could.
Veins are paint trays begging to be opened,
watered down with the
x-ray's of splintered bones from the first hit.
Your pain is inevitable,
zipping with the force of unrequited love.
 Feb 2014 Tamanna
 Feb 2014 Tamanna
I can hear  her yelling out to me. She's inviting me to come closer, to fall into her trap. She's got the eyes of the devil, and the lips of an angel.
She tries to find ways to entrap my body; to really get under my skin. Her hair falls in brown curls down her spiny back. Her bony hands reach up to hold my own, and I'm stuck.
I'm stuck between two worlds. I can't find out what is reality and what is made up. My mind is set on the girl in my mirror. Her red lips gnawing my neck. Her fragile legs around my waist.
She's screaming my name. Mine! She's pulling my own curly, brown mane. She's locking those beautiful lips onto me own.
I blink, and she's off of me. I look at my mirror, hoping she's staring back at me. All I can see is her from behind. She's turned her back on me, and I'm desperate to know why. I reach my hand out to her, but all I can feel is solid glass.
She turns, a smile tugging on her lips, and vanishes.
 Jan 2014 Tamanna
david badgerow
you were crying at my window at dawn
& your hair was only adding to the flood
i hadn't gotten out of bed
remembering how our souls danced undressed
in lovely weather on the fringes of a fair
you looked like a red bird in the morning sun
i just lay there, stolen by your shining face

i've been a barbarian most of my life
stop me if you've heard this one before
my blind approach to the steep paths of the labyrinth
plunging hard & immediately untraceable
i am a rude ghost ******* to your friends
feigning imagined mystery like the
stage door of a circus tent
that day was beautiful and the sky clear
carrying mute birds with paper messages
but the rain is on it's way

but sometimes, most nights
i am a lamb upon your altar
when i recall how i asked you
where you want to be buried
i said i would search for it
with a hand grenade
& you asked me the name
of the town where i was born

& if i am an animal
i am one of the few that is self-destructive
i will bring the empire thundering down
i have chewed through my beautiful muscle
to get out of that southern state & into your door
with my face against the wet gold leaves
& my nose burned black from the snow & wind
 Jan 2014 Tamanna
Haley Rome
“Hey Mark. It’s Hope. Um, hey. So I know that I’ve left you quite a lot of voicemails in the past few days. I just couldn’t stop worrying about where you were and…and you know how I get. So, finally, I called Rita. And she told me where you were. And now I get it! I understand why you aren’t calling me back. It’s not because you don’t like me anymore or that you’ve grown bored of me, no! It’s not that at all. It’s because…well, it’s because you’re dead. And I know that you’ll never get this and I’m talking into an empty void right now. I can almost hear you laughing at me, saying that I’m just a tree falling in a forest with no one around to hear. But that’s comforting, in a weird way. Especially because of the previous voicemails I left, before I knew where you were. I mean, Jesus, those were so embarrassing just thinking about them makes me want to die! But I’m not dead. You are. Um. Well, I just called because I wanted you to know that you…you were different. You are different. Just because you’ve died doesn’t mean you’re suddenly not   sweet or intelligent or courageous or loving. Now that you’re gone my world is a blur full of colors and light but lacking all definition. I went to your work yesterday. All of your coworkers were swarming around me and I just stared and couldn’t recognize anyone. Not even Rita. I had to ask her name, I was so humiliated. And she…she did something that you used to do to comfort me. I doubt she even knew she was doing it. She must’ve picked it up from you or something. Um. She started to massage my hands, you know, like you would do when I would get too scared to breathe. And I closed my eyes. I swear, I swear that in that moment it was you. I know it was you. You were there calming me down, helping me breathe. And I finally could. For the first time in years, I could. But then she asked how I was feeling and I had to open my eyes. I said I didn’t know. I don’t know. I do know that I miss you. I think it’s funny that when I talk about you to others, and I talk about missing you, I can say it in the present tense but when I say that I love you, it sounds wrong. Like they expect me to say that I loved you, as if my devotion stopped the second your heart did. I still love you. I did and I do and I will. I just don’t know if I can ever-" *Message deleted. Press 1 to record again.
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