She leaned in so close I could smell a trace of that fancy tea she sips every morning, and she whispered “What does falling in love feel like?”
I laughed,
“Have you ever spun around and around so fast you lose track of e v e r y t h i n g if only for a moment? Arms outstretched. Laughing. For those precious moments nothing else in the world matters; you take flight. You think, “maybe I don’t ever have to fall.” But of course you do fall, helplessly, to the ground and just lie there as the world spins around you. That’s what falling in love feels like.

Our politicians preach hope
While our nation struggles to cope
Stacking woman into binders
Deaf to all but hired reminders
Treaties & agreements for peace
While riots rage on in Greece
Told that we are doing just fine
As more join the food stamp line
American banks engorged with greed
Planting in free soil a debt ridden seed
The next Great Depression has already begun
& It matters not which candidate has won
With our cancer ridden healthcare
Attempts like duc-tape to repair
Voting to raise the debt ceiling
An American father kneeling
Praying to God to find a job
While outside “we the people” form a mob
The 99% chanting in the streets
Stubborn legislatures don’t budge from seats
C-span listens to recipes from cookbooks
A dull murmur of televised crooks
Unemployment continues to rise
Prophets sure of the world’s demise

Can I be close to you?
Hold you the whole night through?
When the day is engulfing night,
can we strangle a ray of light?

In the morning when I wake,
there will be nothing more of me to take.
Will you still want me then?
To rediscover where you have already been?

Can I still be close to you?
When you’ve had what you pursue?
Is there a piece of me, some fragmented part,
you can love with a sightless heart?

Feet on the dash
We smoked the stash
Threw out the ash
& Tried not to crash

The smoke hangs
In the sun’s lazy rays
You brushed away my bangs
As we continued to blaze

Maybe it’s you
Maybe it’s the high
But this feels like déjà vu
& I still don’t know why

I drink just to feel
What I had with you
I drink to bend like steel
I imagine you do too

I drink because I don’t remember
What actually occurred
That dark December
When shifty lies became blurred

She wore forget-me-nots
in her hair, but every morning
they only called her darling.

Numb me with marijuana
Grown somewhere in Tijuana
Excite me with a line
Pretty soon I’ll be feelin’ fine
Money can buy me happiness

Meet me in the back of the bar
Smoke that musky Cuban cigar
Touch me with manicured hands
Glinting diamonds of wedding bands
Money can buy me happiness

Traded morals for skyscrapers
A Hampton house with too many acres
Smoothing down in a velvet gown
Baby don’t you see? I own this town.
Money can buy me happiness.

Paint me a picture with ink of gold
Sculpt me a statue of my e m p t y mold

Weave me a dress with your fingertips
Show me your world through sunken lips

Can’t you see? You’re an artist
Unable to clutch a brush with a fist

Release your rage on a white frame
& Tell me that I’m all to blame

Sip up my fragile strength- spit it like fire
Continue to be my hearts latest desire

Sparkles litter the floor
I make my way to the door
Cracked open like the sky
I reach to close my dress
Never been guilty of saying no
Crimson shame’s burning aglow

We stared out the back window at the painted lines making patterns on the highway. I got lost in the flickering of a broken headlight barreling towards us, but you only focused on the red brake lights of the cars that passed us by. We never turned around because we were too afraid of what might be right in front of us, so holding hands we stared out the back window, and watched the industrial river flow away from us.

"Lights will guide you home"
she smiled
& The world around us
spiraled

Stars tangled in her hair
As she danced across the sky
Motioning me forward- a dare
I never thought to ask why

Her moonlit skin pulled me
To follow in the wake of her sea
& as we drowned in the sky
I kissed a world without her goodbye

I realized the other day
That poetry has become
How I color in the gray
How I scrape up the ****
And salvage it

At times I think it’s nonsense
Stanzas of here and there
Of love and its expense
A sad whispered prayer
To someone, to no one

But looking back
To how I wrote then
And how I crack
Like leaky pottery when
I write now

I understand
Who I was then
& How unplanned
time and time again
I find myself alone

My brain fogs up
An overflowing cup
At the bottom of the ocean
I’ve lost control of my motion

My eyes are glazed
I’m already completely blazed
What happened to my control?
I’m nothing but a lost soul

Rather than grow up
she grew into herself
finding more alleyways
of her imagination to follow
and more tangled thoughts
to comb through.

I thought,
“her nail polish is chipping”
that one I bought her
when we got lost in rite aid
and she stole a bottle of wine
and offered me my first line
in the back of Robby’s Volvo.
Her nail polish is chipping
and she’s digging the polish into my chest
I hear her breathing moisten
and I close my eyes to her light
as if it hurts to look at her straight.
No one has ever accused me
of being a man
so I sit back and let her lips
make me feel like one.

Caterpillar afternoon,
mom and daddy are home soon.
I stretch out on unkempt grass
a cat counts its claws,
I count clouds through blue glass.

A hairy man looks over my fence,
I feel my stomach tense.
A crooked finger says, “come here”
the ground grips me like a vice
Muscles ice with fear

I run towards the screen door
stumbling on a muddy marble floor.
A screen, lock between me and the lawn,
I peak through a curtained window,
and he’s gone.

I want to crack your ribs open
to see if your lungs
are scorched black
from dented memories
you don’t understand quite yet,
from misinterpretating documentaries
and mellow cigarettes.

I toed the edges
Of the crystal lake
Slid down muddy edges
Bitten by Eden’s snake

Now I dip my toes
& you laugh at my caution
You gently pull at my clothes
& I give myself to the passion

But I’ve never breathed
In sickly sweet water
Yet you pulled me in teasing
& my lungs began to falter

My chest yearns for the shore
I’m drowning in those eyes
There’s no air left anymore
I’m sick of honest lies

In ***** socks
& with rusty hearts
we’d swing off docks
Throwing mindless darts

Cooked deep tan
Freckled cheekbone
A sizzling dripping pan
We didn’t answer the phone

Swinging into a wide lake
On a salty afternoon
Restless but wide awake
In a humid summer’s June

Downing a bottle of wine
We stole from your brother
Watching the sun lick the horizon line
The night dropping in to smother

Can we go back to the days?
When we weren’t caught in this maze
But instead in the suns rays
We lived in a lovely blue haze

I’m the moon
Orbiting around your pull
I’m the humid june
Wrapped around you like wool

I’m the palm
Of God’s trembling hands
I’m a ticking bomb
The Saharan sands

I’m the forever
I said I never could be
I’m your latest endeavor
As alive as the Dead Sea

Squiggee the doubt
stuck against my glass soul
like the insects on road trip windshields
at a gas station in Oklahoma

Smooth your iron hands
over my wrinkled thoughts
hang me up to dry
on telephone wires

Seep me in your tea pots
add sugar to my bitterness
let your tongue undo the knots
I tied like cherry stems

Catch me
like rain in the desert
cup me in your fleshy palms
and pour me down your throat
so I can cool your fireplace chest

Let me in
past the threshold of skin on skin
and I’ll hold the boy underneath
without the brushes of careful words
I’ll listen to your muted chords

I was standing in the airport this morning
and thinking of our first kiss,
When I realized I should write you this letter.
I’ve bought a ticket to somewhere far away
a place I know you won’t follow me,
where no one knows my name.

It’s best if you forgot my name
since by next Tuesday morning
you won’t know where to find me.
You’ll know it’s gone, that kiss
and that I’m even father away.
That’s why I’m writing you this letter.

I imagine you’ll burn the crinkled letter
and curse that you ever asked my name
curse my blush when you asked to go out with me.
How you woke up at dawn that morning
How you brushed chocolate off my lips with a kiss
You’d curse you ever fell in love with me

When you escaped to San Francisco with me
you saw all my writing, the poetry, the letters.
You read a poem about dove’s kissing
and you said you loved me by name.
When we woke up in a hotel that first morning
The world couldn’t have felt farther away

But I had plans to fly away
My future wouldn’t make room for you and me
I couldn’t always wake up to you in the morning
I knew one day I’d have to write this letter
That one day I would try and fail to forget your name
That I’d always feel the pressure of that kiss

God, if I could go back to that first kiss
I would push you away
I would tell you to forget my name
To forget everything you would love about me
So I’d never have to send this letter
and wake up so  a l o n e  in the morning

Kiss the memory of me
away and touch the flame to the letter
Sincerely, a nameless girl you loved yesterday morning

I feel your lips
Pressing against mine
You running fingertips
Along the contours of my spine

I see the shape
Of your calloused palm
Sprinkled freckles across your nape
The shiver behind your calm

Your scent lingers
In the tangles of my hair
You ensnaring your fingers
Robbing me of air

I hear the rumble
In your haunted chest
Of the nightmares in your slumber
That keep you from rest

But I can’t understand you
& the depth of your sadness
I wonder if I’ll ever know
The taste of your madness

Grab my waist
Pop a pill
Morals misplaced
Another refill?
Yes, please
Sit on your lap?
You’re such a tease
Bridge the gap
Your words are sticky
But your tongue sweet
A quickie
In the back seat
Hot box
Exhale and repeat
If the devil knocks
Tell him I’m long gone

A blind man asked me
what i was looking for
sobbing on the kitchen floor
I blinked and saw oblivion

A deaf man played
the sweetest music I’ve heard
the notes feathered and frayed
it was more than I could ask for

A mute woman spoke
of a black sort of peace
that’s louder than words
and softer than fleece

Men have feared much greater things
of colossal serpents with devils wings
but I only fear the greater good
and if you only knew, you would

I dream of you at dawn
Still dressed in lacy chiffon
Making coffee while I yawn

I dream of you in the sky
When I climb up high
& re-learn how to fly

I dream of you at noon
Of lemon sun in June
Kissing atop a sand dune

I dream of you at sunset
Of everything I regret
Your fading silhouette

I dream of you at night
In black and white
And everything comes to light
A past I can never rewrite

Wring me out
I’m sick of
All the doubt
That love
Brings

Some kids lit fireworks on the beach
the noise crackled against the houses
sitting quietly on the dune.

The white flashes looked like stars
that burnt out too early,
sorta like you and me

I noticed the shadows
Your eyelashes display.
Your spine the string of a piano
Wound too tight to play

I noticed the words
You never let spill
I could hear the chords
Before you froze them still

I noticed when I yelled
You loved me less
In the distance bells knelled
You watched me undress

We got so caught up in antics
We forgot time for romantics
So caught up in tomorrow's jig
We forgot how the stars got so big.

So why don't we burn away the stress
and re-teach our hearts to fluoresce
With the friction of a constant embrace
I'll inhale your exhale, we can survive in space

They say, "good things come if you wait."
I've fallen in love six, seven, eight,
but somehow I find you worth holding the door for
God laughs at my girlish delusions
love is a trap door.

Let's fire up that last joint 
in hopes of getting higher 
Boy, I hope you see the point 
the beauty in the fire 

Cigarettes and coke 
I think my mama thinks I'm broke 
I’m a juiced up ****** know it all
and I’ve never met a glass too tall

Afternoons on balconies 
Where the sun don't meet the streets 
It's me all all my phonies 
Just hitting sound repeats

I am a walking glass
Transparent
An overflowing rim
I hope it’s not too apparent

Don’t tip me
I might just spill
Was it one drink or three?
I’ve drunk my fill

I’m your whiskey girl
Bubbling over
A sequined, beaded twirl
another lover

We met on bourbon street
In 1942
With the trumpets bleat
We danced the whole night through

You went back to war
The very next day
But not before you swore
You’d be back in May

But May came and went
Back in 1952
& with each letter sent
came not a peep from you

Now I’m haunted
By 1952
This isn’t what I wanted
But what else is there to do?

We met on bourbon street
In 1952
I was the last girl you kissed
Before you ceased to exist

Inch by inch, mile by mile
Won't you stay for awhile?
Moment by moment, kiss by kiss
I've fallen in love with this

With
Murmmers under flannel sheets
Dark coffee & chocolate treats
The non-space between skin and lips
The gentle curve of twirling hips

...but
Like the tide you pull away
Slowly sadly this cannot stay
Looking back you turn to leave
My heart still sewn to your sleeve

My edges have no border
I seep & blotch the air
My thoughts a chaotic disorder
Laughing in silent despair

Who am I?

I’m the colorful mix
Of the pills I take at night
Grappling at the latest “fix”
But I never get the dosage right
So broken I shall stay
To listen but not to obey

I’m the perfect daughter
I know I ought to be
Smiling sequined next to my father
A beautiful sight to see
Painted fingertips, quiet lips
But I’m slipping from sexist grips

I’m the crash of atoms & molecules
The patterned DNA that labels our culture
Theorems, functions, evolutionary tools
Poe knew: Science is a “vulture
Whose wings are dull realities”
Fact blinds what my mind sees

Forgive me I’m singing
Of what I am & cannot be
& My ears are still ringing
With who society has asked me to be

Forgive me I’m Singing
The praises of a stolen night
How your lips burned in spite
Of January’s lonely chill
When bottled eyes began to spill

Forgive me I’m caught
In the calm of sea glass eyes
Steam that slowly will rise
Your kiss, the cooking moon
Sometime in late June

Forgive me I’m staring
I can’t bring myself to stop
As hand in hand we window shop
Dancing under the harvest moon
Winter’s come too soon

My little being
Through almond eyes you’re seeing
Sculpted muscles, milky bones
Swarthy, light pink tones
I made you from scratch

Musical lungs those cushioned lips
Royal cheekbones- sea shell hips
A gentle curve of a lower back
Grand Canyon’s spinal crack
I made it all from scratch

My walnut cracked skin
Bones frail and thin
Once made a life from scratch
A young, perfected match

I suppose we’ll get drunk
Maybe that’ll drag me out of this funk
Of television screens and cheap food
An oh, so unforgiving mood

Fretting about the smallest things
Of raw chicken & bankrupt kings
Avoiding sentimental ties
I’ll settle with the unkempt lies

I found you between touches on screens
through swiping on pocket machines
and I met you in the long shadow of sunset
you smoked a cigar and I a cigarette

We put the stars in our eyes
and found ufos and Russian spies
and gave ourselves to the not knowing
but knowing this wanting to keep going

So at one am we kissed at Chevron
with a smirking cashier looking on
and I did so without a second thought
because, honestly, how could I not?

Not here
Not there
               Not anywhere

No reassuring hugs
No disapproving tugs
No walking down the aisle
No disapproving my style
No comforting smile
Dad's been dead for a while

Wake up to me wrapped
around you like wool.
Keep me trapped
in the gravity of your pull.

I want you to want me
like the waves long for shore.
I need you to need me
down to the lava of your core

There's a distance
in the closeness of our embrace.
When you lean in to kiss me
all I feel is the space.

I want to want you
like the waves long for shore.
I need to still need you
down to the lava of my core.

When I closed my eyes
I’d see a world I despise
But when you opened me
I saw every beauty, every sea

I was blind before you
Dead before I held you
But you cut through
& finally now I see you

I see you-my little one
I should’ve said it was okay
That you were still my son
No mater if straight or gay

…but
I opened too late
You’d already chosen a fate
To hang on a wall plate
& close your eyes in hate