the same dad who doesn't know how to spell my middle name
has me gather the trash every monday night.
it's trash night,
he says.
i woke up this morning with a pink ponytail holder on my wrist that wasn't mine
which someone must have used to tie my hair back
as i vomited half a bottle of ***** into that godforsaken porcelain bowl
which is to say that one way or another a&e; most definitely
took
new year's eve
and being drunk is fun but annie get your gun because you'll read about your laughy happy self in the news the next day and you'll want to shoot yourself in the head, honey you
made yourself trash night
if you give a mouse a cookie
if you give a girl anxiety
she's going to want a drink to go with it
but while drunk is temporary
sunk sure feels permanent
but so what
aud
you're at the bottom of the heap
you have broken bones and unknowns
you left people and pieces of who you thought you were behind
you can't find your way to wonderland lately and you're
shaking
because voices are calling you trash.
the same trash
that you collect on monday nights
but lil homie you're pretty **** recyclable
so you fell apart
put yourself together again, one more time
maybe one of many
don't use the same parts this time
or do
use whatever you choose
build her from legos and lilacs and laughter and after
wards if you breathe words into her she'll come right to life just like
she always does.
but you're not trash,
audrey nicole without an h
i don't care what you drink as long as you stop feeding
yourself lies like that.
you're not invincible, no.
but even with eighty pound weights tied to each of your feet
you'd never be sunk
forever.

There is a room of everything I wish I’d said.
It tastes of everything that’s empty.
I brush until my mouth bleeds.
Do not touch me with your forgiving eyes,
I do not deserve to be whole.
There is an ocean full of light here somewhere,
I heard it.
It’s a shame I cannot swim,
there is so much I can’t lose.
You said you’d be here.
You said you’d be here.
Maybe one day.
One day it will exist.
The place where we remember.
Where everything remembers.
But it has been quiet lately.
I am everywhere but here.

There is a room of everything you wish you’d said.
It tastes of everything that’s empty.
I stay until my mouth bleeds.

Your truth is sweet.
Mine is sharp.
I cut away at you, without meaning to,
my hands are scissors,
yours are feathers.
Icarus, do not let me be your sun.

the blonde and the brunette don't we make a great team
believe me our bond is unshakable
it's undebatable
our pull is gravitational
toward Christ, he's at the center
and splinters we extract together
secrets aren't existent we communicate with eyes sometimes
this
is best friendship.
the artist and the all-star don't we make a great team
it seems
like our laughter is contagious, it has to be
this masterpiece
is perfect, God
we couldn't thank you anymore
where it's light and airy we praise you
where it's dark and scary we praise you
continue
to color our lives with delight and depth
this
is best friendship.
two girls chasing God don't we make a great team
equal
in every way and gleaming
with beauty
worthy
of so much love
genuine
and surely
we'll find it
we're diamonds
after all
and by each other's sides with each new "I am"
and every fall
because I love you
because you're Dorothy
and I'm Alice
let's go explore crazy **** together
because I love you
because we're the poles
and the equator
at exactly
the same time
because I love you
because we are like breathing
because I love you
and this
is best friendship.