even lottery winnings run out sooner or later

i fall asleep every night in my chair
go upstairs
another puff
ill rest here awhile

the crowd parts to make way
the king waves and smiles
idiots

i try but you fade away
my brother my sister
all forgotten to my now
you are all somewhere in my thoughts
deep down inside my heart
soon you will all disappear
but still here
to love you

its hopeless
i've had enough
the masses have passed me by and knocked me out
left alone, is there any way to heal this smile
lost the facts
the meanings
suggestions
front and back between the lines i've read
that i am and that i am nothing
with no hands to hold
and no place to lay my head

bend
watch them all decay
structured endless shame
it grabs a hold and you cant get away

hate
pretend you have it made
let go of the shame you put up every day
to mask the pain

lie
to better fit you disguise your true life
it seems you're not quite real
and dead inside

fade
you'll never be the same
hold my hand to save yourself
your not quite well, always betrayed

now i see that this place hates despite all my beliefs
even if they're few and far between
existence for me means i'm the one that choses when
pull the trigger, a trigger to an end

my world decides to bend and i will never know if i will ever find myself
its not yet time, but please don't take too long
know that this place has nothing for us
life goes on
life goes on

i feel fine now
just, fine
and that's alright
life, designed to bring me down
i've designed
but im alright

another tuesday
our reality to bend and fold
some bend to dead ends  
we learn to live with it

wake up
its tuesday again
no i don't want to continue watching
i wont brush my teeth this morning

lightning strikes
without a sound
the energy surrounding me
much more than what's hidden in those clouds