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Aoife Teese Jul 2014
i know this is just what i'm like because this is how i've felt every time i've gotten emotionally close to someone and i don't want to tell you what's wrong and i don't want to admit that i am sad inside because you like me well enough as it is and i don't want to ruin that. i don't want you to worry about me because i know i'll be fine and i'll be better and this sadness i've felt inside for the past six years doesn't define me and doesn't determine whether or not i should be loved. if anything love is something i know i deserve and maybe will help the effects the sadness has on me but i know how it feels to be hurt and my mind tries to pick and choose certain moments to try and disprove everything that you've told me because how? i look in the mirror and i can't see what you see and although that doesn't mean it isn't there they say seeing is believing and how can i believe something i don't see? my legs ache and my stomach hurts and the emptiness in my chest wants me, begs me to find some sort of control and i can't. this isn't something that is able to be controlled or manipulated. it happens or it doesn't, and that's just it.
Philophobia is defined as the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love.
Aoife Teese Jul 2014
i guess it was sort of ironic as it's a place where people to go to be treated that they couldn't properly take care of a plant. it may not have been their fault, but it was odd to see shriveled up leaves on top of the *** full of dirt, and a bamboo stick pointing up to give direction to what was no longer there. the *** itself was colorful, adorned in hues of red and blue to give hints toward the life that was once there, and maybe that's what i do for myself. i adorn myself in hues of purple, green, blue to imply a liveliness that i no longer feel deep within. to cover up an emptiness that once held some form of life, some form of happiness and innocence. it's not like i've had it hard, i mean, things haven't been absolutely bright and sunny but i haven't experienced great loss but somehow i have lost myself. it's an odd feeling, because i know i will be okay and that everything will turn out just fine but i can't believe that in my heart and i just can't feel okay. and maybe that's fine. it's healthier to express an emotion than to cover it up and hide it, because it will build upon itself until you can no longer withstand the weight and oh, god, i know how it feels to tremble and crumble underneath the weight of unfelt emotions.

but is this better?

i look to extremes to cure the numbness in my chest and i can't care if it's good for me or not.
Aoife Teese Jul 2014
Internal conflict is a mental or emotional struggle that occurs within a character
External conflict is a struggle that occurs between a character and outside forces, which could be another character or the environment.*

what i want vs. what is safe
what i need vs. what i want
what i think vs. what i know

and i don't know much other than what i've been told
but it's hardest to tell if what i'm told is the truth
or the shadows of what i want to be the truth
and what you want me to think

and i want you to want me to think
i want you to want to permeate my thoughts
crack open my sternum and pick apart my little ribs
and find your way into my heart
///////////////////////
Becca Peeples Jul 2014
It dances through the morning
With its thoughts all smug and loud.
Oh, my brain, my brain, my brain,
Oh how my brain sings aloud.

It controls the mirrors
Right through its glass
Any reflective surface
The brain is what it asks.

It prances onto noontime
With its judgmental stain
Oh, my brain, my brain, my brain
Oh, how my brain sings my pain.

It glances at my edges
It smirks at my thighs
Oh the brain is a torturous man
Filled with degrading, hurtful lies.

It sprints into the evening
With its cocky glow
Oh, my brain, my brain, my brain,
Oh, how my brain sings so low.

It breaks me down quickly
As if it doesn’t care at all
That I’m sinking into nothing
Or that my heart’s about to fall.

It creeps into midnight
With its final remark
Oh, my brain, my brain, my brain
Oh how my brain sings so dark.

It goes to hurt me once more
But I’ve changed up the game
I’ve broken all of the mirrors
To make my monster more tame.

I crawl into dawn
With my brain at my side
Oh, my brain, my brain, my brain,
Oh how my brain’s songs subside.
Chloe Jul 2014
You don't hate yourself
because of the
shape of your nose,
angle of your eyes,
length of your arms,
or size of your waist.

Your self hatred
runs so much deeper
than those things.
And
Your self worth
runs even deeper.
Violet Jul 2014
I am a chubby girl
And when I sit on busses
And hear the people behind me laugh
My heart skips a beat
I am a chubby girl
And when it rains
I am paranoid people think
I am wearing a sheet not a coat
I am a chubby girl
And when I walk
My thighs jiggle and
Sometimes they clap
I am a chubby girl
And when I see a shop
Assistant mutter I curse
My size
I am a chubby girl
And when they shout their words
Leaving needle marks
Instead of punctuation
I cry
I am a chubby girl
And skipping dinner just
Made me hate myself
I am a chubby girl
And throwing up just made
The pain come out
I am a chubby girl, wait
I am a girl
And I am beautiful
I love my body like my mother
Loved my baby cheeks
Like I should ve done
From the start
Aoife Teese Jul 2014
as i stand, naked, before a full length mirror
i look at myself in confusion
and i desperately search for why
in every crease and line
throughout every dimple and bone
in between the spider veins and stretch marks
pale skin and scars
this isn't beauty

as i lay, naked, in the warmth of your arms
i look at you with sincerity
and i calmly understand why
in every crease and line
throughout every dimple and bone
in between your blonde hair and blue eyes
pale skin and scars
this is beauty
the difference is in how you make me feel
Aoife Teese Jul 2014
Sent Jun 29th, 12:10am

i just want someone to want me
to fall in love with my personality
and not the temporary
aspects of me
//////////////////////////////////
Aoife Teese Jun 2014
i bite my nails
and i bite my lips

my room is a mess
and i pick at dead skin

i look in the mirror when i
first wake up
and right before bed

i fall too hard
and i bruise too easily

and i write about boys
who will never love me
//////
JasmineSkye Jun 2014
If you think the outside is { ugly }, you should see my insides.
You’ll hardly be surprised,
At the black { sludge }
The { stale }, boiled blood.
At { the bitter } pills,
And hateful words
The
Self
Indulgent { self-pity }.

If you think the outside is { pretty },
You should see my insides.

Because you’re { wrong }.
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