babyangelEcho

18 / F

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i take my bow, says the witchIf loving you was a mistake, / either way—mine to make, / says she, to shape in my hands,

19

Jan 28, 2018

girl walks hometonight, i am not / walking fast enough, / in this hungry darkness —

28

Jan 26, 2018

Love me back, or don't.All I wanted was love, but I swore I’d never ask because it doesn’t count if you force it. So at the start, I brought you cookies and sat beside you in every class, chattering endlessly. I wrote you letters, and made tiny watercolor paintings of your face. I didn’t think it would work, but I guess I was so good at falling in love that you thought you were too. / But then, just because ‘I love you’s are exchanged doesn’t mean the feelings are the same, and when you started taking longer to reply and were barely by my side, I began to wonder. So I went further—bought you only the most expensive presents, gifted you even the parts of myself I’d been saving. Who could blame me if I just longed to make you happy, and thought that meant giving you everything you asked for and wanted? / Towards the end, I realized you wanted more than I could ever give because you looked for it in someone else. But like a fool, I still loved you. Am I not nice and sweet, not right or enough for you? Here I am, still begging. Who else would have forgiven you? Who else would have needed you that much, wanted so badly to be with you? I deserve to be loved back.

4

Jan 24, 2018

the stages of broken relationships**I. THE FALLING IN LOVE** / *i should have known* / from how the very first thing you told me

45

Jan 15, 2018

more notes on getting older*i'm getting ahead of myself and i feel nostalgic about everything already. i swear i was just thirteen yesterday. then i fell in love and i broke my own heart and fell in love again, got caught in the end. all of it just yesterday. some of it just feels like a dream. / and i woke up like this, almost eighteen. with a belly full of worries, a heart tripping on hope, and ribcage heaving with sighs. but still we persist. no matter that i hold my head in my hands or hide behind my hair a lot of the time. no matter that i am becoming afraid to speak. no matter that i think i want to cry all the time. and i don't even try to tell anyone anymore. / but just yesterday i was a kid and i'd never truly known what afraid meant. i never used the words heavy, burden, weight. now they're always on the tip of my tongue when i taste the air and try to gauge how i'm feeling. i open my clenched fists and think, pain.

6

Jan 10, 2018

an updated history of lost loves**my first love** / *he kissed the hickeys and the bruises and all the parts of me that only he had ever touched and said,* this makes you mine. / **my second love**

4

Jan 9, 2018

after the breakup12:34 AM — *I scream “I love myself” over and over in my head, whisper “I don’t need you,” even as my eyes are drawn to my slim wrists and I think about how mirrors are glass, and, oh, what I could do with the shards.*

1

Jan 7, 2018

pisces horoscopes (#1)*pisces:* what is it about love that always has you in doubt? really, whose feelings are you unsure about? his or yours? and tell me—will it ever be enough?

1

Jan 7, 2018

eighteen days until i turn eighteenYou're turning eighteen. / I know you think it's a big deal, and well, yes, you should celebrate it. But for the most part, things are still the same and change is yet to come. You will wake up still with acne scars. You will wake up still with painful memories carved into your thighs. You will remember that once it wasn't like this and you will have the vague sense that even what you have now will soon no longer be. / Rejoice in the fleeting nature of this moment, with its infinitesimal relevance and infinite beauty. You live here in this ever-changing space; nothing stays the same and you let yourself be carried from day to day. You drift. You watch the landscape of your heart slowly change. Sometimes the sun is creeping over the horizon and the sky is painted in your favorite colors. Sometimes you watch the sky shed tears and apologize for its mistakes. Sometimes you feel filled up with it.

7

Jan 4, 2018

night of a partyloud music, karaoke, / barbecue on the balcony, / smirnoffs and local beers,

21

Feb 5, 2017

Hello PoetryVoting