this is an open letter to anyone who has the audacity to try and love you like i did.
dear whateverthefuckyournameis,
i apologize in advance for spilling my boiled blood on the hem of your skirt. what you need to understand, is that you are standing on ground previously reserved for my feet, so forgive me for any bitterness that seeps through the cracks in my clenched fists. i don't hate you, but i can't be your friend. you probably don't know about me, and if you do, let me commend your bravery. i have a tendency to set my problems on fire, and in my bouts of anger everything looks flammable, especially girls with paper complexions. i'm sorry. i have never been one to walk away, so i don't know how to explain to you the holes in the bottoms of my shoes. but i have been further than you will ever go. this is not supposed to be an angry letter, but lately that's the only thing coming out of me. i don't even know your name but the thought of your hands reaching for him makes we want to break them. i will douse your dreams in gasoline and strike the match against your cheek. but i know that's not right, see, the poison crawling out from the end of my pen belongs to a scarier version of myself i try not to know. my heartache is an insatiable war cry in the dead of night, that will stop at nothing to shatter all your windows. it shames me to admit that i've found a sort of twisted satisfaction in using passive aggression to breach your armor. i am sick with missing a set of arms i was not privileged enough to know. i speak with all the grace of an atom bomb and wonder about the rubble at my feet. you are white picket fence and i am barbed wire. some girls are lions, some are lambs, and i learned to love, teeth bared and snarling. one of the only things that keeps me going is the hope that one day i'll learn how to love something without making it bleed. i may have never been his, but for a time he was mine, so please understand why i taste acid when i think about your mouth on his. again, i am sorry. i know it is not my place to be so full of resentment, but there is a part of me that sincerely hopes it bothers you to know he dreamt of me before you were even a thought. there is a side of me that thrives on the image of the color being drained from your face when you read this. but i am trying to learn how to be softer. this letter is the manifestation of a self-inflicted war that has been raging in my chest since he first told me about you. you will try to be good to him, and you might even succeed. if you ever find yourself singing him to sleep, like i did, don't ask if he wants to hear another song, just keep going until his breathing slows.
Nov 5, 2015
Nov 5, 2015 at 9:13 AM UTC
i need to get drunk and i need my bones to show and i need to take pictures in my cutest lingerie and turn boys into yes men and i need to forget all the shadows that you showed me and i need to travel the world and i need to kiss strangers and my best friend and i need to ****** everyday and i need to forget your stupid smile and i need to sleep until 4pm and i need to go to sleep at 6am and i need to waste away days and i need to binge watch movies and i need to work out 2 hours everyday and i need to forget the colour of your eyes and i need to get rich and i need to get pretty and i need to lose weight and i need to tell my boss to go **** herself and i need to love myself more and i need to look in a mirror and blow a kiss to the fine ***** looking back and i need a colder heart and i need warmer hands and i need to be happy and let me tell you this
i don't need you
but i do
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 4:42 AM UTC
do you know how hard it is with people asking me left right and centre
won't stop saying your name
and i have to explain that you still love me but not the same
and when i tell them you left me they look at me so incredulously
"he doesn't know what he's missing"
but the thing is neither do i
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 6:11 AM UTC
who will fix me now
"i don't need you to ride in on your white horse and save me, i'm not broken - i don't need fixing."
but that doesn't stop me thinking
if i wasn't saving your soul - then you were saving mine
only want to **** you and then **** you up
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 12:16 PM UTC
wish i was kissing you instead of thinking about you
Oct 23, 2014
Oct 23, 2014 at 9:03 AM UTC
and i am still waking up at 3 am as if i can still hear you breathing
next to me
but you're not there and the bed is cold on the side where you slept
only when it is dark and the house is still to i let myself
be surrounded by things that remind me of you
your ***** pyjama top and that stupid ******* sweater
my pillow still smells off you so i singed the edges when i was drunk
and it's just another thing to add to the list of things i regret
Oct 22, 2014
Oct 22, 2014 at 4:11 PM UTC
i know your face like the back of my hand
and please don't even get me started on the rest of you
you can't build a person up like this
and then break them down
change your mind
"burned out flames should never reignite"
but i've never been the type to take my own advice
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 4:40 PM UTC
"why is your lip all cut up?"
it's because if the sadness got a hold of me
and if i felt so desperate that i kissed another, it'd
hurt and i'd condition myself the only mouth that eased the ache
was yours
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 9:14 AM UTC
i guess you just didn't love me anymore
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 12:36 PM UTC
i wrote these poems about two different boys
past and present
maybe i jinxed it and that's why
everything's going wrong
something's always wrong
anything i say is wrong
cheap tobacco and ugly words and sharp edges
i don't want to die anymore and that's worse because at least when i wanted to die i found comfort knowing i had a backup plan
but now im stuck gasping thinking i was gonna be some one
and growing everyone always does
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 4:40 AM UTC