what a mess you have made,  what the hell were you thinking

i am only human.  and i am afraid
i may not learn from every mistake
i don't know what i am doing,  but that's okay,  cause i like it that way

it's okay to not feel shame.  f.uck everything!
i  f.ucked it all the way,  the way i wanna f.uck things

save yourself the disappointment,  some things are better left broken
if it's f.ucked just leave it alone,  if ignored,  and with patience,
the smart thing to do would be to wait for it to work itself out

besides,  i know of no one that knows how to unf.uck something

i do feel a little better knowing that?
but i used to get so obsessed,  whenever i would beat on a dead horse

not quite sure why?  beat it for whatever reason,
no reason but to beat on that f.ucker until i felt better inside

it took waiting for forever.  nothing inside changed

only now,  i have a deep seeded hate for that f.ucking dead horse

i hate that f.ucker more than anything!  ever!

hours and hours go by each time,  i'd beat the f.uck out of that horse,
try to beat it more and more every f.ucking time

time after time and time again,  i'd try to bring myself back to life
i'd beat and i'd beat and i'd  f.ucking beat,  until i got bored of beating the  f.ucking f.uck out of that f.ucking horse

of course,  i'd f.ucking beat that horse,  more and more and more,
like i was at war with that horse,  just to feel better than ever before

i forever failed at feeling any better

i f.ucking hate that dead f.ucking horse!

so,  i beat that f.ucker forever more

why do i not feel like i am alive?

f.uck, i feel dead inside!  just as f.ucking dead,  as that dead f.ucking horse

how the f.uck, when i try and try and try,  just to feel alive,  but i still feel f.ucking empty,  deep down inside

i feel only one thing,  hate for that f.ucking horse
deeper down inside,  than ever before

i feel it in my core

i know that I am alive,  but i don't feel much life
does this mean that my spirit won't survive?

the more and more that i beat that f.ucking horse,  i'd get more and more worn
i'd walk away from that f.ucker,  more sore than ever before

i'd pour every effort into beating that f.ucking dead horse

i tore into that dead f.ucker on a quest for feeling,  some sorta feeling,
to feel anything other than hate for that f.ucking horse

f.uck,  nothing more than to constantly remind myself how much hate that i release when i love nothing more than to beat the f.uck out of that dead f.ucking horse

the more and more that i hate that f.ucking horse

the more and more,  i look forward to beating on that f.ucking dead f.ucker

anytime i find the time,  i'd beat that f.ucker a few thousand times or more

beat that  f.ucker all day and all night,  then beat that  ucker some more

because it just feels right

it's never the wrong time,  to spend all of your time,  beating and beating and beating on that horse until you feel something else inside

waste all of your time,  not wasting any time,
beating on that f.ucking horse,  for the rest of your life

beat that dead horse and never resign

because, when you hate something from that deep within, it's a hatred that festers in your core

combine that much hate with all of your spare time,  makes it primetime
to take all of that hatred and set everything else aside,  get primed
beat on that f.ucking dead horse,  and do it double time

of course in the meantime,  wait for the hate to develop,
create a rage and violently dominate,  beat and beat and beat
that dead f.ucking horse,  beat that f.ucker overtime

beat that f.ucker forever and a day

put in the time,  build up your strength,  and in no time
you'll be in great shape,  and just in time,
to beat that f.ucker for the fifth time today

make that f.ucking horse pay for,  a lifetime of mistakes,  that you made
ignoring the fact that your hate is channeled away from you,  hating yourself even more than you hate that horse

but you f.ucking beat on it anyways

either way,  that f.ucking horse endures all the beatdowns
and absorbs all the blame

that dead f.ucking horse has been dead for four f.ucking years and 63 days

you won't f.ucking quit!  you never changed a bit

all that anger,  you're holding on to it.  every bit of it!

your hate turns to rage.  you beat that f.ucking dead horse until you are blue in the face and f.ucking done for

never letting up!  not ever giving a f.uck!

when is it going to be enough?

half of the time you are beating on that f.ucker you leave open the barn door
so the world can see just how much that you hate that f.ucking horse

why are you f.ucking beating on that dead f.ucking horse?

what the f.uck for?  to even the score?

even in your downtime you beat on that f.ucker

swore you wouldn't ever stop

and sometimes you go on for a long f.ucking time

for f.ucks sake!  it's f.ucking war time,  all the time,
never ever taking a f.ucking break

be on time for next time,  and make sure you make up for last time,
you don't want to fall behind

explore more ways to make all of the beatings,
all of the time,  your favorite past time

making time for next time,  to make beating the f.uck out of that f.ucking dead horse,  a f.ucking fun time

cause anytime,  is a fun time,  when you step out of line,  and find out,
there is more than enough time to beat on that mother  ucker,  forevermore

beat like you've never beaten on a dead f.ucking horse before

and beat on that f.ucker just like all of the times that you have before

beat on that f.ucker *******.  beat like it's the next world war

beat on that dead f.ucking horse,  until you can't anymore!

beat once the f.uck more,  before you fall asleep and snore
because it's always a good time,  right before bedtime,
to beat that f.ucker more than you can keep score

not only do you dream about the ultimate beatdown,
but deep down,  you hope,  for time itself,  to slow down

never have found a reason why you beat that f.ucker down

just to f.ucking feel better inside?

so eager to beat on that  ucker,  you won't settle the  uck down!

you're about to breakdown

you shout out loud about how beating on that f.ucking horse sounds

the sound of another beatdown


so realign

go back in time?

now is the time!  what the f.uck are you waiting for?

hurry the f.uck up!  cut in that f.ucking line!

do whatever it takes to beat the f.uck out of that horse even more than ever before

even more than forever before.  for ever and ever more

beat on that horse for forever

and beat on that f.ucker before you walk through that door,
turn around,  beat that f.ucker down,  so much more than ever before

never ever stop to do anything other than spending every minute of time
before the day that you die,  beating the f.uck out of that dead f.ucking horse

because you think it's alright?

beating on this f.ucking dead horse i thought would have helped?

i feel forever worse than ever before

living the rest of my life f.ucking hating that horse

and i will never forget how much hate that i have stored,
letting it build up,  just to let it all go

now where the f.uck is that horse!  i wanna beat on that f.ucker some more

cause when i'm dead,  i can't beat the f.ucking f.uck out of that dead f.ucking horse anymore

it ended up that i lost the war with that f.ucking horse

lost it before it began?

i started with a dead horse and ended with a f.ucking dead horse

so i beat that f.ucker just a little bit more

who thought that this would be anything other than pointless?

beating on that f.ucking dead horse was the only thought on your mind
for a long f.ucking time

your hate for that f.ucking horse,  grew inside of you

to you,  nothing else ever was

for you,  all of those beatings,  blended into one single moment

your moment

beating on that dead f.ucker,  time after time,  with a one track mind

you beat and beat and beat on that f.ucking dead horse,  for a lifetime

during that time,  you spent your life beating away
you had the time of your life,  only to find out that,  your life has passed you by
you're too late,  your time is up

you have f.ucked away your life.  one beatdown at a time

consumed by hate for a horse that's not even alive?

but you'll hate that dead f.ucking horse for the rest of your life

you just started beating away one day and you don't even know why?

Do not concern yourself
with verbal abuse
they are deeply disturbed
enclosed and confused.

How is it that I mean so little to you?
When I cry my whole heart out blue
How is it fair that I'm the one crying every night?
When you're out there living your best ******* life
Do I really mean so little to you?
After all these years of us being perfectly dued
To this thing called love...
How can I mean so little to you?
You ******* *******.

-fir.m