the way you slowly grab my hands
you say start over
and here we are
finally, at last
you can't speak
you can't say those words out loud
but I hear you screaming to me
it feels like forever
but as you walk away
I scream aloud
those words from my heart and soul
all those words you wrote down
the love of eternity
you tried to say, and I couldn't breathe
I won't lose those words you said to me
as you got up and let me be
that last kiss
as you walked away
there you were
in front of me
and away you go

a box of matches for one life
a match every year
to light the candles on your cake
the flame goes out
watch your life disintegrate

I type out
a friendly message to you
and I pause
to write a poem about it
about you.

I need you.
I can't even explain
Because I've never felt
this before.
Which is such
a stupid
cliché thing to say.


I slowly
backspace
over my carefully
carved words,
and click
the x next to your name.

And I sigh,
Tonight is not our night.
And maybe,
It never will be again.

There is something about the twinkling in your eyes
as you smile
as you listen
to me say my useless words.

And I desperately want
to explain the rain
to that little twinkle.

And I desperately crave
feeling you
feel the spot behind my ear.

Because at 1:11 a.m.
the rain is pouring against
my window pane
and the sound of it
is happiness
in my soul.
And I consider
this summer
and I decide
I missed the rain.
I've found
one thing
I don't like about California.

And I see
your twinkle
from across 3000 miles.

I am a butterfly
caught in barbed wire.

You were the most beautiful thorn!
I had ever seen.
I knew exactly
what I was doing,
what I was getting into.
Because I was into you,
falling onto you.

And you're still beautiful
except for this red spot
where my body leaks onto you
Infecting you with me
and part of me is sorry
that I let you hurt me.

I guess now isn't our time.
Maybe in two years
we'll figure something out.

And so what
if I'll throw myself at strangers
until I forget
that you're not mine.

And so what
I haven't stopped smoking
since we didn't say goodbye.
I'll stay high
until I forget
that I'm not yours.

And so what
I cried Thursday night.
I dried my face
and got myself home.
Maybe I'll cry a few more times
until I forget
that we were almost us.

And so what
my heart's a little cracked;
I'll forget.