they say the same walls that block out fear will keep the happiness away.
so these days im roaming freely,
seeking all in vast array.
-
letting walls down,
opened for trespassing,
unlocking doors now.
-
no longer watching my steps,
i may just trip the alarm.
i may just take over the world,
i may not ever make a sound.
i may not ever come around again,
i'm feeling lowly,
im in search of
higher ground again.

i wish i had your guidance
and your confidence.
i could have used your motivational speeches
and your spark,
or just your shoulder
and warm embrace.
i wish you could see the look on my face as i died slowly by the hands of myself,
as i cried out for help
and for creator to end all existence that existed around me
and within me.
maybe if i had your intuitive demeanor i could have understood my intuition,
if i had your drive i could have understood patience and persistence.
if i had your advice i could have avoided all of the mishaps of yesterday that somehow,
very strangely,
turned into wisdom for my today.
i needed you,
i thought i could never find you.
i thought i wouldn't make it pass 16,
and at 21,
i am the woman i wish i had as a girl.

explore it,
let it inspire you.
become friends,
become lovers,
become so obsessive that you question its intent on your sanity.
invest in it.
make it your peace while you
treat it as if you were an unstable person,
fed up and seeking holy ground;
in search of validation,
in search of balance,
desperate,
willing to discipline,
willing to adjust...
and when you both come to grips or a mutual agreement;
be loyal,
be open,
be so ******* honest
and
be understanding
but most of all be patient.

white face,
black face.
no basis.
-
white race,
black race.
no place for the theories other than physical reality.
basic and so mortal,
the massive mentality.
believe in everything else
but themselves.
-
ignore their cries for help,
feed into everything else.