‎if only i was dead in some other place,
‎not here, not now, not stuck in this space.
‎somewhere my name never meant a thing,
‎where no one asks what i'm feeling within.
‎
‎if only i stopped bending backwards,
‎tied my worth to something that mattered.
‎but i bled for hands that let me fall,
‎i screamed in rooms with no one at all.
‎
‎i love too hard, it's always a crime,
‎give them forever, they give me time.
‎i carve myself into pieces so small,
‎hoping someone might want them all.
‎
‎why can't i be good at anything real?
‎i fake a smile, i fake how i feel.
‎i try and i try till i tear apart,
‎still no one sees the bones of my heart.
‎
‎maybe out there, i’m a real boy
‎not this hollowed-out, disposable toy.
‎maybe i laugh, maybe i breathe,
‎maybe i don’t want to ******* leave.
‎
‎but here i rot in plain sight,
‎the sun don’t warm, the stars ain't right.
‎i hate people, hate their lies,
‎the way they look with empty eyes.
‎
‎i want to perish, just dissolve,
‎no mysteries left to solve.
‎no more trying, no more "fine,"
‎no more pretending this hurt ain’t mine.
‎
‎i don’t feel joy, don’t feel the pain,
‎just static thoughts inside my brain.
‎why am i always the one who tries?
‎why do i fall for every disguise?
‎
‎why do i chase what runs away?
‎why do i beg for them to stay?
‎why do i whisper in rooms gone cold,
‎hoping love will take hold?
‎
‎no one ever stays.
‎no one ever sees.
‎i give until there's nothing left of me.