Sojourn at the hinterlands of a fog casket
awoken to be suffocated
put to sleep to dream
within a dream the nightmare of a mother's fear
depression is so easy to slink in
so wary of all those palpable sins
like being yourself -
awoken to be suffocated
put to sleep to dream
with a dream the nightmare of a mother's fear
where pink haired ladies
talk about my dissonance
within a dream about the nightmare of my mothers
self punishment -
for birthing me
questioning if it was the right decision
if I was born to suffer
this fate
so i wake in the land of dead people
who's limbs fall apart
as they're names are called out by the concierge
to my voice as whisper
to my courage bubbling underneath
a mother fearful of coming close
forgiveness is a blessing
and the tears flow
out of the eyes of a child onto the cheeks of a woman
who's life was molested by other peoples sanctions
a woman who stood tall for the voice of others children and elders
who encouraged chance meetings to be themselves via magazine clippings
and a mother afraid to come close
and a child still living the actions of a ghost looming at her with wide eyed slanders of " you ****** up , you *******
you **** up at everything"
it's difficult to look it's like watching someone be strung up
naked
tied to posts
and the spaces between their fingers sliced
their yoni sliced
their ******* sliced
their heart beating wide eyed screaming
silenced.
My mother
who birthed me
whom i respect
for all of her showings
no matter how ****** up
strung up
and the vision is blinding.
and we're both crying
but i don't tell her
because it's lunch time
and she's ****** up again.
- a meditation dream -