It's like a ringing in my ear.

I'm stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid

Ringing through my ear and
Silence is a choking cough pushing to get out.
I need the drumming electronic waves
to deathen my body.

For I took my regular pill of
Self pity today.
It kicks in with its usual velocity
and I lay down mesmerized by its tranformation of the world.

I fear that when I open my eyes
He is not the same.
That his too rough strokes pulling my hair and
His semi sweaty hand on my face
that smells a hint of balony
is all just
Make belief.

How many times was fantasy a
Sanctuary
Maybe it finally consumed my reality
Since this must be some kind of
Heaven
This life of misery
With somebody here with me.