She pressed down on the lever and pushed.
Swish, the front door opened. It was silent, the usual hustle and bustle of this place was now at a stand still. She walked into the kitchen and set her purse down on the marbled island. The open room was flooded with sunlight, large bay windows all around extended from floor to ceiling. It had been a particularly beautiful day; exceptionally sunny for a mid december day, and unusually calm for a monday afternoon.

Amar slipped her feet out of her shoes, nudged them aside and walked down the carpeted staircase. Once in the basement she paused, taking a moment to adjust to the pitch black nothingness that now surrounded her. She found the office chair and sat down, closed her eyes and relaxed. Her head tipped back and her feet swayed the bulky black leather chair left and right.

The motion, combined with the quiet darkness was intoxicating, and as she began to drift off... she remembered. Hot tears swelled in her eyes, slowly burning her insides, pain flowed through her veins, her blood began to warm up and her breathing slowed. She felt her heart start to crumble; her body began to ache. Though she sensed herself start to break all over again, she allowed her conscience the luxury and curse of their memory. For one moment she thought of them, morned them and wept for them.

Her eyes tingled... and with a swish, the front door opened.

" My baby. We missed you. I'm so glad you're finally home", my mother said as she hugged me tightly.
Beth and Jane were next. Jane took hold of my carriage and wheeled my luggage outside.
" Your father is bringing the car around", she said with a faint smile.
For some reason it seemed like she was finding it difficult to look me in the eye.
I analyzed her face, it looked puffy and even though I had only been away for three months, she looked older to me. Something was different. I saw my dad's car round the corner and park the car in front of us. He came around and kissed me, "hi honey". "Hi Babba".
He proceeded to fill the trunk with my bags. The car ride home was quiet.
I had so much to tell them, but the mood wasn't right. This wasn't familiar. We were awkward.

Later that night, my mother came into my room. She sat down on my bed, shaking, her eyes biting back tears.
I could tell she was battling with herself. Then, I watched as her defenses slipped and she completely fell apart.
Seeing a character, who to me had become untouchable, bulletproof even, completely shatter before me was heart breaking.
It nearly tore me apart. My heartbeat quickened, I could feel the blood rushing, rising to my head, burning my insides as it climbed.
My shakes became one with hers. Her complexion went pale; I watched the color drain.
She looked at me with searching eyes. Eyes that said please forgive me, please understand, It's just something I have to do.
And suddenly, the realization hit me, CLICK and it all made sense; I knew.
My eyes must have shifted, pupils must have dilated, I must have faltered.
Because the only words she could seem to get out were "I'm sorry"."

I still recall quite well
the stairs I had to walk
an odd site I thought
to myself at first

Up to the first floor
completely in the dark
we walked cautiously
careful not to miss a step

It wasn't a large room
in fact it was relatively small
a restroom to my right
the kitchen straight ahead

And tables to my left
we found ourselves a table
the place was scarcely decorated
yet very depictive of its genre

The lights were dim
little red lanterns
randomly scattered about
emitting a faint glow

I remember the smell
of noodles rice and fish
of soy sauce, fried foods
and sizzling beef as well

A blast of scents
flooded my senses
streaming in through my nose
making my mouth water

With anticipation
as my intense hunger
overtook me
I imagined extreme flavors


The temperature was not too hot
and it was not too cold
It was just right
I smiled to myself

Contentment filled my body
the atmosphere put me at ease
I glimpsed over my shoulder
and saw her turn to me


I attempted to study her
what was once an easy read
however, became a book that I
had never even seen before

Something was not right
Her eyes they did not shift
pupils did not dilate
she didn't even twitch

a realization hit me
she was left unaffected
by my searching eyes
no reaction to my action

the lights became dimmer
making the room turn dark
the four walls closed in
I felt myself suffocate

Food became sour in my mouth
Aromas became intoxicating
Gone was the peaceful tranquility
that I had associated with this place

I walk alone
On an empty road
No one to talk to
No one to hold

All alone
I feel so weak
It's all so slimy,
So dreary, so bleak

My arms are dropped
Right by my side
My face is cold,
My thoughts are wide

Looking around
I note the sight
Calm and quiet;
Not a single light

Up, the sky is grey
And turning black
Yet still I walk,
There's no way back

Terribly frightened
I try to shout
Open my mouth,
And nothing comes out

Composing myself
I look once more
But now it's worse,
Worse than before

Panic takes over,
I'm breaking down
My heart beats fast
I hit the ground

--Just at that
I hear a tone
I know I'm safe
I'm not alone!

As I stand here on my balcony looking out
I start to contemplate what this world is about
Why does the sky look so sad when it rains?
Is that how it feels, is it in pain?

Is it a sign; when the rain falls down on us
To remind us to Stop all this racket and fuss!?
Is God expecting us to be witty enough to understand,
That there is suppose to only be love and peace in this land?