If I am afraid
When you say that you love me
Then why I am I afraid when I think
That you don't?

he looks at me
i don't know
what to say

eyes haunted
wanting a word
to be pressed
into his hand
the one that will give him hope
the one that will save him

cruelty
falls as a shadow
over his knees
his head
cowering shoulders
bruises
make a tattoo
rope
his captor

held by the man
with a gun
held to his skull
aching

i see his eyes
haunted
haunting me
held captured
in a photograph
black
and white
held captured
by time
and war
uncertainty

a word falls
before i can grab it
onto the dirt
heavy with the footsteps
of your oppressors
new
i wish
i could have saved you

His lies hide with him
Underneath the shadow
Of the moon

Is the sky
The definition of empty
Blue
Heavy
With white clouds
Waiting to break
At my feet

The cushions
On my sofa
Were still warm
From your hands
After you left

0
3
7
10
13
20
27

i'm tired
of keeping everything
inside

tired eyes
fingers
tapping
typing

a train
rattling the window panes
he swears
the vibration
makes the cracks
get wider

a drag
of greyness
heavy
taking life
out of his lungs

an empty page
the key of his type writer
held down
all at once

confused
rain
splattering
what's wrong with the sky
when it's blue

grinding
the joint
a bird's call
making him miss
his cat

he longs for turmoil
he longs for piece
he gets neither

hello

i miss you

(i wish
i could tell you.)

sometimes
I love you

and sometimes
I am too afraid
to

does that mean
that I don't?

I am
Terrible
At this
And I wish
You would stop
Trying
To make me
Better

I will only
Disappoint you

how afraid we are
of things unsaid
and things
that are said too soon

if only silence
would compensate
for either

be the fence
separating the lush green
from the left
and the lush green
from the right

alas
it is the left
seen to be grey
by the one
who always
drowns in it

i fell in love
one night

in April
i think

with the illusion
your words painted

on the skin
of my closed eyes

if only we could be
as fair as the moon
in it's absence

Don’t you wish
My darling
That we were as infinite
As the wind

it’s so easy
to smile
and sound happy
when all you are
is relieved
and you’re not
so sure why

I do not believe in words
Running away
And painting a picture of
Yellow and Sunday smiles

I do not want to read the words
Defining a photograph
I feel that I must know
What they say already

I am looking everywhere
For the words that will save me '
With their silence
But I cannot bare to read
Any longer

my god

what

i don't

know

anyone

by

that name

he's in the sky

block my ears

he's in the sea

tired of your lies

he's in me

he's in you

you can't make up

your mind

can you?

evil

good

afraid

brave

you only know

the words

that seem to
make sense

but never do

I always wonder
If I am missing you
Or if my heart
Is really in your chest
As well
And I'm just missing that

i miss your breath
on my cheek
and your heartbeat
beneath my moving
fingertips

i miss your eyes
happy
and sad
and uncertain
and your smile
against my lips
as the sun
rose

i miss your voice
and the notes
and letters
you would write
and the flowers
you would steal
because
they were so pretty

i miss your words
and how you would say
'i love you'
like a question

and it's awful
but darling
i don't think i miss you

she had eyes that could drown a man
eyes beautiful
and sad
burnt from staring at the stars
for too long

they couldn't look away
the ones that followed her
into the deepest depths
of all the shallow seas

she had lips that were red
and full
leaving them mesmerized
by the begging
that they presumed
weighed down her softly
spoken words

they would open the dictionary
of their mother-tongue
to see what she had to say
and it made her sad
and beautiful
at the same time

he always asks
why i am sad

he always asks
why i would choose the sadness
over happiness
every time

i don't want to be happy
completely
because i am
an echo of my soul
and there are parts of me
missing

abcd  g  j   m

if i could tell you
how much i miss your shadow
at night
when i am asleep

i still wouldn't

I Hate Your Answers
When They Are
Everything
I Really Want To Hear

he blew a kiss to me
across the garden
I thought that I felt it land on my cheek
but it must have landed on
the sunset instead

The stars were beautiful that night

we were answers once
but then we left
and became questions

i have run out of words
to say

I will lead you on
Without even realizing it
And by then
It will be too late
To do anything

eventually,
we will all stop writing poetry
because everything we write
becomes true
and our pens don't stop bleeding

take my wrist
trace my eyes
i'm tired
of your lies

the bareness of your hands
white
like winter
stand out in the summer

just take me

i keep the words
you whispered to me
in a dusty box
under my bed

sometimes
i take them out
and they fly across the room
making me
remember
making me
wish
that i could forgive you

you can't  
use someone else's answers
for your own questions

the sunlight
ignites your eyes
and the only thing that i can do
is look away

let me hold your hand
and caress your wrist
barely
with my fingertips

look me in the eyes
and look away

i wish it was guilt
but guilt
isn't the synonym
for shame
and shame
is beige
and unrelenting
it's never halting
because
it's only
your conscience
you know

so move your hand
israel
and palestine

it seems to be so easy
to press
the red button

why then,
is the aftermath
so ******* hard

these are all lies
wrapped into
gold
and dipped in the light
of the moon

take some wine
a tumble
across the bed sheets
with another
until it feels better
until it feels
like you can understand
it fully
though it's really
just an illusion
that falls
like a shadow
cool
across my skin
in the summer

moving in the wind
that keeps changing direction
like my opinion

and this poem