we
are all humans
with blood
red
minds
swirling
hearts
beating
like thunder
and words
stumbling

(at least
that's what we
all
should be)

but we keep forgetting
and we move
our sites
over to someone else
and we press the red
button
we were told
never to
or pull the trigger
without seeing where the bullet
is about to go

and then we can smile
and laugh
and forget

the ruined buildings
and shattered skulls

I watched his eyes
Fall downwards
Like ocean coloured rain
Sadness
And beauty

My heart hangs
At the sound of his sigh
At his absent smile

His fingers
Entwined carelessly
At my fingertips
Feel warm
And cold
At the same time
And I don't know
What that means

there was a man
whose heart broke
as an echo of thunder
that fell across the sky

it was carried across the ocean
by a moving wind
racing to the warmth
of the sun
where she heard it
and fell in love with the sea
instead of the tears
he had wept

forever
isn't the eternity

we were brought up
to believe

in

it ends
for the butterfly
faster
and for the blossoms
that land in your hair
sooner

there aren't
enough
umbrellas
in the world
to save me
from you

there aren't
enough
colours
in the world
to describe you

or sounds
to capture
the movement
of your soul
never ending
above me

watch me
with my eyes open
and closed
stain the ocean
with the spread
of your cool beauty
take me
quickly
before anyone else
can take my heart

all the reasons
for our feelings
are blown away

by the wind
carried by the stars

stirring
dying leaves

but our feelings
never seem to leave

there were lights
hanging over the horizon
they were on a hill
but i couldn't see the hill
because of the mist
and the smoke
from a thousand cigarettes

it looked like the lights
were floating
and the idea
that they were
made me terrified

i am afraid
of the things
that hang in the air
like your words

I want to capture
The sound of your voice
In my palms
And hold it to my ear
Whenever I feel alone

I want to hear you
The way I used to long
For the voice of the sea

I feel
As if i could bow down
At your feet

i want to know your lies
for what they are
and not for
honesty

The space
Between us
Grows wider
When you pull me closer

Your eyes
Like your soul
Are too tired
To catch my own
You catch my hand
Instead
In your own
Isn't that just so much easier..?

A feeling settles over
My cool skin
A shadow of the trees
Flicker in the moonlight
Your footsteps
Approaching
Walking away
With a few moments
In between

This is not the sadness
I long for
Echoed in the night
By the stir of a feather
Or the falling
Of a leaf

I hold the gun
Cool and weighted
In my hands
Feeling it shake
Uncontrollably
I watch the moon rise
My body swaying
Press the gun
To the place you pressed your lips
When you whispered
That I needed
To take it all away

I pull it back
Hear the spin
And the click
A sound
To slow
For me to catch

i had to scrub
the initials of your name
off of my skin
but it stayed
scarred on my heart
even after the redness
had faded away

the sunlight
ignites your eyes
and the only thing that i can do
is look away

it's not okay
anymore
and nothing that you say
counts

if i could say goodbye again
i would
do it differently

i would
bow down in front of you
because now i know
so much
because of the heartbreak
you caused

i would kiss your hand
as the sun set
and the moon rose
and i would slip away
before you woke
(even though i was drawn to you
when you were asleep)

i would
still write you
that letter
you got after you swore
never to want me again
but i would have
written
'goodbye'
at the end
instead of letting the word
die on my lips
too weak to make it
onto the page

so that we could have never
said hello
again
so soon

1/01/2014
I had a dream about you
And it was laced with regret

03/2014
You came back to me
With a smile
And questioning eyes
Who had I become?

04/2014
You hold my hand
To your lips
Sporadically
And I'm not sure
What I feel
Anymore

you asked for a secret
and I couldn't tell you
because you
are my only one

it feels like
it should be
later than this

and the cold
is creeping in between
the spaces
of the window
and the sky
cloaked
in the shadows
of silver clouds
against a black
that's darker
than it should be

i wish
there was a stamp
that stamped out
dark words
that were sad and beautiful
onto white
pages
that were naive
and empty

what do you mean
by telling me
that you want me?

take me
like the breeze
tumbling from the leaves
carressing my skin

describe my hair
like falling
rivers
down my back
in the summer

what do you mean
by telling me
that you want me

take me
like the wind
fierce and hard
slamming
waves
against the aching shore

my eyes
like a storm
tell me
that they're hypnotizing

what do you mean
by telling me that
you want me
when all i can do
is slip through your fingers
like rain?

please
press your fingers
together
and stop letting me go

what if the words
we really need
to read
are in a language
we don't understand

you keep crossing your eyes
thinking it means something
but it really
means nothing

i keep whispering
your name to the sky
and all it does
is weep
and turn grey
and blue
and black
like my heart

It's the words
Pressed inside of your fist
Held against your heart
Seen in your eyes
That makes me
Want You

what is it
he said to me
eyes plagued
by pale happiness
against an impending storm
a storm I couldn't let him see

I smiled
and held silence in my palm
a finger pressed to my lips
and watched him sadly
the way he would try to save me
from thoughts
no one could answer

I wonder where the wind took him
if he can still see me
ink pressed into my fingers
staining tears on full pages

it’s so easy
to smile
and sound happy
when all you are
is relieved
and you’re not
so sure why

You had me
At hello
And I thought that I would have you
At good bye
Otherwise
I would have never made you leave

did you
remember how my lips
tasted
the way i memorized your eyes?

this is our goodbye
kiss my fingers
the way you're used to
gentle
a smile
against the tips
barely there

this is our goodbye
hold me
in safety
about to stand from a fall
that made the stars
fall
and burn
our eyes

this is our goodbye
whisper
into my hair
how much you want me
everything you're going to do to me
send shivers
up my spine

this is our goodbye
do everything
you murmured
into my ear
underneath the black
filling
sky

this is our goodbye
our love
ending
with the absence
of the word
rhyming with never

this is our goodbye
i don't suppose
that i should have
loved you

i can't tell you
why i am afraid
only that i am

i can't tell you
why i miss you
only that i do

i can't tell you
how many times
i've awoken
crying
from dreams of you
only that i have

i can't tell you
of all of the wishes
i have made
i only that i always used to

i can't tell you
how much i love you
because if i do
then you should feel it too

take my wrist
trace my eyes
i'm tired
of your lies

Don't tell me that you're scared
When you have been so brave
All along

Frightening
Terrifying
Black and white
Photographs
And words

Collide
With  my thoughts
Collide
With my feelings
Make me stop believing
In everything

It's more difficult
To live this way
It's easier
To live this way

Is it okay
To believe in a lie
If it's true

it's not enough
for me
to do anything but love you

i don't trust myself
the way you think i should
because i don't make sense
even though
you swear
i make sense to you