have you ever had a dream so good
that when you wake up
it hurts so bad?
I find peace in thinking
that I could settle somewhere
cold but green
being sustainable and nature-lover
i don't forgive easily
i hold grudge
tight and firm
i hold it like an impaled object
stabbed in me
afraid that if I make a slight wrong move
or have the courage to pull it off
i might bleed to death
-slight confession (part1.1)
How many of your days here are happy?
And how many of those are real?
It is my sincerest wish that you find real happiness.
Living in this world was never easy for me
to be honest i used to find peace in the thought of death
end of all - pains, sufferings, trials, heartbreaks
because why try hard to live when dying is hundred percent easier
I socialize, but deeply I hate human interactions
My mom used to tell me when she's mad
that I'm better off alone
And I must admit I'm really good at being alone
My best friend said that she can't imagine someone would tame my attitude, I'm twisted, complicated and I can't blame them
I don't even understand myself most of the time
I hope you don't hate
the reflection you see
when u look in the mirror
If two people are meant to be,
In the end it'll be their story.
But after you left, I say
If we're still meant to be,
Then **** destiny
countless sleepless nights
river of tears; ocean of sadness
dozen of prescribed pills
never-ending cycle of time travel to the memories we shared, half-hoping it'll happen again
years of doubting my worth
BUT I GET IT NOW
"Why you didn't stay?" I asked myself.
And the answer hit me like a thunderstorm stirring in a hot humid afternoon waiting to strike anytime:
"Some people came into our lives not to save us, but to teach us how to save ourselves."
i save myself today
you started it with a nick
and end it
with a twinge
but it's my overthinking that
tore it apart
and broke my own heart
i think our biggest problem today
doesn't lie anymore
with not saying what we wanted to say
in listening only to what we wanted to hear
life is a never ending series of
"I'll figure it out."
they say they will like you
until the storm within you starts stirring up
and blew them all away
and you were left alone
survived your storm
i lost count of sheep
on waiting for you to tell me something
i want to hear
i lost track of time
on waiting for you to catch me
in this falling game
but above all
i lost myself
trying to be someone
you want me to be
you are nothing
but a distant lingering
i used to be
your soul was made to stand the fire
burn the rage of sadness
and like phoenix rise from the ashes
no one warns us
on the amount of pain
we'll endure for the first heartbreak
it'll either be
and in between is getting worse everyday
don't feed on memories
it'll keep you starving
why do you look at me
like i'm an easy thing to let go?
which weighs heavier?
the regrets of what did not happen
the memories of what had happened
your drunken eyes
keep telling me
a different story
i hope the things we never speak of
aren't the same things we'll regret someday
i'm slowly learning that most people
want only my attention
not my heart
it was too hard to handle
and feelings change
and people change
but from the start,
and in the end....
always goes on..
and so do you.
The harder you hit the bottom,
the higher you can bounce.
i hope the things that made u cry
late at night
someday will make u smile
and turn your day bright
Which day are you living on?
we are not our failures
we are what we choose to become after those failures
can you make this one loud?
let's learn to listen with understanding
not to prepare for our replies
from my thoughts
from my demons
from these pains
but most of all,
save me from you
I wanna hear you saying
"I love you"
But when you utter the word
When do you know it’s love?
When you’re in love with yourself
as much as you are in love
True love will tell you
that you are
I wonder how could I forget
something I just said
in a blink of a second
but couldn’t forget
every detail of you.
You gotta write what you feel,
when you feel it.
Rawness became so underrated these days.
it can either make you fearful or fearless
How did I learn to write?
When I learn, that pain can actually be a pen.
And blood turns to ink.
i learned writing in a hard way
They asked me why I’m sad.
And I tell them,
if you’re not happy,
what else could you be?
He tells me, he wouldn’t.
Yet he ******* did.
I told myself I will forget you.
I didn't say I would do it.
You can see different souls
in different perspectives
and sync with them
i knew some who
they were happy enough
i share in your joy
what's meant to be will always find a way
like a trapped water finding its way out
Everyone wanted to be happy.
Me, I just want to be a little less sad.
People who are very cautious of
who can walk in and out
of their lives
experience pain in extreme way
You can't blame their hearts.
Perhaps that's the thing about writing
It demands sadness.
my heart goes
in depression and anxiety
sadness takes too much sometimes
Why do you push people away?
"I want them to be happy."
why do we become so much of what we're afraid to be?
your smell is the closest
I've been to home
moments you shouldn't be visiting
quit tripping over them darling
i'm telling you, it's dangerous
it's like intentionally tripping again over the same rock
to willingly fall on the same spot you've been
you already knew that
and it's ridiculous to be hurt by choice
it's crazy to made a mistake twice
so stop doing autopsies on memories
that died long ago
it's not worth it