it's a little but plenty
it's so cheap but expensive.
It's so brave but it's cautios
and so sweet nearly noxious.

it's so full, and so empty
it's so bright and so tempting
so fulfilling and breaking
what it gives you will take it.

It will knock you off your feet
it will dislocate your heart
it will wither your bones and
it's not even the worst part.

It will starve you and leave you
then take back and forgive too
it will beat you up daily
hourly make life dreary

it will spill, it will cry
when you turn away wry
lift you higher than heaven
bury deeper than hell
your vision will better
but blindness will find a way.

you will come out a *******
egocentric but lost
selfish, trustless and beaten
sell yourself for no cost.

throw yourself at a stranger
look for comfort and "it"
years will pass, pain will ease
you'll still die incomplete.

In the moment, the clarity of the seconds where the self exists I am wallowing
The now is a draining flow of self disrespect
I take what little dopamine I can find from the stories we build in new interactive and technologically enhanced ways
Because I can't seem to let go of when I spoiled the party, showing the people an abstract cancer inside myself
Maybe its the remnants of wine and revelry that juxtaposes against it which gives me reason to indulge in the bitter
Maybe the alcohol and carcinogens are a physical drain I should take into account
Or maybe showing these people that I still am behind, am weak against my personal struggles, maybe its something that I'm ashamed of

This is shame I'm feeling after all
Over something so stupid, and forgettable, yet..
Symbolic of a burning desire that scares me
Anger, the need to fight, shout, scream and 'win', whatever that means
Would I lose it if I stood in shorts and gloves and made the other man fall?
Or does it represent what I think it does?
An emasculating realisation of time lost, friends no longer friends, a face in the mirror that still isn't good enough
As much as I try to love him

I don't know
But now some people I respect know how pathetic my anger can sound so..
You'll have to forgive the self consciousness
I'm thankful for knowledge, friendship and the direction I've manifested out of the madness
I think after giving my body a push, my equals a Hello, my crafts an hour and a bit of a shaping
I'll be fine

I just I don't like being angry

I can smell it.
Like the musty wind before the devastating hurricane, I can smell it.
I can smell the sadness and the tears from late night musings.
I knew the entire thing is doomed from the beginning.
But like a fool who's used to believing, I held on.
It was too slippery.
I lost my grip.

Metal:
A music genre
that speaks of
The soul of withered flowers
the soul of warriors
The soul of fallen ones
The soul of phoenixes
The soul of survivors

I dreamt of us walking
By the riverside
On those nights we were talking
'Bout nothing and everything

Will she stick around this time?
She's hesitant, but she might
I would die to read through
The closed Book of You

There was a star
Shining down on us
As we brushed but never touched
Treading forest trails
Telling endless tales
Of all that once was and all that could be

I can’t see you next to me
But I can feel you breathe
Come closer now, confide
All the things that you hide

Hurry now before it's too late
Dawn creeps up as we fade away
Only memories will remain
Of you and I
My love, bye bye
Bye bye

such a burden to
open your heart to someone
new, to lay it out
splayed out on the table
like unfiled papers undocumented
in time or place

only case
cos slow and steady wins the
race

i’m scared
i’m scared that you will
see me as i am
all my bulges and bruises and
lines and decide that i am too much
or not enough
to fill the space between your arms

i’m scared that i won’t
have enough to say, that you
will tire of me and i’ll be stuck
in the purgatory between your mouth
and your heart

i’m scared
to love as i have loved before, butterflies
so new and strange, turn to
fire and smolder for years at a
time, grieving what should have
could have would have
been had i just been
different

you make me want to be better

you make me want to let
go of the insecurities that have dwelled
in the burning depths of my gut for
so long
and be myself

you make me forget
that i’m shy
that i’m not enough
that i’m too much

hold me close

kiss my palms

and i will hold you tighter

goodnight, handsome