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 Jul 2014 Still Crazy
Helen
This will not be a flowery prose
Wrapped in an imaginary love heart
This will be my new beginning
Writing this will be a start

This is not a love story
That people love to hate
There is just the start and then the end
In between does not even rate

This is not where I will beg
With flowery words of love forgotten
This is where I’ll say to you
To me, all we had now smells rotten

This will never be a love sonnet
Whispered through the sands of time
But to me, as I remember all to be
It will remind me of you, you slime!

This is not a love poem
No longer even a love song
The bitterness of my tears
Have dragged on far too long

This is not the happy ending
I dreamed of to be true, so
This is where you kiss my ***
While assuming I’ll pine for you
19/08/2010 - going through some of my older writes. I call this my 'angry phase' :)
 Jul 2014 Still Crazy
Helen
Where are all the carnival rides
The Ferris wheel with bright lights
The fairy floss and cherry cokes
and the warm sultry nights
The call of the racketeer
encouraging all to take a chance
Where's the monkey you carried
just so we could hold hands

Where are all the park benches
that used to ring the pond
Where are the acres of green grass
where we sat as you sang me our song

and where have all the ducks gone?

Where has gone the soda shop,
the big band dance halls
and the local Ihop?

There stands the apartment block
where our little house once stood
Where have all the children gone
that we once watched from the stoop

Where are the endless games
of hide and seek and peek a boo
Where's the night gone, the fires out
Where is the heartbeat of our intimacy we shared in our bedroom?

Its all there in the asbestos ceiling
and in the plaster that is cracked
it crinkles beneath fingers
of cold cotton bed sheets
sterile of comfort and it lacks
the vibrancy of emotions
from another lifetime
Laying still, awaiting the ground
It drifts like fog in an ageing mind
 Jul 2014 Still Crazy
a m a n d a
i will break in
the coming together
i will break
against the falling apart.
 Jun 2014 Still Crazy
Helen
When we are born
there's no Wrong
or Right
there's no Black or White
there's no indecision
We sleep when we're tired
we eat when hungry
We cry if something's not right
we laugh at anything funny
We see with perfect vision...
At Kindergarten we make our first
Best Friend
The one person that held our hand
when milk time was a disaster
and we napped together
and home time came faster
because Friend times Fun
equals Time goes By
and One plus One
equals Forever Mine
In Little School we first meet
Prejudice
It's the pretty girl
wearing the pretty dress
while your hand me downs
scream your secret shame
It's her you blame
when your lifetime friend
who wore the same milk mustache
as you at Five
takes her side
the waves of I don't get it
washes over you on a tide
of unreasonable insanity
but your Vanity is total
to One minus One
equals Alone on a Beach
totals I Am No One
By High School you're confused
by the elevated status
of the praying mantis
the chickadee that seems to be
an all boy zone that is open 24/7
and the gentleman
that snakes out his hand
to land on your rear end
euphemistically called
the Octopus  
by then...
You've never really got it...
It made no sense
as the informative years
just saw you sitting
upon a bench
crying tears
that you eventually sniffed
upon you Third winter sweater
gazing upon a frozen pond
in the middle of an empty park
you saw the cracks the ice skaters
didn't
but it didn't make you feel better
So you call out... Crack in the Ice!
They look blankly at you twice
and continue to skate
with their own voice in their head
With a shrug your mantra sighs
I did what I could, I can't beat
someone else's vice...

Here come the working years
here comes the awkward fears
Of What if I'm not good enough
Where do I go when I've had enough
Where are my friends that I never made
What if I can't make new friends
Who can I talk to at the end of the day?

So heartbreaking...
to know that your best friend
that wore the same milk mustache
got married 2 years ago
and you weren't invited to the wedding
Even though you lived 2 doors down
for nearly 15 years, shared boy stories
and plenty of chocolate talking
and now she's having her second baby
while her husband is Manager
of the local Tyre King
and stupidly I thought
She got everything!
Except that I couldn't go to her wedding
because I was in South America
and I remember my Mother called
and said You remember Yvette?
She's getting married to Steve
he's going places, they'll have a family
next July, the joy on their faces!
So dear, how's things in Africa?

and I laughed with sorrowful Joy
at my mothers voice and said
Well Mom, the sky is Red
bleeding with sorrow
for all the animals slaughtered
but here's one truth about your daughter
She's actually in Brazil
about to board a boat
to travel further south
to places remote
to take vital medicines
and vaccines to those with no hope
She's taking her fully qualified Doctor
self, alone

Unmarried is not unfulfilled
Solitary is not a life sentence
our lives could be filled with
a million people, but in silence
eventually we'll get it
 Jun 2014 Still Crazy
R
We went on a date tonight.
Not the sort of "normal" date considering
my sister was there and we couldn't act as
a couple because it is frowned upon with
my family and many others (not that it matters
about the others)
. But, nethertheless, it was beautiful.
You are beautiful. Even with makeup on, you are beautiful.
With deep copper and black shimmering lids and
pin-point straight hair (unlike your usual lioness curls)
and your gorgeous laugh, it was so breathtakingly hard
to not stare at you throughout the night, darling.
I looked over at you when you had your first tea
(another first for you, I seem to always be your first for everything) and I felt something I haven't exactly been feeling lately,
pure love for you.

I felt the purest form of love for you in that moment.
I watched you as you mixed in some cream in the
"London Fog" tea (My new favorite...Also Sherlocks...Interesting.)
and I put in a sugar cube or two and watched as you sipped.
Your lips touched the cup gracefully, just like they when they kiss my lips. And my heart grew immensely when I realized I was falling in love with you all over again.

I have been constantly in love with you, my love hasn't stopped, and I don't plan on it ever stopping. But, sometimes I forget to appreciate the beautiful things around me, and sadly, that sometimes includes you.
You are beautiful, and I fell in love with you again.
I know we didn't touch much, and I know it wasn't everything you
wished for it to be, but my God, it was the most perfect time
in all of the Universes history.

I applaud you, darling, for making everything I do and live for seem so important... And for loving me while I fall in love with you
over and over again.
It was a Sherlock themed date with tea and soup and yumminess and mystery and it was great. I loved it and I love her. L<3
I know its love, but I just HAD to write about tonight(:
 Jun 2014 Still Crazy
a m a n d a
is
 Jun 2014 Still Crazy
a m a n d a
is
as things recede in time
they become less real
and whatever you thought would
be enough is not. and
whatever you thought
would be enough to get
you by -

things become aligned to center
as they recede in time
composed of more air
lighter
(heavier)
less resistance bleeds
to more veins
and the explosion of
numbers diminishing becomes
an expected thing.
 Jun 2014 Still Crazy
a m a n d a
(summer samba)

still,
tears roll down my cheeks
for you.
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