I feel like I'm going crazy.
I feel extremely lonely
My mood goes from up to down
I'm pushing the one person I care about most away
I'm looking for happiness in the wrong people
I cry easily
I can't focus on my homework
I want to be alone but being alone hurts
I can't stop being the person I used to be
And I feel like I'm going crazy.

You put everthing else before me,
you dont text me back for days at a time,
you only talk to me when you are having a bad day,
but when I need to talk you think my problems are insignificant.
You call me names and say things to me
that make me feel like I am a ****,
you say you aren't using me because
there is a sentimental value when we touch,
but I can't help feeling worthless when we're done.

I told you last night
that I'm not letting this happen any more
and that if you want me in your life
you're going to have to prove it.

and you said "alrighty then".

You touched my heart
and managed to rip it out
like it was yours to take.
If you asked,
I would've given it to you
without a second thought.
But your self righteous attitude
assumed you could take it and
not give anything back.
So I was left here sitting on the floor
of our abandoned apartment
with an empty chest and a full mind.
All I could think was how stupid of me
to think you could actually love me too.

Maybe I leave with them because I can’t come home to you.

To the next girl
To the next girl, I hope you fall in love with his blue eyes and big smile.
I hope you notice everything about him. Notice how his eyes glow when he’s smiling. Cherish his smile, because you don’t see it as often as you should.
I hope you listen to his problems but don’t try to fix them because he insists on doing that himself.
I hope you learn that to him, trust is everything. All it takes is one time, one mistake  and it will go away.
I hope you are okay with the fact that one minute he will play a country song and sing his heart out then the next he’ll have on rap and just bob his head occasionally saying the lyrics.
I hope you meet his mom and she loves you. I hope she brags about you to him, about how lucky he is.
But don’t let that fool you, he isn’t the lucky one. You are
I hope you make him happy, because I failed to do so.
I hope you’re okay with his bad habits, because he won’t change for anyone.
I hope you’re okay with hanging out with his friends, because his friends are his brothers and they mean the world to him.
I hope you know that even if he doesn’t tell you he cares, he does.
I hope you know that he’s broken even though he seems so strong. He needs you to build him back up.
I hope you play with his little sister. She doesn’t talk much but if you pick her up and spin her around I guarantee she will scream “Again! Again!”
I hope you introduce him to your family, let him come over, let him meet your dad, your mom, brothers and sisters.
To the next girl
I hope he loves you back.

9/12/15*
What he didn’t know
What he didn’t know was that she knew she wasn’t enough. She knew that right now he’s begging her to be his, but in 6 months he’d be begging her to leave him alone. What he didn’t know was that she knew she wasn’t enough.
What he didn’t know was that she knew he could make her happy, but she couldn’t make him happy.  He didn’t believe her when she told him so. He insisted that she was overthinking it and that everything would work out just fine. What he didn’t know was that she knew he could make her happy, but she couldn’t make him happy.
What he didn’t know was that her life was a lot more complicated than what it seemed. She made her life out to be something it wasn’t. No one knew about her childhood. No one knew about her depression. No one knew how many times she wanted to die, but didn’t have the guts to make it happen. What he didn’t know was that her life was a lot more complicated than what it seemed.
What he didn’t know was that she was incapable of being loved. Every guy that has come along has tried and left. She knew she was a lot to handle. She tried to make it easier, but insecurities could have killed her. What he didn’t know was that she was incapable of being loved.
What he didn’t know was that she loved him. He couldn’t tell by the constant phone calls, constant text messages, tweets, and snapchats. He couldn’t tell by how she always wanted to be with him. He couldn’t tell by her always wanting to touch him, to be held by him, to be kissed by him. He couldn’t tell by her smile. What he didn’t know was that she loved him.
She thought he was different. She thought that they were different.
What she didn’t know was he was the same, and so was she.
What he didn’t know was he couldn’t handle her, and she told him so.

I tried so hard to resist the taste of your lips again.
Saying no to the chance to feel happiness for a few fleeting seconds
is a very difficult thing.
I felt a strong pull in my chest to connect to you
and I tried to pull back
but the heart wants what it wants.
I gave in.
The next day you were all that I could think of
but I knew you weren't still thinking of me
so I snapped out of it.
and I went on my first date with him.
And I kissed him that night,
but it wasn't the same because I wasn't madly in love with him,
like I am with you.