I don't remember the colours
looking so bright
and distinguished from each other
You tell me,
I have not been looking
I did not want to open my eyes
until now
until i saw the contrasting shapes and colours all colliding all collating together
all at once
this is what it is like
walking through the woods in Autumn

Trying to chase after you
you you
wouldn't even look round at me
Once you have your mind set
It's settled
Your mum even said how stubborn you are
just like her
but I would learn to love you
or put up with it
in her words
And I even stopped the ladies in Wandsworth Common
I did
They were bemused
And I was confused
but all of this was really old news
because you had decided to choose something new
In reflection
I suppose
I shouldn't have so much disdain
for something new
it's a feeling I should
I suppose
get used to.

I'll always love you but I need to walk away
and there you went
before I could even have my say

I'll always be here but I need to walk away
you were unable to meet my eyes
and i thought about all the things that had tied
us together
and how we had unravelled
so ferociously
like a ballet dancer
pirouetting
endlessly

I'll always think of you but I need to walk away
thoughts we didn't need
please
do not remind me
of a time I'd rather forget
memories that need to be left in the past
and maybe they will become less and less as time passes
as we both walk away

I built a wall you couldn't climb
you dared to jump
but it was too high
The Nephilim wouldn't be able to tear these bricks down
and you said it in passing
as the red buses passed us by.
Our fingers brushed
but couldn't intertwine
you looked at me
while I faced the other side.
By now, I thought you would have given up
A patient man
A patient man
I was grateful for your patience
and you were grateful for me
but at what expense?
I built a wall so high
that no one could climb
so high
so high
it surpassed the sky

a fading memory I am clinging on to
fleeting romances
and I didn't even catch his last name
sharing plates
but this will be our last date
confusing conversations of who I said what to
oh sorry that must have been someone else
that look
that look
they know
we all know
what love is like for us
it is just a fleeting game

You weren't yourself
you didn't tell us you were leaving
but we knew you would
and if only you could see
We have all changed now
in our own ways
I can't remember us changing like this before
and maybe it's because you haven't been here

Turning inwards
Looking at self
Less time to compare
To the outward space
Of physical worlds
Illusory escapes
No more
Turning inwards
Into the light
The sense of self