You quote me verbatim
Just words you've never heard
What I wrote for myself
Did you read? Did you learn?
Why is what I muse your concern?

at my foothill of persona
and of our pixelated dynasty
begins an Everest journey
of a stalemate
of hopes
and expectations
of intimacy
and socialization

4 years in expectation
4 years in perilled ranges
through cold and lonely
through barren unseen valley
through 1251 miles

close enough to see the Northern lights
never tall enough to hold them

his emotion, the matter of which
had long been permeated too deep below
under a bedrock blanketing of masculinity
he had carried deep below himself
from youth

he didn't shed a single tear
when they buried his father
early this same year

it was in this emotion
he had held at arms length
where he didn't see himself in how
he felt
but in the product of a reserved character

his generation had worn no cross
rest laurels on the working man
he saw his peers as no great loss

in seldom shedding a tear
he saved face, in some amount
of personal self restoration
and

*it was only in his love had seen
some inkling of inner working
in his longing perchance to dream

Ancillary Artery Athena
An Abstract Apparition
Attracting Adorned Artistry
Adamant Affection
Abdicated Acedia

You'll be happy, whatever you do

I just hope I can do right by you

I'll be there, whatever you choose

I just hope I can do right by you

I plan to pay for my meal with debit
The cashier says they do not accept debit, but there is a bank machine
Right as I'm about to leave, she says that I can just go eat now and pay for it later
I sit, eat, and contemplate

I no longer HAVE to pay for this meal
Is it a payment of good karma towards me that I received "free" food?
Is it an opportunity to gain good karma, as I pay for the meal that I could have easily stolen?
Is it an affront to karmas payment to me, to pay for the free meal that was given as a gift?

3 a.m. and change
stumbled there again
extended beach and pier
a stuttered kiss and cheap beer

night's highest winds and shaken wharf
clouds swirl, trees shuffle, the night shrouds darker
for Earth, their giant, were left it's dwarf
counting constellations from its harbor
just drunk, humble
as berries of it's bramble.

For nothing ever meant more
Than to gain such praise
Equally idolized in thought and emotion
Such as a straight forward maze

Never fetter as to make yourself known to me
Create yourself shimmering and vibrant
Not that you would go unnoticed
But so my expression never fall silent

Stand for what your excellence is
Your true uncompromised nature
You know just as well as I do
Our expression is crafted as a glacier

I feel your deepest expression
You brought yourself into me
As I more than return such favour
We plant such seed to be such tree

And most late nights it's that
There's nothing else that I could do
But lay awake in an empty bed
My solitary thought could only be you

I remember when my pillow had a shirt.

Laying in bed every night it was gripped tight
And there were wrinkles not creases
And the silence was so ceaseless
Laying in deadest night made memories my light

The shirt, sized small and plaid.

Now the cold morn feels so warm.
And I know no more old guilt
And it's a lilting life I've built
Distorted social norms
Former perceptions deformed.

**A box in a closet, now folds, unworn.

I'm the sand in an hour glass
Waiting for some time to pass
And the brass tacks
Is time and space now
For what will last

You're pancake batter
I'm a breakfast griddle
Pour yourself onto me
Form yourself onto warm
Bubble over
Simmer, set, and stick
To me
With me

As crazy as it might be
This callus is a beautiful thing to me
What's an ego to go unbruised?
What's a heart left unabused?

I didn't get this hardened shell
From concrete, glass, or fires of Hell
Why dwell on the knell you gave my cerebral gel.
I'm under someone else's spell

My palace with this Alice
Unshared with such malice
As what gave me this callus
It should be just now, us

I can say with a sense of pride
I needn't abide by a bride
Whos the great divide on each side
Without intention, will break my stride

I won't be denied
This emotional high tide
This woman which I confide
My side, a guide astride this distance ride

This callus thick of scorned love
Glad you're not what I'm thinking of.

I crave so much
it curdles my blood
I need some release
I need to be loved

Love cakes my arteries
sweetness encroaches me
It's giving me cavities
bound as its devotee

Our life can't start soon enough
Getting off on hate just feels too rough
When due south we both will flee
When bodies close our parted sea

You're a cherry seed
in a shoe box apartment
a second floor's
the last thing you need

And I press my face to the screen
In a fleeting hope
That our foreheads might touch
That I might give
What we do so desperately deserve
And just to let
Our most basic instinct take over us

Ajoined faces
Connected in thought
Contact is ours,
Contact is our
Essential
Human
Need

Look at him
A pile of limbs
One hunk of flesh
He pulsates with blood

He's nowhere near human
He's a beast
Carrying burden
The privileged burden

Such is a privilege
To be morphed
Entangled
Intertwined

He's hideously deformed
Carrying a part of her
With him
Everywhere

She won't ever fall off
She won't melt away
She won't be cut off
He doesn't want her to

It makes him marked
An Elephant Man
Grotesque
To those who can't understand

Hundreds of us
Walk the streets
In plain sight
Deformed

When he's most alone
He looks to a tumour
He looks to a scar
Knowing "That's where you are"

When he's most at home
She starts to sink
Into his skin
To be closer to him

When he's said and done
When he's ready to stop looking
At his weaved flesh and bone
He'll keep her inside

Stowed her away
To fester inside
To let him walk
Free of deform

In the hopes that
Someone else could be so lucky
As to let themselves sink
To mangle themselves upon him

Let it be that he
Deforms
Just as he let himself be
Let them mark one and other

So that
They won't ever fall off
They won't ever melt away
They won't ever be cut off

Look at them
A pile of limbs
Two hunks sew flesh
Their hearts pulsate together

the coal
left unheld
without it's eon
having passed
never crystalized

the fog finally frothed
boiled over and bent
its way, in lapsing waves
covering it's covet
seizing the single morsel
it foremost famished for

When white-caps broke the Winter shore
The dirt had loved this tree no more
Birds who lost their taste for fish
Peck the wood bugs as succulent dish

"I hold myself above the sand
once overseer
baron of this untouched land"

Wind ran through his friends stood frame
Whom host less life, who's bark more tame
Lost count of rings decades ago, busy
Holding small ones from the snow


"Only once did man touch this land
In this, in us, they came to understand
We're small ones, we're trees
We're all the sand."

Nothing is always as life, not always in it's time
Nothing is always as death, as I gave the forest mine

And sometimes it's the same pixels
Making up the moon
It's starry eyes as fitful crystals
For a brown night sky they're strewn

4:54:53
5:00 am

I wouldn't bat an eye
If you couldn't sleep a blink

Restless waves from a tossing mind
Thoughts lap its shores
and crash long the banks

What a beautiful memory

Racing off the beaten path
Praising love through natures wrath
Pluck the last grape from the vine
Crossed legs trace lips
With a mountains forest, pine.

And pine I did for life last Spring
Pining nature be you it bring
The foliage grows upwards in spry
Towards grey sky, against the lie
That we were born to die

That we're always the cabin
We're always the paper
We're always the leaves
We make up the fire
If we aren't the trees.

Two trees grow together
Two trees brace the weather
We grow to touch the clouds
We burn the same fire
You're the Pine this tree needs
In this Forest Crowd

Often in my daydreams, old friends come to mind
I pray under my breath, that life might treat you kind

I can't, I won't, I don't, write, speak, or call
Whatever that reason may be, my love is with you all

What a pleasure it will be, to see you again one day
And should you ever cross my path, I have a couch where you can stay.

What's usually blemished considered a sin
Your accent marks on porcelain skin
Each crafted by caring clean hands
Crafted like a Persian Carpet
Each imperfection intended
So imperfectly perfect
Rich, pale, silk tapestry

Lily pads that dot a foreign river
Falls last leaves on Winters first snow
Paint splattered on white canvas
Each inch speckled
Every crevice freckled  
I'll find each one you wear

The Astrology of your body
Making constellations with my finger
Your back is Gemini
Orion on your shoulder
Leo for your inner thigh
Serpens, Sextans, Ursa Minor
Late night skies for lonely eyes

All I really expect is a cup of coffee in a couple of years.
I can't give myself the hope for anything more than that
and I can't ask for anything less.

Give me someone
Who I want to write about
Every single day
Every week
Every month
Deserving of a book
A syllabus of poetry
A bound book of affection
And use this account as a monument
Of unspoken words and feelings
I'll never tell her
Not one word
Not until its most important
Not until it's full
Not until she would need a lifetime
To read it all
Not until it's love
So when she finds it
She checks it
Every month
Every week
Every single day
In a state
Of constant update
A feeling never unwritten
A thought never undeclared
Give me someone
I want to write about

Send me some moments
Let me get the most from you
Please don't pass me by

Harold Chasen:*  *I love you, I love you
Maude:  *That's Wonderful! Go love some more.

She sticks to your skin like sleep on leather
She's potent as gin and light as a feather
She's spending the night in your temporal lobe
She'll dance in your head, in her sequin robe

A craftsman of fantasy
Your minds beautiful synergy
She's a brainwave
****** electricity

She makes cave paintings on bones
Her pictures mystic and unknown
So much like primitive nature
Running over with every tone

Your mind is domicle to her
Your mind is canvas to her
She grows like wanted weeds, like the clung dirt on seeds
She crawls the minds walls, She's vines all in a sprawl

She's your minds mistress
Making mental mischief
Thoughts you have are her's through you
She's there like glue to intrigue you

I hope there is some guilt
I hope this not from a bad place
I hope you can understand and appreciate what it is you had and what it is you've lost and what it is you've gained
I hope you understand there's a person hurt
I hope you understand that it wasn't the wrong choice

I hope for your happiness
I hope for a life for you
I hope for some reason
He's the life
I made promise to

But my stomach will pit
At knowing your bliss
A now long awakened passion
On some long pronounced kiss

I question as a man
If this is who I should be
To want your desires, made true
Sometimes feeling at the expense of me.

To make lofty your pedestal
In spite of this choice
To ache heavily in envy
And not stifle, but hear your voice.

It's a long dormant kind of love
When despite its hurt
They're always the one you want to put above.

Sometimes I wonder if I still get thought about, I mean, I know I must.

I wonder, when you can't sleep, to whom and when your thoughts do creep.

I don't want to be that place in the back of your mind.
That numbs you to your new love, because what you had loved
Is left behind.

could hardly go without an hour
glower, in light of the love she would shower
whats to be done when we're all i could do
where's meant life's light if it cannot pass through

I want to see her blink
I want to feel the touch
The seaming of her skin
Hand in hand, its clutch.

The texture of her hair
Between my finger tips
Your words in my ear
The magnetism, your lips

Hungry senses
And sensibility
And sense of responsibility
To feed my fevered heart
A three course meal
Of what I can't smell
Of what I can't taste
Of what I can't touch
Such gorgeous dinner
Should only blame my nerve endings
And not its own sweet bouquet
And not its own culinary savour
And not its own tender skinned nature
Hungry Senses
With a senseless palette

My compliments to the chef.

when it's a pin *****
on my soft skin a zit pops
i play my mind trick
and i stop
to think of the pain i choose
how i want to bruise
and bedazzle my back
in thumbtacks
running razor blades
making crimson masks

I really do hurt myself

nights were long sighs and lonely dreams
sleeping while your shirts on my pillow
and my pillow is in my arms
now its in a cardboard box
detox

now my nights are a real person
and sweat ingrains the sheets
I can feel warmth up against me
I feel her breath
a heartbeat

but I can still feel a pull from a pixelated vision
I dont have to type a word
Just the first letter and I know I'm closer
I get my life back, I feel in control
Gasping at wisps, so plainly absurd

Its gone. I'm not with whom you're really meant to be
Its gone. It's 5 months in a week
Its gone. Whats yours for me that's really left to see?
Its gone. But its really just beginning, so to speak.

I just want to know, I just want to know

I forgot what it all feels like

Somewhere the pillow in your shirt
just became a pillow and shirt
they became separated
I left them that way
I couldn't smell
My mind forgot
what warmth
was like

I don't feel lips, I don't remember lips
Hands on your hips, my mind's eye eclipsed
I have nothing to grip, but a thin veiled cloud
the memories, they slip, as my mind disavowed

I'm vulnerable, I'm human, I'm just a man,
All I can do is the best that I can,

You're a finished
Black and white painting
Hung up in my minds eye gallery

I hope it's not too much trouble
If I add some colour of my own
And let you be your accented self

There was nothing wrong
With you, black and white
But wouldn't you look lovely in colour

Wouldn't you look lovely
Having someone else
Paint you in a different light

I'm a black and white painting
In need of your paint
Your shades and hues

We compliment one and other
Each other's pallets
Each in need of collaboration

Love flew you in
Like a whirlwind
While I'm waiting by the sea
On some gentle summer breeze

With the base of your thumb
On the nape of my neck
You place a whisper in my ear
You register as a hum

... ... ...

The lean in to succumb
Ambitious nerve endings
Peakless addiction
Such ecstacy, so numb

Rain on hot concrete
Droplets off my tree
Grey sky, mountains peaking
Along a fencepost, liquid leaking

Sound outside my room
Of my gutters being full
My house becomes, a waterfall
The ground below, a puddle sprawl

Clouds made it away
With sweltered summer sun
Let it rain for today, I need an overcast
Let the sky envelope, it's cloudy mast

I already know what you want to tell me
whats the sense in dancing around the obvious

dont leave me haaaangin on the teeeeelephone
*dont leave me haaaangin on the teeeeelephone

feeling her ego
   bruising
around my neck
maybe there's a face
among our still young
Jackson Pollack loving

"Give me someone"
and you did

You're choking on a Jigsaw Puzzle
Cardboard claptrap
Caught in this riff raff
Pieces of hate
Which gets the last laugh
Ending gets its gift wrap

Let it circle the drain
Let it drip through the faucet
No anguish here, no pain  
Nothing can be flawless
Ground it up to sausage
Feed the dogs that garbage
That morsel of mental carnage.

Subtle focus
Small screen

Background hiss
Comfortable silence

Under cover
Night clad

Muffled yawn
Greatful smile

Quietly observe
Closest distance

Pink lips
Soft hue

Bright eyes
Hazel, brown

Heads met
With pillows

Lights off
Laptop light

Speaking whispers
Eye contact

"Okay."
"Okay."

War Memorial In November
Empty Fountain Lined With Leaves
Old Town Hall, Cherry Trees
Caught In First Winter Breeze.

Solidarity
Moment Not Soon Forgot
Not As Easily Remembered
Not As Easily Shared

City and Colour Soundtracks A Storm
Down Along The Mill
Before A Sloping Upward Hill
Wind Whipped Wild At Trees Stood Still

Soaked Wet Through Clothing
Late Autumn Truants
With No Other Reason To Be
Than To Feel And Find Expression

Making Back The Way To Work
Held Hand In Heartfelt Hand
Making The Best Of The Bland
In Such Moment's Not Meant To Disband

The Autumn air always grew stale
Until unseasoned bloom
Pluck the last leaf from the tree
Just as my new plants hue
Were sun shone locks of you

"Leo, just because it hurts
does not mean it is poetry."

We Linger.

As...
Part of a person
Long thought lost
Carried by vein's current
From it's long laden frost

I'm a man again.
I've realized.*
An awakening moment of prehension.
Into a moment years since materialized.