Give up, don't fight
**** myself tonight
It's not what I want
It is how I feel
I don't like to tell ya
But I somehow gotta deal

But maybe
It's the other way around
Cause at this point
I don't really know
What I truly Feel
If I feel at all
What I really think consciously
Conjure up at will

Put a pen to the paper
A keyboard to the screen
Post my poems online so I can finally be seen

I crave connection
Like all humans do
But as someone like me
I crave solitude

Get up, no spite
Safe myself tonight
It is what I want
Kinda how I feel
I really need to tell ya
To finally make the deal

"I remember how my grandmother tried to explain our world to me-
She told me a story
She said the ground and the sky, they love each other
But they don’t have arms
So rain; that’s just how they hold one another.
I began to see how the earth and sky need each other.
But I wondered about us.
In this perfect design, where do we fit?
Which piece of the puzzle are we?"*
-Shane Koyczan

Everyone has a general feeling of their own mind
She did not quite understand exactly how her mind was like
Until she started writing down all her feelings
Writing them down felt like she was organizing her own thoughts
Like looking at each small picture and then taking a step back to see the bigger picture, and fully understand it
She finally understood how her mind was like now
Hers felt so much pain and sadness
So gloomy
It was a quiet rain storm
The only thing she heard in her head was the demons telling her:
"don't eat"
"you're not good enough"
"no matter how hard you try to be special and be someone for someone, it will never happen".