I don’t feel like
I have a seat on any bus
There is no slot
For me to fit into
Where do I go?
What do I do?

You are lucky.
Lucky I’m willing to crawl back into my safety
Away from you.
Lucky I haven’t told her everything again.
You are lucky.

Time still
Changes everything

Even if you choose
To stay still

An ache so deep that
There are no more words
You begin to feel like
You’ll never meet anyone again
Constantly comparing everyone
To all of the good in you

You are a
liar, coward, cheat

Why did you speak to me?

I am tired again
I am weary in my bones
Lay me down here
I will wrap my arms
Around myself

I have nothing to say
When I
Am this way

I want to forget April
I want to erase May
June can also go away
I knew it
I knew it Dillan
I knew you’d never ever
Stay

Burn yourself at the stake
For the same blonde haired boy who said
I don't love you
I won't be with you
Still you set yourself on fire
You tied youself up
He's watching,
He won't save you,
He's intrigued by it or-
He's not the least bit interested.
Why did YOU burn yourself?

Here we are
Trying to love each other
The way the people in the
Picture inserts
Looked like
They loved each other

When would we admit it to ourselves
When will you let me be free?

She spelled suppose
As
Sappost
I hope you’re happy with that

I am not thinking about you anymore
Atleast that’s what I tell myself
But when I open my eyes in the morning
I can’t help but think about your day
I am not thinking about you anymore
I’m really trying
But I still wake up in the middle of the night, and wonder did everything go your way today?
I am not thinking about you anymore
I am hurting beyond measure
I’ve written this whole poem about you.

Don’t you see
I’m so in
Love with you
Listen,
I can’t live without you
And I wish you were
Near me now

I can’t decide if
Everyone was right
About us being crazy
Or if we really
Loved each other
I sometimes remember that first night with you
Things were good for just me and you

In the dark
You only have your soul.

Why did I think I could be with
Anyone
Why did I think I deserved
Anyone
Why did I think I deserved happiness

I’m trying so hard, not to think about you

You won’t say it
You won’t let me know
But I know
You are thinking of me too

I wonder if I will notice the grooves of
Your face digging deeper every day
As life erodes you away
I wonder if we will look young forever
To each other
Immortal in our love, in a certain way
How I reveled in spending every day with you,
Until our last day.

I am the rabbit
You are the carrot
Dangling on a string
Is that all we are doomed to be?

If you had told me
I’d lose my sanity in my 20s
Play
Mental
Slip
And
Slide


I would have asked you
To **** me right then
Do me a favor
Do everyone a favor

I haven’t had a hug
In so long
I just want someone
Warm
To embrace me
Fill me up
I’m lonely

I loved him
And he didn’t love me
The sun still rose
And it still set
I’m trying to figure out
How to go on
The way the sun does
Without him

My little sister
How I love you so
It’s not your fault
That you are everything I wanted
And can never have
But I love to watch you grow
As if bird watching
I am at a distance
It’s where I like to be
Safe from the wilderness of
Hearing how
Our dad was
Your daddy
But to me
He’s just some man

I just
want to hear your voice

I think about how I will wake up in the middle of the night and he won’t be there, he will be miles away. Drives away. I miss him before he is even gone, because I know what space he will make where he was. If I close my eyes and let every single day pass by through my mind, I’d not change a single one. I wish he’d stay. I wish he’d ask me to go. That’s not what happened though. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t crave me. Though it seems cruel, I have to say these things to myself. It douses the fire he sets inside my soul.
I thought he just belonged. I thought he was a permanent fixture, something that had to stay.

I tell myself you wont talk to me because it hurts that much,

But I know, you love her, you love her, you love her

What a fool I have been in this life

I didnt feel woman

Enough

I didnt even feel human

Enough.

I saw today
A new daughter
I’m so proud of you
I love you so much
I’m so happy for you
You are the best father

So why do I feel sick
Why do I wish I were me
Why do I feel myself wishing
You never went back

But every life is here for a reason
Welcome little Juniper
Little Jj
I Hope you are beautiful like your mother
But sweet like your father
They will raise you well

For every man who has fallen,
there is a woman who has kissed his feet,
so she marries the ground,
and the dirt,
and the earth,
while all of you look up,
wondering how you became so brave,
and handsome,
with your lipstick stained cheeks.

I wanted to be the falling star,
In someones pocket,
Never to fade away.

There has to be more to
Life
Than what I will spend it on
For a paycheck

Remember to smile,
Remember to brush your teeth,
Remember to wash your face,
Remember to have clean clothes,
Remember to never be late to work,
Remember to be a good wife,
Remember to be a good mother,
Remember to not be selfish,
Remember to love yourself,
Remember to clean the house,
Remember to wash the dishes,
Remember to get enough sleep,
Remember to wake up in time,
Remember to open your eyes,
Remember to smile,
Remember to brush your teeth,
Remember to pick up your feet,
Remember to breathe,
Remember how to be a good mother,
Remember how to be a good wife,
Remember to be yourself at work,
Remember to not be late,
Remember to take time for yourself,
Remember to not be selfish,
Remember to pay your bills,
Remember to clean the house,
Remember to do all the laundry,
Remember to pick up your arms,
Remember to be present,
Remember to smile.

Dear Baby,
I wish I had worked harder for you
So I could sit with you every day
Brushing hairs from your sweet face
I love you
My back hurts
My bones ache
I wish I had been smarter for you

I can tell you that,
the thought of getting to know someone
right now,
feels like one too many marathons I’ve ran, it’s hot and I’m tired.
I want to go home.
And
I don’t want to know who you are.

So he is as gentle as the sun

Gentle rising

Gentle setting

And how you loved to watch him rise up

Just as you liked watching him go down

Did everything go well today?
I mean, did everything go well moving into your new apartment?
How is the bedroom?
The one I’ll never see the inside of, the walls I’ll be unfamiliar with.
Was it everything you hoped for?
I missed you today
And yesterday
And the day before
Maybe not the day before that
But all the other days in between

I hope you
Get help

I hope one day you wake up
And the sun is risen out of your window
You go to start your day
And the emptiness sets in
The loneliness sets in
Knowing you have no one to really
Talk to
I know she can’t the way
I do

I hope you realize
The way you wrecked me
And I hope it wrecks yourself

I don’t forgive you
Not for the way
You just blocked me out
You acted like I was crazy


And when you miss me
Please
Don’t call
Don’t write
Don’t make a sound at all
Lie in the bed you made
Lie in it without me
Even when I miss you too

Yesterday
I sat in the shower
I cried
I hugged myself
I said to the sky
Why are you keeping me here?
Why are you keeping me here?
Why?

One day you wake up
And you just are
For a moment
Suspended in your dreams

Just enough to miss
But never enough to stay

I like the comfort you provided me,
But passion here only existed in between big words,
I dont like you.

You are less like a machine
More like a garden

More water some days
More sun on others

I am trying not to change
In the way rocks remain forever
Only weathered
I am made of flesh, bone, and blood
But I am still finding pieces of myself
Blown away

I'm so depressed,
And it isnt yout fault,
Please,
Dont go,
I cant hold my head up.

I waited my whole life
Slamming myself
Into brick walls of passion
Instant heat
Burning me up

And then I met you
I lit a candle in my finger tips
I melt
I drip
For you
I slowly burn
For you

And it’s 100x sweeter
Than the boy who
Made me feel something once
Because you make me feel something
Every day

I'd think of the times i'd often have something imperative to say
Not often
And so was it imperative?
imperative to speak?
"sometimes, people just want to know you love them"
it's exhausting keeping up
At this point in life,
I value the people who understand me and
understand my lapses of silence
I have nothing to say

Dear God,
If you have any mercy
Please
I don’t want to think about him anymore
I want to forget his voice
His eyes
His laugh
His smell
Help me let him go
Help me heal
Please show me
I won’t feel this way forever
That he wasn’t the one
That I can get over him

I’d rather live
Than die
I’d rather die
Than live
You can’t ask
The egg
How much he enjoyed
Being the chicken

Connection
Breeds
Creation

Bees
To
Flowers flaunting
pollen