I was someone who was so good to you
And you
You are just another boy
Who cheated
And
Lied

And all I’m worried about is
Having to stand in a room with you
Today is a day
Where I wish my face
Didn’t look like yours
So it wasn’t so noticeable
That I’m the one who looks
Just like you
That you never talk to

You play in my mind
Over and over
Broken tape
Just stay
Just stay
I don’t want to
Throw this away

I cant forgive you
I cant forgive you until you see me
It's not fair I must live with your regret

I cannot forget about what you've done to me
But you can

New family
New daughter
Replacement
You dont even have to think
But I do
I do
I do not ******* forgive you

You close your eyes at night
Sleep so peacefully
Knowing, you dont know me
You dont have to know me
Out of sight
Out of mind


-
Love, your daughter

Sometimes,

Every little thing

Gets

Under

My

Skin

Stupid *****
Huh
That’s what’s you said
I’ll show you why I’m the most intelligent
*****
In this room
No ***** you can grab
Me by

I've noted that for most of my life,
I've said too much,
I've wasted too much breath on pain,
so now I choose to rarely say anything,
Silence is enough weight.

Boys don’t ride on horses
Or speak carefully
Boys break bones
And they
Bellow with rage
Guttural scream
Boys are not gentle
They do not smell
Of cream

You ****

Emptiness
Dryness
Fills up these lines
More than passion has
In the last
Two years
I’m on my own
Wandering the dessert again

What does it mean,
To love yourself

And if you aren’t careful
Love will eat you up

I feel selfish
For saying
I deserve more
I deserve better

Sometimes
I sit here in the silent moments
And I live in the mornings
I could have shared with you
Coffee and jazz

But that wasn’t for us
Was it

I like you
Ok
Is that what you
Wanted to hear

Yes
Yes
Yes

I wish I had
A little more
Time to choose

And no I won’t settle
Settle for some boy
Promising the moon and stars
Only to show up
Smelling like alcohol
with
Tin foil ***** and cardboard pieces
In hand

I deserve worship
Worship me
Fall down to your knees
I want someone thirsty to
Taste me

I am made up of the
Mountains and oceans
Dark skies and pastel summer days
I won’t settle
For some
Boy

If you were my girlfriend
I would have treated you better
That’s what he said
It’s a good thing I’m not
And we just live together
And sleep together
And eat dinner together

There is a loneliness
That lingers here
Without you

Dillan
I miss you today
I miss you every day

I loved you to the ends of the earth and back
Because not every hill was shaved perfectly
Not every beautiful curve of the earth dips perfectly
There is magma and typhoons
And I love you

I will die
and you will die too
so will the rich man,
the poor man,
the sad man, and
the happy man
everyone dies,
but that is what we have in common,
death is what we have in common,
common man.

Someone can be the sun to you,
And you are the earth,
Just the third rock out,
Wanting to be close to them,
But they **** you, they melt every surface
They can live without you
But you can’t live without them
Their gravitational pull
Their warmth

Orange filled the trees
Climbing through the trellis
Rain drops kissing petals
A day of happiness
A day of rejoice

Secret eyes meet
Pick one soft
Honeysuckle
Forbidden sweet
Kissed my lips

Left empty
Smooshed on wet pavement
Stepping stepping
Many feet

I keep thinking about how
It felt like
You
And
Me.

I had not even looked at anything for months
Then I wrote about you four days ago
It’s almost like I knew

You can always
Message me here
I’ve blocked you
In every single place you’ve blocked me
I’ve made it to where no one can see
My new phone number
I don’t think you’ll read these
email me
One day
Some day
I will miss you every day
I will try not to
I will wait endlessly to hear from you
Again one day
I will try not to
I’m confused
I want to know why
I want to know what happened
I wish you would have told me
I wish you would have said
Goodbye

I know you don’t feel how I feel, and that’s okay, I’m okay with that. It’s insurmountable though, the way I feel. I don’t want to have any day where I don’t live with you, wake up with you, wait on you to get off work to have dinner with you. These are things I know  you don’t really consider, and that’s because you don’t feel the way I do. But it’s so hard for me. To know you are moving, to know you are leaving. I could spend every single day with you.
You are the funniest, most intelligent, most considerate, amazing person I have ever met. I have soaked up every single moment I have spent with you these last few months, and even though **** happened, you really are the first person to make me feel appreciated and seen. Maybe you don’t do all the extra stuff because we never reached that level, but you have just been a good person to me. You are wonderful, and I wish so badly that I could make you feel the way I feel. But you can’t force people to see someone a certain way, can you? It didn’t matter what we did here, the only way I would have never gotten attached is if I literally ****** and left and never talked to you, and the reason I say that is because in any other scenario I am always going to see you, spend time with you, learn what kind of person you are, and fall in love with you all over again. Im sorry for all the stress and worry, I am sorry for clawing at you like a satin table cloth slipping off a polished wood dining table to stay. I just wanted to spend every moment with you. I don’t think anyone would feel differently than how I do.

You spend so much chasing time

That you are wasting it

By trying to experience it

How dare the day keep going on
How rude
Don’t the sun and the moon
Know you died
Can’t the earth hear me cry
Why is it still spinning
Why does every day still
Go on

Nevermind
I take it all back

Boys want this
And boys want that
Dress this way so you will get a boy
Sit up straight
Cross your legs
So the boy doesn’t think
You are trash
Wear pants
Don’t make eye contact
With the boy
He’ll
Eat you up
Won’t he
It’s his world
That’s what they tell you
But he’ll give you roses
He’ll love you
And they’ve taught him to be gentle
But somehow never cry
Because it’s your job
To be weak

Roses are red
Violets are blue
*******
I love you
I miss you
I hate you
You hate me too

Was I light reading for the morning
Was I even that anymore
Or did you just erase me
Get rid of me

Give me a sign
Let me know
You are listening to me
Please
I won’t say anything

Thank you for being
Someone
And
Somewhere
Safe for me

So I think
I think about you
The sun rises
The sun sets
Before you go
I just want you to know
I’ll always think about you

As long as we could
Behave

As long as we could
Not act like monsters;

But we were monsters

All of us.

So you think
You make me weak in the knees
But really
I’m just trying to
Carve as many names
As I can
Into this tree, I am
Wittle away at me

I wish you knew how much
Space
You took up in my brain

I know you’d look at me and say
Don’t do that to yourself
And I promise
I promise
I hear you when you speak to me

I know, I know
Not here, not now
But what about another
Time
Another
Space

I love you
For what it’s worth
And only what it’s worth to you
I love you

I am wondering if you still read my works
Maybe you could talk to me soon
Please

We build your houses
With our proud bricks
As museums
This is how they live
And we take pictures for the field trip

We return home
Close our eyes
And tell our selves
We are aware of the worlds problems

And he never asked
But I loved him like that
I loved him like if he asked me to drop
Everything and leave
Tomorrow
I’d go with him
I love him in ways he doesn’t know
He doesn’t know
He doesn’t ask
I loved him like
Please please don’t go
Don’t go without me
Please take me with you
I loved him like
I couldn’t picture any day of
Any week
without waking up next to him
But
He never asked
I loved him like that

Dillan,
You are a coward
I will
Never
Ever
Forgive you.

You can hold something empty
But it’s still empty

I can beat you
At your own
Little game
Happy family
Happy life
Who can be happier without the other
Why are we doing this
Come back home

It’s at night when the full glass
Tips over the edge
Spilling and spreading out
Every thought of you
Dillan

I want
To
Spend
The rest of my life
With you

Some things neednt be said
They stand the way ancient trees do
Just like the way
I love you

Sadness usually consumes me
At some point
It’s like I’ve been running a marathon
Things are getting personal
But I can clear my mind
If I try hard enough
I only get sad
Sometimes
You can’t say that out loud though
People start to worry
It’s days like that I wish
We all just said what’s on our minds
I’m ******* miserable
How about you
Maybe miserable as well
I start thinking
Why aren’t people more honest
Why does honesty terrify them
So much

Depression peeking as the sun recedes more frequently; I am trying to stand on my own, trying to make my own home.

Buy me a ******* ticket, I want to leave.

But I want to take him with me.

But I love you.

Then I remember it's all not me; my whole life is a mirage with me in between in the desert.

I hate my brain, I hate my pain, I hate the way I want to stay ******* sane.