I should have been institutionalized
Lying on the floor at 15 taking all the pills in the house
I never succeeded in suicide
She gave me a tiny wooden box
A butterfly on the top, my moms favorite animal
I kept my razors there
Until the butterfly fell off

She spoke words that would melt in your hands
But instead her lips melted into yours
All of the sudden she forgot all of her plans
All of the sudden you opened up all of her doors
Just like that she's no longer poor

freckles, a slight lisp
honey bear your love is endless

Maybe my ex boyfriend was right, I am a *****.
I have no reason to be bored, yet I seek excitement.
I crave the forbidden instead of enjoying what I have;
Constantly craving the rush of a stranger's hand.
So far within my own head I might as well be dead to him,
The love of my life, I am afraid to lose, I am devastated
To think of such a thing, survival unlikely
If I keep living like this. but there is no off switch,
Only waves of guilt for things I've never done,
Yet have an absurd longing for.
I can't always be the center of attention;
But every second you're not touching me
I feel torn from you, and dragged miles away
But I am just a *****.

Here I am, 20 years of age
Still unable to enjoy a beer in a public place
Yet I sit in my best friend's apartment on a Friday night
The glow of the city life shining on me through the singular window
And in my quietness I hear the banter of people likely having lived longer than I
Drunkly sauntering in the cold
And I think I should be envious of their openness
Of their still fully sound youth
But then I realize that my preference to simply observe from afar
Is not of my own fault
But of the people and substances who took my youth away
And it died far too young.