"Am I the kind of guy you could see yourself having a relationship with?"
I thought for a moment.
I took a deep breath and said the truth.
After all, the truth is all I have now.
"Right now? No. I mean, awhile ago you were the most beautiful boy I'd ever come across. But right now, I can't afford to be in a relationship. At least not yet. Maybe one day I'll be able to see us together like I was able to for so long, but as for right now, I can't even see tomorrow. I hope you can understand that."
"I do. And I just hope you understand that no matter what you say, you cannot scare me away. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."*
Oh, my dear, I've been told that far too many times to know that it's not true.

A new name for a new person.

I'm currently at a family party
I was grabbing a chicken finger
When I saw my great uncle
How are you
He asks
I smile
Say
I'm fine
And
He
Chuckled

Said
I don't believe that

I ask why

He says

Because
I
Know
You

**** everything and everyone
The school told me I couldn't start a lumberjack society because it wasn't
"Educational"
So **** them
This Thursday I'm doing it
I'm bring in pancakes and we are wearing flannel and there's nothing they can do to stop us
I just wanted this one thing,
Just one ******* thing
And if it's a stupid club
Where we wear flannel and eat pancakes
Then who are you to ******* stop me
To take this away from me
You can't
When someone needs something, they will do what ever they have to,
I need something,
And now it's this club
So just try and ******* stop me

people seek only what they perceive to cause them good
people need attention, everything you or I do is for attention
I would not be posting poems on the internet if I did not want affirmation
you do nothing 'for yourself' or 'because I like to'
you 'like to' for a reason, because it serves some benefit
people are manipulative, they will use speech and body language to get what they want
people lie and steal and hurt
but they do it not because they know it is evil-
no, no one chooses to do an action that will cause them evil-
they do it because they are selfish
because the survival and progression of an individual
depends on the strength of his own self-interest
and it is in our nature to be selfish, that is just how we are
and the sooner we are honest about it, the better
for people can improve and work to benefit others
(but that will never be purely altruistic- benefiting others makes you happy-
therefore people give to others for themselves)
there are so many negative connotations to
'attention-seeking' and 'manipulative' when that is what each of us do,
every single day,
destroy these stigmas surrounding the truth-
the truth is, we are selfish,
but that is okay,
because that is who we are,
and that is who we have to be-
I have come to terms with this because I had to
you can never expect people to be more than they are
you must love them for all of them, rather than just the parts that are good or easy
all we have is each other and we cannot ignore that
because you have a choice in this world:
be ignorant of what people are, and hate them
be knowledgable of what people are, and hate them
be ignorant of what people are, and be deluded
or be knowledgable of what people are,
and learn to love them anyway.

i have always liked big words and things with gravity
and not just moments but Moments
maybe that is why I feel the weight of us so perfectly
for I am truly meant for you
and you are truly meant for me

I know I have people who love me,
But sometimes I feel so alone,
But this wonderful thing happened,
I've been dreaming about it for years now, I've wanted it but I was for a while too scared to chase after it, scared it wouldn't amount to my day dreams,
But it's happening,
I get to make it happen,
It wouldn't seem like such a big deal to anyone else,
Just me being ridiculous,
Like always,
But sometimes you just need something good in your life,
To remind you happiness is possible,
When words cannot,
And I've needed that for a while now, and I got it,
I GOT IT,
And no one else can understand how it makes me feel,
But that's just it,
It makes me feel,
I'm happy!
It's been a while, but I'm happy,
Instead of empty,
For however long this lasts, I'm happy!

At school
    This relationship is one to keep secret when you attend a catholic school. Two women (or men) aren't supposed to be together... but we're together. She's made me smile and cry and love like I never have before. People at school started to notice -- they started saying that I was a lesbian. When someone first told me that, I laughed. Laughed. Why were people spreading rumors like that? About me, a nobody? But then I realized that I can't always cover my heart with a sweater bearing the school crest. My heart is open, bleeding and spilling blood down my sleeve. It blends in with the crimson material. People are not blind.

2. Around our friends
     We didn't keep it a secret for long. I told my two best friends because I knew they'd accept me, no matter who I'm with. I was right. They welcomed our relationship with open arms. It was easier to love her then. We could hold hands and gaze at each other openly. With them, it feels like I'm home.

3. Around my family
     My family is tricky. My mom is accepting of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders...  
But I wonder if she's accept me.
     My dad is a homophobe. If you're gay, stay away! The stubborn man wouldn't even touch you with a stick... But what would he think if it were me?
     My brother is ok.
     My sister is... indecisive towards us, After all, I'm in love with her best friend. And I didn't even get to tell her myself.
     Hiding it amongst my family members has become rather difficult. Not being able to hold her hand is a stab to my heart. Not being able to flaunt her everything to them is maddening...
"Leigh, how do you not have a boyfriend?"
"Well um er..."
Do they notice the way I act around her?

4. Around her family
    The most difficult task of all. They're so unaccepting of who she really is, that she hides herself away. It pains me to see the hurt in her eyes when they poke fun at gay people. I've seen it happen. Anger wells up in my chest and fills a cavity long forgotten. I long to scream "Look. Your daughter/sister/aunt/cousin's heart currently belongs to me. Yeah, me. Another girl."
I wonder what they'd say to that.

5. In public
     Today, you never know what a person's views on homosexuals are. They could be completely disgusted or humbly accepting. You just don't know. So I (we) have to be especially careful. Someone could explode on us, saying that two women loving each other is wrong or sinful or damning. I'm afraid of that. She closes up when I don't hold her hand or reciprocate her advances in public... I'm just afraid. Sometimes I'll face my fears and I'll grab her hand. Other times, I'll sneak a kiss. Most of the time, I steal a glance and then cannot tear my eyes from her beauty. Do people see the love we have for each other? Do they understand? Do they accept? Do they believe that all love is beautiful? Probably not... But I'll love her anyway.