He is a human
He would like the best for you
He would do his best in front of you,
or.... rather try to
because he is horrible at everything
including life

He seems to have gained a respect
in a gaming world
but...
He wants to gain respect
in a world that matters
not a world with people
who are in front of their computers!!

But..
either ways
His life is ruined
Everything falls apart in instances
He can't get anything right

He cares so much for others
That sometimes he overlooks his own problems
For the same reason
Of protecting that special someone
But this new century world
Has lost everything and all meaning
Of the word sacrifice
I fear for it
And still feel lonely for not being loved

-(o.o)/-

I am afraid to love anymore
Because my heart is in absolute damnation.
I just see darkness
When in reality there is sunlight outside

Death, destruction and hatred
all around me
surrounding me
forcing me to surrender

But I shall not
Because I yearn to be
The last ray of hope
For those
Who are still out there
Stumbling in darkness
Desperately trying to find
something to hold onto.

Look around.
There is still tiny bits of sunlight
Follow them,
For victory awaits this quest

All alone
Humming tunes to myself
Thinking of how it fell apart
How I lost control of myself
How I got hurt through
Layers of happiness

I guess..
I don't know the answer
Haven't found it yet
Hope to find it soon

I think
It was
















That girl.....

Down the street....

I refuse to hear
everything bad they tell about you
Yes, what they say is bad
It's unethical of them to do so
They don't even know you
They don't talk to you often.
Yet. They dare to speak evil of you
How mean indeed.

I never did like them
and talking like that of someone..

It is no doubt now
No wonder. Anything I do
or the people I like do
It turns evil.
Its just a matter of *time

My theory on time
Is that it's relative
To your surroundings
And you

This may sound weird
But..
If you are spending time
With someone/ something you don't like
Time will pass slowly
On the other hand
If you are someone/ something you like
Time goes by way too fast

Try it out

My heart twisted and turned
Convulsing erratically with acidic love

We all want to be immortal
and want to be remembered
but what people
fail to understand is that
if you do become famous
and if you do become
known around the world
you are hurting this world
and you are scarring it

the only way to be remembered
is unfortunately by scarring the world
and scarring hurts the world
so in the end
people who want to be remembered
are finding it necessary to harm the world
to be remembered and that is not
remembering a dead person
that's remembering their
deeds, which were wrong
and which hurt the world.

I see you go by everyday
I come close enough for a hug
but refuse to take it
thinking
It won't be good..

I remember the time
when we gave the other a hug
I would have kissed you away
but stopped myself
thinking
Don't even try.

I remember the times
I decided to not do anything
about it
and then it hurt me more
and no matter what I think
I can't bring myself to a conclusion.

They make me unfaithful
My eyes make me see hatred
My ears make me hear bad news
I feel pain, emotional and physical

In short.. I want someone to talk to..

The box,
It contains mysteries
Greater than anything
It contains powers unknown
Powers unheard of

*Can you control it?

Why and How...
Am I even in these "advanced" classes
I don't understand
I know I am not up to it
but..
HOW am I still in those "honors" classes

Was it a good idea?

I shall step away
from your life
and the life of others
and from the life of
those
who find me stupid
and crazy

in short.
the life of everyone..
Because i am not accepted in anything..
I dont know what to be doing
I am at a loss
for whatever I do correctly
because its always wrong

I overlooked so many people
For you
Yet
The answer was a no

I think
You don know
What I overcame
So it'll be a mystery
For you

Why everyone wants you
Obviously it's your choice in the end
But it doesn't hurt
To steal tiny glimpses

So I proposed
To myself
Lets go back
And apologize
To a few people
Who are kind of hurt
...

Well
I know what I'll do
In the next few weeks.

Its a lie.
It wasn't meant for me
I thought it was
It wasn't though
and it wont be
I cant be a center of life
for anyone...
Not even myself.
Center of life..
ha!
Not even close to the center for that matter.

Silent Rain
falling from the skies
Talking, chatting with thou
and listening to crickets
chirp like my watch
Everything serene
Everything dark
You wanting to be free
So does the nature
Be free like a wind
Be a silent wind
Be a silent rain
Be yourself for the night
Let dance to the rhythm
Lets groove
Lets enjoy the night
and rise and shine
for the days ahead
where we can be perpetual
images carved into Earth
Wind and Fire

Lets listen to the dark night
and take our safety torch with us  
sit outside and sleep under the starry skies
Enjoy the night
Enjoy the time
Enjoy the company

I have been so patient
For so long
I dont understand

How was i this patient?
What and how
Just how exactly?

Guess, i have to be patient
Longer...

I want to be alive and not be indifferent to love, but c'est la vie.
I want to love a wonderful person but they do not want me around them but c'est la vie.
I want to be an amazing person who is really nice and fun to be around, but my negativity brings everything down and c'est la vie.
I don't like myself for that but c'est la vie.

But I still hope to make it through
just for 4 more days
until the end of the year
so I could run
and try to forget my emotions for a brief moment

I saw you today!
Though I couldn't talk
I saw you
Standing in the sun
Talking to your peeps and
Getting yourself tanned again!
I saw your hair
Go up in flames
Due to the reflection of the sun
You looked beautiful again

Then I saw you leave..
I kept looking over my shoulder
To see if you would return
But I guess not..
This will still be another unfinished fairy tale..

Don't lie down
Not right now
Not in the snow
Because it will eat
You

It will make you dream
And show you possibilities
Of
Death

But we still have ways to go,
So get up..

I think i have realized
That everything is out to get you
And it stings badly
But movement is the way of life
And considering every one of us as stars
Of our own little shows is the most important aspect
Of understanding the way of life

Sometimes movement
Sometimes support
Sometimes being a support

i should just stop at this point
                                          m        y         

                 p            o              e        t         r             y

                                i                     s                  

               f     a       l        l         i         n          g


                                              a
p             ­                                                          a
                   r                             t

I shall stop it
because its more depressing
and i would rather not talk more
and depress more people about it.

I found out today
That I carry around chainmail
Similar to the Knights during The Middle Ages
But its more unreal
It protects me
And tells me not to spill my emotions
Similar to protecting the knight

It holds everything throughout the day
And at night
Everything within me crumbles.
I take off this "chainmail"
And i go into those dark alleys of my mind
Some with no escape
I try escaping with my plentiful books
They sometimes work

Other times its hell upon myself
My friends, and i regret it every time
But its a cycle I fail to stop
Unlike my real bike which failed me yesterday

This chainmail, its good and all
But I wish I didnt have to remove it
I dont want to make my friends suffer
But they still do.
I learnt to bottle it up…
Like thats going to help.

Just, need kevlar or something

…
About you and death
about love and indifference
about life
about the world
about myself
about everything


it doesn't feel good..

I am a horrible man
I have created sins
While you were standing there
Making love with him

I am not respected
Not in the hearts of my people
Nor in the hearts of the enemy
I am a wandering soul

I fear the darkness
So I joined forces with you
I hoped to succeed the darkness
But you left me

I hoped to see someone like you
I hoped to make a proper friendship with them
But you had made life miserable
Why?! You had left your love behind

That love made me blind
It made me cry,
Made me wonder why...
The world was cruel

But you enjoyed it
Enjoyed seeing me suffer
For that was your food.
The Suffering of others was your food.

You owe me an apology,
For trying to do things...
Things that are considered "uncivilized"

Why? PERVERSENESS
We were doing those "unwanted" things...
You were encouraging them.

But then you had that idea..
To leave me behind..
Again

I am still waiting for you,
Waiting for you to come back
So you can deliver the apology
And we can be best friends again.

When I join something
Or get motivated to do something
You are there

To tell me that I am bad at this
Bad at that

You don't control me, SIR.
No one ever does,
No one ever did.....

Not until I started falling..
Falling into an infinite abyss
Of darkness and loneliness

It was horrible
It still is.
Because i am still falling
and failing to grab to anything.
I keep falling..
Having thoughts to end it for myself
But can I do it??
Whilst in an abyss??
*Can I?

I feel like running,
till my heart is going to die,
till my lungs ache, muscles burn, adrenaline still racing,
I want to run from this place to nowhere in particular
Just somewhere else