Alright no one here leaves
Until I get back my monkey
He was right here beside me
When we sat down at the bar

He got up to use the restroom
Cause my monkey is not uncouth
I KNOW he didn't just drive off
I still have the keys to the car

We were having the best of times
Telling jokes and making up zoological rhymes
He even passed around that picture
You know the one with the orangutan in that embarrassing position

That's the last time I saw him
My monkey...my best friend
Will somebody help me look please
These tears have all but blurred my vision

I've now checked every zoo on the East coast
Every circus that I know
Thinking perhaps he was monkeynapped
By some clown or zoological freak

I haven't seen hide nor hair
Of a clean shaven monkey in underwear
I told you he wasn't uncouth
My monkey learned that from me

These days I cry in my beer
Since my monkey's no longer here
I guess Doodles had better things
To do with his life

If my monkey, Doodles you ever do see
Will you tell him I miss him oodles for me
And that I've accepted the fact that he's not coming back
And that I'll be alright...

soon I shall be horizontal
as my bed beckons me

I keep remembering the day I told you
About what happened to me.
I caught you before you left to go workout
After class and I smiled at you.
You smiled back, asked me, "What's up?"
And cocked your head to the side to
Send me back that boyish smile of
Yours my way.

I stepped closer (into the vicinity of your enticing cologne)
And I said, "I have an issue."
You looked into my eyes deeply and stepped closer,
Not knowing that you might need the extra room
Between us for later. Your voice dropped from
A carefree tone to a profound tone in which
You only knew to take because of what you
felt in the air between us.

You asked, "Is it boy issues?" And you looked at me
So intensely that I knew I just couldn't bear to
Say it anymore.

I tried to laugh it off, I backed up a bit and
I started for the door. I said back, "Yeah,
It's something like that." And I said goodbye.
I could hear it in your voice as you
Told me 'goodbye' that you
Wanted to listen, but you just
Weren't so sure of
How to say
It.

My eyelids flutter
As he says "Are you utter?"