Ileana Amara

Ileana Amara May 2020

open wounds tear through my flesh,
dead weight fills up my heart's pericardium,
darkness of sorrow slowly consumes my soul,
a habit of relentless grieving of the unforgotten.

there's a tombstone in my head,
in a graveyard of old memories and undead people,
not quite fancy, but once in a while
I sit beside it with a mug of coffee and anxiety.

I talk to it as if it were alive,
sometimes as if I hope it would talk back
and take off the dead weight and misery in my heart,
I grieve for the gone yet undead people whom I deeply loved.

sometimes I would bring some kerosene and match,
hoping to scorch down the place to ease all the pain,
but I am human; I exist, I love, I feel, and I remember
I may grieve of the unforgotten today, but I will live.

IA

#grieved #unforgotten

Ileana Amara May 2020

preen the smithereens

the night is dark and cold,
only the neon moon exists up above,
it was heavy, a goodbye was told
my heart cracks up and bleeds with love
I pray to heavens for these smithereens,
I am young and I don't long for what could have been's,
I may hit rock bottom but I will preen
these smithereens of an old soul,
so that when the right man who is unforeseen,
arrives to hold my preened heart made whole.

IA

For BLT's word of the day challenge: Preen.
A brief message to people who have gone through the tough times and ended up breaking their own hearts, don't lose hope, love is a really tough, complicated yet paradoxically simple thing in life.

#preen #smithereens #bltchallenge

Ileana Amara May 2020

drag race of soul

this is a poem of treasured nostalgia;
when Fate wrote what we were supposed to be,
there was rain pouring down hard
two young souls slow dancing in the dark,
his eyes was a mesmerizing art,
his arms were my home, his hand was my guide,
gently tugging me along with my heart
held upon by his other hand,
I held on tightly, enthralled
and yet I breathe exhausted.
I could only last for so long until I ask for my heart back,
all the love for myself drains, running my soul into a drag race
"Where are we heading?" I asked, we're all heading to finish line
"What then if we do?" I asked, and I answered before he could,
we both loved, both break, both hurt, and both end by then,
the scenery blurs,
the time slows down
my breathing begins to even,
our hands so tightly clasped loosened,
I took my heart with grief, anxiety, and fear
even before I could know what the finish line could be.

IA

#drag #race #soul

May 2020

Rumi

The Beauty of the Heart

The beauty of the heart

is the lasting beauty:

its lips give to drink

of the water of life.

Truly it is the water,

that which pours,

and the one who drinks.

All three become one when

your talisman is shattered.

That oneness you can't know

by reasoning.

May 2020

Rumi

I Am and I Am Not

I’m drenched
in the flood
which has yet to come

I’m *******
in the prison
which has yet to exist

Not having played
the game of chess
I’m already the checkmate

Not having tasted
a single cup of your wine
I’m already drunk

Not having entered
the battlefield

I’m already wounded and slain

I no longer
know the difference
between image and reality

Like the shadow
I am

And

I am not

Ileana Amara May 2020

your playlist

I remember on a night out,
the butterflies and a genuine smile,
every song to another brushes off my doubts,
unconsciously engraving into my soul;
the beat, the words, the melody,
my fragile heart seems to understand the language of music.

a playlist of beginning and throughout,
will always hurt more than
a playlist played on the ending,
because to remember the good times and weep is a sweet misery.

IA

#your #playlist