Moving on is like growing up.
You never really remember going through the process.
It just comes as a realization.

It's the cool autumn breeze that smells of earth and new beginnings.
It's that one country song that makes me feel nostalgic.
It's the ominous clouds and heavy air before a thunderstorm.
It's that moment of bittersweet emotion after reading the last word of a really good book.
It's watching the sun slant in through my bedroom window and create a mural on my wall.
It's rolling my windows down as we near the shore, and breathing in the salty air.
It's hearing my mom's contagious belly laugh.
It's that tired-happy feeling after a productive day.
It's when the Ferris wheel pauses and I'm at the very top, admiring the lighted world below.
It's the lump in my throat and tears in my eyes during a heartfelt prayer.
It's my niece wrapping her chubby little arms around my neck and putting her head on my shoulder.
It's laughing uncontrollably with my best friend at the grocery store, and not caring what people are thinking.
It's lying on the trampoline and watching the stars on a summer night.
It's the adrenaline running through my veins after a run.
It's listening to the sound of rain pounding on my window as I'm tucked under the covers.

It's the little things that impact me in the biggest way.

The train has departed.
I’m in an unfamiliar town.
Unfamiliar faces all around me
I want to belong here
But there is no comfort.
I’m roaming with no destination.
Underneath the facade
I am screaming,
Searching for familiarity.
I keep searching and panic sets in.
I can’t find it.
I don’t feel it.
There must be a reason why I’m still here,
Why I’ve been left behind.
I’m lost and afraid and
Nobody will help me
But they’re watching
Waiting.
I don’t belong here.
I want to run, but
My feet are chained down.
So I sit down
And I wait
As if it was my choice.

My family is not too small
Just one short of a dozen.
Ten of us under one roof
And not one of them’s a cousin.

We drive in a 12-seater van
Sometimes even long distance.
But we’re not going anywhere
Until mom takes attendance.

My siblings greet me after work
With “Can I have a dollar?”
Oh look, my missing leather belt
Is now the cat’s new collar.

Our chickens provide our breakfast
Collected straight from the coop.
I hate to admit this but, last year
One of them cooked in our soup.

Our cat is great at catching mice,
He’ll even eat a few.
Unfortunately that is why
We’re down a parrot too.

We’re out of milk, there’s no clean socks,
Did someone feed the chickens?
Please don’t tell me it’s my turn
AGAIN to clean the kitchen.

Every day is an adventure
Some days more than one.
But let me tell you one thing:
We’re always having fun.

I'm feeling kind of lonely
but please
leave me alone.
I want to open up my heart
but please
don't ask what's wrong.

I'm longing to be rescued
but please
just let me drown.
I've built these walls
to keep you out
but please

just tear them down.

I am fire in a lake
I am ice in the sun
I am everything
And nothing
All at once.
I am nothing more than
A girl in the crowd
Nothing more than
A bag of skin,
Blood
And bones
Beneath the clouds.
I live several versions of myself
I am a friend
A sister
A daughter
I am me.