felt like a high school daydream
you pointed out constellations,
but the wind hurt my face and I just wanted to wrap myself in you
On the swings, I asked you to push me
claiming I wanted help building momentum
but it was an excuse to be touched by you
I am shameless
I am sad
my mind is beautiful and soft and hopes that you feel as anxious and dizzy around me as I do around you.
how long until I find another that will crack me right open?
I vibrate at a different frequency
It lingers for hours after
I’m dizzy with want
of not being anything more
of you making me full body laugh
of me suppressing all the things I want to say
of me fighting what my body wants to do
I cannot understand why two halves make a whole. Yet, you and I don’t.
I cannot understand my cat wants kisses immediately after breaking my skin.
I cannot understand why I’m here and not falling down a hill.
I cannot understand why I have all the ingredients to make happiness yet it evades me.
but I remind myself
You’re not mine
What’s really slipping away
Is the possibility of us
that I love you?
I know it’s not practical or fair.
That our love could never break the surface.
That it’s roots be doomed to grow underground.