I want to be captivating
I want to be bright
I want to make you laugh
I want to bring tears to your eyes
I want to have something to offer
That doesn’t fade with time
it’s not flashy and loud
it comes in like thunder
but when it arrives
it can’t be ignored
do you think of me?
in your wet dreams while you sleep?
you appear in mine.
What was the last thing I said to you before we went back to being strangers?
falling for you
is like wishing for rain on a sunny day
you live there now
taken up real estate
built a home there
to find what you weren’t even looking for.
I wonder if it’s rare, what we have.
no missed beats.
just a mutual agreement to leave things unsaid.
I can tell from personal experience
that type of love isn’t sustainable.
you can’t get lost in someone that deeply and still keep yourself.
how long until I find another that will crack me right open?
we look at each other like we are just about to kiss.
we look at each other like we see ourselves.
I want to wrap myself up in you
Get lost in your body and have you get lost in mine.
“things that exist or are used or enjoyed for only a short time”
or in other words,
nothing is permanent.
on the bright side,
nothing is permanent
I give, give, give
Nothing gives back
it is tiring
fighting the urge to grab your hand
seeing the curve of your sweet mouth and not being able to meet it with mine
in the cold light of day
I looked for my socks and clothes
removed quickly amidst the passion
I shouldn’t have come
But I did.
i feel like i know you and we've only just met.
i want to dive in deeper,
i want to let you see the dark and sad places in me.
to let you see the bright and shiny places too.
my mouth, lucky to repeat it.
I could be yours
you could be mine
sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to lie with another.
would I smell different?
would I breathe different?
would I sound different?
would I taste different?
would I feel different?
I only sometimes wonder though.
it's difficult to complain to you about anything
i didn't have to leave my country behind
i don't know what it's like to be hungry
i didn't start in a new country, where i didn't speak the language, all by myself at 14
but i know i also struggle
that my pain is real too
i wish we could share our pain and grow together in it
but i can't talk about it
to most people, never mind you
maybe i'm scared that my problems aren't big enough
or maybe i'm scared that saying them out loud confirms what i already know
that i'm broken
it’s becoming overwhelmingly clear that it’s all in my head
I’ve always had an active imagination and often dream of feelings that do not exist
I can’t stop the words from leaving my lips
but at the same time I can’t find the right words to say.
I want you.
To whisper my name.
To run your fingers through my hair.
To kiss the nape of my neck.
To lick me off your lips.
To allow me to live in your thoughts forever.
this thing between us reminds me of silence
once something is said, it’ll no longer exist
I don’t need sweet nothings whispered to me.
Or grand gestures and gifts.
I just need to hear three little words.
If you catch my drift.
an ocean exists between us
vast, deep and full of life
dangerous, thrilling and beautiful
am I willing to risk it all to cross it?
I’m the sun that brings warmth
That makes you feel alive
But I feel nothing from that
I want to be a black hole
Than strangers that were once lovers.
You have me off-kilter
I can’t wait to see you
I long to be alone with you
I know I’m playing with fire
I want to burn
you set something in me on fire
is it ***?
is it my soul?
is it my heart?
unsure, but I like it.
don’t respond too soon
don’t dig deeper
don’t let yourself feel anything more
this is different
it is special
it is complicated
it’s not all in my head
Thinking someday I will cease to exist
A part of me wants to live forever
In the cloud
In your synapses
In your arms
I want to get lost in something.
Forget where I am, forget how I’m supposed to be.
I want to get knocked over by waves.
I want to be drenched in the rain.
I want to feel it all but nothing at all.
I want to be insignificant.
from feeling so much it felt like I’d burst
to feeling almost nothing at all
You told me that you wish that you felt something for anything or anyone.
I wish you’d feel everything for me.
It has been building up
I knew it would have to come out eventually
But I said too much and I see that now.
that feel when you are married and you tell you husband you have a crush on your friend and then you tell your crush that you told your husband that you have a crush on them and you just want to disappear forever now cause everything is ruined.
it feels like I’m stuck in fast forward
like I can’t breathe
like everything is brighter
I can’t focus
I can’t imagine a time I don’t feel this way
I don’t feel like me
it hurts me to see you in pain
i want to comfort you
softly and inappropriately
I see two hummingbirds
Sweetly dancing together in the air
I wonder if they know what sadness is
That their joy is temporary
You’re always telling me life is sadness
the world is hard
we are bound to suffer.
I’d like to hold and kiss you
Make it slightly better
Prove you wrong.
I wonder if you are watching me as intently as I’m watching you.
Your hands fidgeting.
I fight not to stop them
We can hardly match eyes,
worried that it might stir too much.
Worried that we might ruin what we have with something more.
deleted implies that my words to you still exist somewhere.
found hidden between the white lies and rough drafts.
but to say that I’m erased from your thoughts,
that means persistent friction was applied to remove me.
that my feelings for you are gone.
in those moments before you close your eyes and drift to sleep?
when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal?
when you wash behind your knees in the shower?
when you button your shirt up to the collar?
when you quietly come?
I hope you do.
I’m just aware it won’t happen now
that I love you?
I know it’s not practical or fair.
That our love could never break the surface.
That it’s roots be doomed to grow underground.
Let you hold me too
Place my hand on your cheek
Look into your eyes
Kiss you softly
And then stop there.
but I remind myself
You’re not mine
What’s really slipping away
Is the possibility of us
I see the world with such admiration and wonder. Imagine if I could save just a fraction of that love for myself?