Friendzone
Teenage Purgatory
Like a mirage of an oasis
In a sweltering desert
When they're happy
It brightens the world
When they're sad
Your world erodes
When you look at them
You see utter brilliance
Magnificence
Perfectness
But when they see you
They only see one thing:
Friend

My mind is a boiling sea.
It scratches me,
Tells me that I'm nothing.
How I feel isn't always how I say.
I keep a smile to hide the hurt.
To scare off people from knowing the real me.
The decayed me.
The me that hates me.
The me that destroyed me.

He comes to me, shrouded in darkness, in the dead of night.
Blue eyes, glowing, waiting
For his prey, I, lay dormant.
He pounces,
Lycan teeth gnashing, tearing at my heart.
I feel a sense of belonging, and at the same time...ruin.
A monster I've come to love.
I wake...
Alone, with no wolf...no love.
I remain at his mercy, and yet he isn't even there.

Thine leaves art wilted, flying to and fro,
And thy limbs reach out as if in sorrow.
"Dost thou not remember what once was held?”
Thy branches crack whilst leaves into dance meld.
The moon doth rise as children’s laughter rings.
Through the night thy old hollow solemnly sings
Of twisted grins and melancholy wolf cries,
And how every man thee meet sadly dies.
But thy eternal heartbreak shall not wane
Thy every breath will be met with pure pain;
Death shall not return thee to its icy grip.
Forevermore, thou shalt bring people to Death.
Until the rope that hangs on thine branch cease,
Cursed to be known only as The Hanging Tree.

I stared at your picture.
Your eyes pierced me,
Like knives of ice,
And I die a little more.
They catch in my throat
And it hurts so much,
All the emotions feel
Like swallowing razors.
I feel the warm trickle,
Taste the bitter iron of regret.
And I die a little more.

Dear Mr. Poet Man,
How do you do that?
You make the most of everything
Even when there is nothing.
It confounds me so to see,
Mr. Poet Man,
The things my heart says to me in utmost secrecy
Written in your words.
How, Mr. Poet Man, do you constantly see
Beauty in all things, Even Death?
I need to know Mr. Poet Man,
How does one die beautifully?
Would I be beautiful to you then?

So what if you have a big belly?
So what if you have a pretty face?
So what if you wear a little makeup,
Or if you have a tiny waist?

So what if you don't have ***,
Or if you keep 'em coming back for more?
So what if you got that operation
And renamed yourself Titti Galore?

So what if your complexion is darker,
Or if your skin is pale and white?
So what if your name is Muhammad?
Or Sharkeisha, Wu, or Dwight?

So what if they say that you're different?
Normality is subjective.
And if they want to attack you,
Curse words make very fine adjectives.

All my life I've been shackled.
Sometimes to pain. Sometimes to life.
Sometimes to both of them, teeth snarling
In mutated state. Freak, I've been called, Monster.
A tear would escape my aggrieved eye, calling out "Help!"
No one would save me.
No one got off the cross.
So yeah, I've been shackled.
But I have escaped.

One minute
I find comfort in solitude,
solace in silence,
and the next.
I need someone
To laugh with,
cry with,
love.
And be loved in return.

I called you...
But you didn't pick up
I sent signals...
But you didn't pick up
I loved you...
But you didn't pick up
You broke me...
But I picked myself up

Love is an impenetrable fortress.
Much unlike my heart,
Which shakes and falls into shambles
With little to no effort.
I take my heart-string sword in hand
And slice at Love's strong walls.
Every chop an ineffective gamble,
Causing damage only to me.
Battle scarred and worn, I rest tonight.
Only to repeat The Quest tomorrow

I love you, don't you ever forget that
But I can't go in this cycle forever
I have to let go of the pain, the hurt
Erase you from my heart.
I can ease into it, only to slip and fall into the pattern
Or let you go forever, end it cold turkey

Your tired little smiles
and laughs that live a half-life
before blossoming into sighs.
Your spontaneous songs,
sourly smacking notes
from your brain.
Your insane babblings
that whisper sweetly to me.
Your goose-like honk,
signaling the fast approach
of sleep.
Your utterly annoying
playful shrugs.
That's the **** I'll miss...

You and I...
We connected.
To feel like this about
someone I just met,
It's absurd.
Unheard of, no,
But strange nonetheless.
It's like staring at a star
And claiming it's yours.
I've been through hell,
Seen a great many things,
But none so mesmerizing as you.
You're a crystal chandelier
In a dimly lit room.
I am your night sky.
You are my star.

Nothing works out right.
It all ends in dust,
Blown away into the night.
What I longed to feel
In love's true sight,
Had waltzed away from me
And fell to lust's bite.
I felt like giving up,
Descend to dark delight,
But was given false hope,
A treacherous new light.
A silent stir of emotion.
A double-edged knight,
Had swept me off my feet,
Led me to a new height.
Hark, said he, softly will I hold
Some other lovely sprite.
And with that he left me
To ponder on my plight.
Now I am alone
Ashamed of my blight.
Why'd I open up
To one with such sleight?

I drink in your lies with a desperate smile.
They taste like false hope with a hint of denial.
Though you lured me in like so many before,
I should've grabbed a menu as I sauntered through the door.
I took a seat at the nearest table, and ordered the special.
My waiter, however, brought me nothing more than the usual.
Guess he won't be getting a tip...

It's dark outside...
Inside it's worse.
Being without you is rough.
Knowing it's my fault is worse.
Losing all hope in myself
Over things I can't change.
That's bad.
Imagining living one more day
Feeling like I do now...
****...
That's the worst.

I try to do everything correctly.
I smile, laugh, use correct grammar,
But nothing seems to work.
Is there a dent?
A crack in my facade?
I look happy, right?
Then what?
My personality?
My intelligence?
I look happy, right?
Do you love me?
Do I love me?
What's wrong with me?

A friend whose light far exceeds any other.
Two whose world is illuminated by that light.
What would it take to light my darkness?
What cost?
He grasps Light's hand and pulls in for an embrace.
I watch, happily hurt.
A smile simply stinging my face.
Their kiss pushes the knife deeper into my chest.
You deserve to be happy, even if I'm consigned to this fate.

Sweaty palms,
Worried eyes,
Biting my lip
To keep inside
The burning pain
Left behind
Your memory
I've tried to hide
Sang a song
Of our demise
An elegy
In disguise
I miss you
But I'll deny
You won't win
Our end is nye

Do you remember when you were young?
You more than likely had a favorite toy, right?
Inseparable, you two were?
You may or may not have had other toys too.
Maybe you liked some of those a lot too?
Even to the point of dropping your old favorite for a new one?
Well, that original favorite toy broke when you dropped it.
It has a permanent crack, forever marking your territory.
You may not have intended to do that, but it happened.
There isn't any way to fix that.
But the least you could do is explain why to me.

I see you there in all your beauty.
I wonder if you even know I exist.
You're smile brings happiness to my heart.
Light to my eyes.
I indulge the fantasy that you'll see me in a different way.
You'll know how much I care and mimic that.
It's challenging to turn an unrequited love to a love undeterred.
If you'd give me one chance, I would prove...
That the greatest thing you'll ever learn,
is just to love and be loved in return.

Here's to the bittersweet messages
And tear-stained eyes.
Here's to the town...and new "College Guys"
Here's to the moments that I can't replace.
Here's to the liar with a beautiful face.
Here's to the broken heart, God knows he needs it.
Here's to the fact you didn't give a sh*t.

3:00 A.M.
Smoke escapes my lips as I ponder existence.
Death.
Darkness.
Depression.
All just words that burn like this bowl.
And at the end
We all end up in smoke.

I hate those silly noises you made.
I hate that your mother passed.
I hate the way your face still permeates my dreams.
I hate that stupid side-*****.
I hate that we were best friends.
I hate every time we talked.
I hate that I fell for you.
I hate that we became a couple.
I hate every lie you told me.
But most importantly
I hate me
For not being able to hate you

Wow...you must be some new kind of stupid
The way you treat people is ridiculous
I could've loved him so much better
Your lies,
Tangling him
In a web of suffering
It's selfish and rude
You treated him like an option
He left you like a choice
Now I'll love him like a promise
And you'll be left to think on your decision...
Cheating is bad...
Mkay

From the start I have loved you.
Running from the feelings,
All emotions blending into one,
Never-ending thoughts of "will we be together?"
Can I escape these thoughts.
I have tried and failed many times.
Seeing you, holding you makes it harder
Can't shake the urge to ask, "Give me a chance?"
Only I already know the answer, "No."

I have been there through every love,
every flame-cast relationship.
I have seen your pain
and healed your wounds.
I have mended your heart
and cured your love-scorned soul.
Then you leave, my duty complete,
to find a love...and do it all again.

I love you
More than you know.
I believe that
You and I
Have chemistry!
Maybe we could
Start a new
Relationship...
Oh, I see...
I'm glad for
Our friendship...

Ha,
I was told we would be a good couple.
Weird, isn't it?
I couldn't see it happening,
But maybe you could...
It would be kinda alien to be cared about.
Especially by you.
If you want, though...
I could keep an open mind.

I don't know if this makes sense
But my garden grows inward.
It takes the rain of negativity
And wraps itself around sensitivities.
Trauma grows like roots around my heart
And drains the calcium from my bones.
Blooming into ingrown flowers
Dark with the fresh blood of regret.
My fruits rot inside the ground
Fertilizing the soil for a new inverted crop.
My memories spread into Ivy
Growing inward choking my circulation.
My body absorbs Toxins like Water
Feeding the weeds in my head
Which grow inside and knot themselves
Into Tumors of Longing.
I don't know if this makes sense
But my garden grows inward.