and i am 0912 minutes of wasted breath and second guesses
longing over the lost 0814 days i searched for in other months.
i think of the 0601 seconds i were happy in—
replacing them with 0722 heartbeats trying to scrub the coldness off my fingertips.
0126 lifetimes pass and now i am warm again but unhappy.
reality left me for numbers and birthdays
and now i am alone with my thoughts

(I see you in
      the    pupils      of my lover—
all you ever wore was black)

I wonder if    you hurt
to see     me

with             any other   but   you.

It's only when you have the best that you realize you don't want the best, you never really did—you want to struggle to pay the rent, you want to fall asleep angry, because screaming is mean and mean gives you meaning.

paining, pining
i am refusing to branch
onto your spokes i am vining
touch me soft—***** your hand

Sitting, I
see a spider married to air. I
wonder what it'd be like—
creating something only I
can see. And then I
realize. I
already know.

Sleep around like clouds
I cloud your mind
and
your mind is broken

***** will ruin your life
so be careful when you go to sleep
because we're sleeping together

Where does love go after it dies
Will I find it in Heaven
With you and your lies?

Will I fall for it again
In a tumble down spiral
Watch as our souls run out and go viral

And look, once more
As it falls.

And will I see it again
In the place
Where love goes
After it dies
In Heaven.

"Old habits die hard"
were the words you whispered as you kissed another cigarette and
I agreed with you
"that's why you're still in this room with me."

i wanted to kiss you 14 minutes ago

If you love something,

let it go.


If you are hurt by something,

let is go as well.




Does this mean that everything I love is supposed to hurt me?

I can never heal if all you want me to be is a bleeding heart.

i want—
i want to talk to the wrong crowd

(i like it when it's cloudy and the water surface reflects blue and grey)*


http:// i left my car keys on your table made of cigarettes
looked out the ***** bottle window and knew—
there's just something so ******* beautiful about destruction.

me from a year ago looks at me from a minute ago
with her stupid
*******
hormones
and her stupid
*******
youth.

benjamin button is real but only in the form of knowledge

Fight me on the curb—
I'll hit you
right across
your sanity:
just like the way
your boyfriend never
mentioned me

People walk by in the airport.

People walk.
I wait.

People wait.
I walk.

dramatic sighs and erratic thighs
I picked up the phone and heard only static
you were heavens fanatic and you tried to reach it getting high

waiting for the rapture you become ecstatic
*"if
I'm an addict,
you're an addict."

I wished you the world, but the world was already held in your eyes.

you licked your lips and they were
salty

Temptation follows us all
As we spin on this axis
Waiting for tilt
To turn us downward.
How does the world continue to spin
Under all this weight?

You called me "loose"
and in a way you were right.
I can feel my screws falling out
one by one.
The thread of my seams
getting tangled as they spread apart—
like legs on graduation night.

if i could
i'd spend the world
with you.
i would
if you wanted
to—
but they say
that's a pretty **** big
part of my plan—
your yes or
your no—
and i haven't yet
figured it all
out yet
if you
say
no

I could not make
it through the day.

I gave up at noon—
came home.
Lay in bed for twelve hours straight,
wondering,

Why am I not happy?

I tried to solve my problems
But then I realized...
I don't have any.

If I am sad with no means to be
Is that not a problem?

but given the change in time
and the frequency of which
you came back into my life
so often
doesn't change the fact that
it ******* hertz

It doesn't matter
what you tell me
and what I tell you.

You could be mine
and I could be yours
but twenty three days of silence
could write a lot more love letters
than us.

The cancer girl who wrote about the boy who wanted to throw his life away.

On rainy days
I clear my face
And enter in
The cold embrace
Of a false name,
And faux life too,
That sit atop
in Ocean's view.

I flew through one.

Clouds hang in suspension in the sky.
Special effects may or may not be used.

She is England, she is.
Long, commanding-of-colonies legs, with
Eyes of volatile fire.

Spits records of the past
—we repeat—
To the face of confusion.

i didn't want to watch the opportunities turn onto the highway
i wanted to experience the world running down the I90


you were in the way of all my couldhavebeens,
but looking back i think you're the only thing that shouldhavebeen

maybe the grass is just greener on the other side of the city
maybe i'm just lonely.

First comes love, then


              she does

was that really me?

i almost regret not introducing you to my friends
memories fall so separate
i squint to see overlap

so many minutes of my life in your apartment
i must not have lived them
if i cannot again relive them

was it really me on spotted counter top
was it really me against white brick
touch my palm to induction stove
hoping to burn but only touching magnetism

i almost regret letting it into my head

"if it fixes all of your problems
it will become your biggest one"*

you looked to your right
and then you left

I still smell like you
And your Irish springs body wash
At 5:03
On a Sunday morning

My body once was black
with ash and sadness

And I plead
I beg
and now I confine you
To a tattoo.

Shedding slowly off my sin.

close my eyes.


today, the thesaurus revealed
himself to me as
my enemy. i
do not want any words
to describe this. keep a
perfect sonnet of all
feelings felt until now.
keep everything
under the radical
complex. prescribe me a
boundary condition.


open my eyes.

-
I wonder if wise men ever existed in the first place
because they certainly didn't in
the last place,
last night
.

our transaction history:
pleasure between keyboard strokes,
stolen moments, momentary wave.


the absence of heat and the heat of absence:
hand between thighs, love between sheets,
every day is the first day of my life.

life is cycles and so is death
addiction is the quickest form of slow suicide.
you never quit—
you only take breaks
and i will always come back home

We are
Done and gone.

Two that are
One apart.
Two that do
Not rhyme.

I am done.
You are gone.

You don't sleep well, but I rest forever—
however , I'd trade sleep to never lose sight—
Oh, just to see your face
for every second of the night.

Oh Demon,
Please,

Loosen the hands on my throat.


Oh Lover,
Please,

I sometimes like to breathe,
I do.
I do.

Proximity does not lead to permissivity
Another day goes by right next to you
Another day we forget to speak

i open doors—and walk through walls,
open thoughts—and forget them all.

talk to a bottle—kiss midnight

i do not think i feel alright

How do I let you back into my life

When you slammed
the door
in my face
and only opened it
when you got lonely.
Saw me dead on
the doorstep.


How do I let you back into my life

When the title
of this poem
is the title of the song
that I spent years
wasting time
on loving you
like you never
spent
on me.

And I let you in
And I let you in, again.