I was late to my last doctors appointment—
too busy watching the waves come in
and out—and in—and out—
of my vision.
The leaves have fallen and I have only just turned red

There is a God—
and we both fell in love
with Him—and He
loved us both back.
The only difference between us
is that He made me
immortal.

the last thing i said to you was that i loved you

lost in translation from english to english

i said one thing, and then

you said no more

for a year all i knew was
cut knuckles against torn cheeks
your blood in my blood
*you told me we
were becoming
one

once red, once blue,
once faded through to you and then white.

and now

i'm black—
only black.
and even i
can't see
through
these
shadows.

I have always had demons in my dreams
but I never knew I would see them out of sleep

I have always had demons under my eyelids
but I never knew I would feel them between my ribs

I have always had demons under my skin
but I never knew I would try to befriend them

bite my nails and blow my nose
forget my name while forgetting yours
all for you
oh, all for you.

paining, pining
i am refusing to branch
onto your spokes i am vining
touch me soft—***** your hand

days will come where i forget your face
and all the words that we have made
and i will wait
for them
to fade you
away

Fight me on the curb—
I'll hit you
right across
your sanity:
just like the way
your boyfriend never
mentioned me

We didn't meet in the summer or the winter—
but I took off your clothes in the fall
and you first kissed me in the spring,
under a tree while we were smoking.


My heart doesn't beat anymore,
but if it did
it would for you.

we are both blind and sometimes we forget that
there is nothing written between the lines

"if it fixes all of your problems
it will become your biggest one"*

you looked to your right
and then you left

stuck between polarities
between loving whenever you are gone
and
loving wherever you have gone

And if you find me
(fingers red)
holding onto the side of your
no-vacancy boat—

please, step
on my fingers because
the pain of that is less than the
hope of hanging on.

I've always loved to
float
alone.

but really i was always too afraid to say
"be my tonight and you'll be my tomorrow"
and i don't know how long forever is but
we can find out,
right?

On the last time I sat on your bed.

He was the eye of a storm within my mind. Calamity. Calm. Calamity. Short sentences with long ideals. He taught me that the people I forget about most easily are the people that just might be the most important.  I guess I really am sorry that I made you cry, maybe.

close my eyes.


today, the thesaurus revealed
himself to me as
my enemy. i
do not want any words
to describe this. keep a
perfect sonnet of all
feelings felt until now.
keep everything
under the radical
complex. prescribe me a
boundary condition.


open my eyes.

"Even after starving myself of love,
I am still wondering
If the hunger ever goes away.
I do not know which is more romantic—
if it does,
or if it does not."

I haven't held a secret in so long, but oh God, I can feel their ghosts on my shoulders still. I locked a man in my closet and the flesh fell off to show a skeleton. He did not open the door. I wish it could have been different. I went back years later and found bone-shaped holes in the floorboards. Oh God, I never knew what those taps in the walls were. When my lover is not listening I tap back.

'Cause my skin writes just a little more raw than
rough fingertips.

our transaction history:
pleasure between keyboard strokes,
stolen moments, momentary wave.


the absence of heat and the heat of absence:
hand between thighs, love between sheets,
every day is the first day of my life.

not i, i am not prolific, of late.
i lack no creativity, only desire.
such expansive palate but no taste for creation.
i have words in my cupboards but i
go grocery shopping for a different hunger.
i am hurting for a different world.

said I shoulda' had a mother as I watched my tables burn

"child! you are

so beautiful!

in your waves by the sun

standing like architect pillars—

waiting for time

to tear you down"

sleeping not dreaming

of dreams when awake


it doesn't fit—
no,
it never has

stop writing me novels (because
i have never read them—and i
am not about to start)

"How to cut yourself when you're a modest man in a relationship:
Drink, write, never read, and burn."

Wish I never purged anything we shared
So I could count the days since we'd last spoken

I know you can't put a measure on sadness
But I can keep a tally of the seconds.

you brought out the best in me

How can you see colors but not
how the things you say

      (hurt me).     /

.

In every here I've ever been,
I've wanted to be somewhere else.

I look at these four letters
I use but cannot ever
truly own//
You will never be my blackness.
Never meet my skin
on your
skin.
s-s-senses
dont sense you.
cant seem to
finger on-
trigger-
it
back.
pull.
now
we
go.

I can't.
Can't I?

everything felt a little bit closer
when it was farther away
*(because it was farther away)

Oh, the ego of the English
Who have devoted to themselves
1/26th of all they know.

i open doors—and walk through walls,
open thoughts—and forget them all.

talk to a bottle—kiss midnight

i do not think i feel alright

one day you will be too poor to afford happiness

pill after pill
out of the orange
under your tongue
and into your blood

chequing account gradually dissolving into
$0.00

one day you will be too poor to afford happiness
your sanity sleeping with the devil
and i will laugh

Oh, my God, who did
Scare. I turn upward my eyes,
Walk, and faith my fears.

I still remember how to spell your (real) name

It has been another morning:
Of waking up hungover,
looking back on all the decisions I regret
and words I said too loudly.

Last night,
I did not drink
but I still
wake up
hungover with regret.

what words?—she stands
behind me, come out
from there. next—waiting—watching
what words?—gazing—what
random
collaboration of lines?—come as language—he frowns—
it is not your best*


my gift, my time, my blood—
yours.

holy ****
holy ****

am i an *******
just an *******


preach love beyond belief
*** and no text, purely grief



say to hold the one you love
hot neck, cold shoulder, lack thereof.

I will cut you a little piece of me
Slip it into your coat.
Let you take home to find
that little piece of me.

For all the times you never
Wanted it,
I will cut you a little piece of me.

Days when you come home
on thursday nights
with cigarettes in an elastic band
are like black sheep.
I count them when I fall asleep
and sometimes I lose track because
they all have blurred together.

I spoke to god, once—
and he told me
to never forget
the capital g.    / because
language exists everywhere

oops.

I woke up on your bathroom floor with linoleum lines in my cheek.
If language exists everywhere
why did you never speak to me
when you came home
on thursday nights
with cigarettes in
an elastic
band.

I wonder if you hurt to see me love another
          I hope you
                  do              a nd
                                            d o                          no    t

I want you to know,     I
    wonder too.
        What life is    to    have
     been
with                    y    ou.

I don't look back.
I look sideways at
what could have been.

I don't look back.

I see you in the pupils of
my lover.
Black.

I wonder too.
I wonder.
I wonder
if also
you?

I woke up warm today—
and your skin smelled like
coffee.

I have always
hated
the sign of caffeine
in the morning
(and you know this).


but one day you will be gone
and all I will crave
is your coffee skin
in the morning.

I woke up cold today—
like the *** of coffee
you left on the counter
last monday.

Lately I’ve been feeling out of place in places that used to bring me a lot of comfort, I don’t want to be near groups lately, I can’t remember recent events because I’m too busy remembering how I felt during those recent events than the actual events themselves, my entire day to day outlook depends solely on one feeling, a constant feeling of always knowing you’re going to be late.

He comes
and goes.
He comes
and goes.
There's always marks
and always traces.
I make
the same mistakes
in different
places.

solemn day out at sea
when even words
won't talk to me.

You*

       Don't
                  Remember
                                ­      Me.
                    Faraway.
                          ­            So
                                              Last­
                                                        Time:
  ­                      Don't come home.