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 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
R
they (mom and sister) asked me
if i was starving myself
but when they did
they smiled and
sort of giggled and
from that moment
on, i realized that
they really just
dont care about
me one
bit.
Morbid nights of endless past and future
A darkness i'd endured in unwavering solitude
A tormenting blight forged with evanascent hope
My identity had all but lost its face

A maiden forged from the scales of heaven
A twist of the warm dark waves of locke
A brown eyed hue of sparkly dews
Sculpted out a beauty divine
A never ending feast, crave my lifeless eyes

A smile is all, darkness be gone
Your laugh it strings every beat of my soul
A glow you eminate, i stray not away
A simple whisper, i waver not from your side

The nights of yore are long forgotten
Unblinking, blinding lights i endure
Hope has taken form, a beauty undiscovered
Deny this you may, an unmarked angel you are
forever mine to protect
one fine sunny day today, and
i am chilling to my bones
when i am raring to be outdoors.
like a freshly painted image
i see through the bay window,
two wine-red butterflies
gracefully diving, while chasing each other
Above the lush grass-covered ground,
of our front garden,
passing beyond and below
purple and yellow orchid flowers.
then, upon the stem of a palm leaf
the birds are in a row, taking their time
watching butterflies go by.
Rising from a chair, my knees are
shaking a bit, feeling tied together....
Still in my pajamas,
I see my red-painted toes
Wonder why they are all folded so
i bend some more to feel them toes
Uh-oh....they're all so froze
another bout of popsicle toes.....


              Sally

       Copyright 2013
  Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
*....was having high fever the time I wrote this, cold toes and all, I suddenly
thought of one of my favorite songs by Michael Franks, "Popsicle Toes..."
 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
g clair
cry
 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
g clair
cry
It's hard to think that we'd forget
but harder still is writing songs about it
We never felt so bad and yet
the therapist is bent on getting us to pout about it
for all eternity
left out of maternity
wearing funny clothes
feelin bad out my nose and

It's getting to the place
my figure's where I do declare
It's not that I'm blown out
but I'll agree It's getting there
Just my gut reaction
to the world, a huge distraction
every day is passing by
while all I do is wonder why

No one else could really care
about the heartache in my hair
how one word could scar a life
silent strife, a cross to bear
knowing it would come around
I forgave but it's still there

The only thing that mattered
the only thing we knew
was that our hearts were shattered
and still our bodies grew
and we were grown up,
the bag is filled to bursting
fed up
hungry and still thirsting

let down , turn around
see the mess we're in
carrying this bitterness
was something of a sin
what to do, just walk away
or kick it to the curb
sort through stinkin garbage
jagged memories to disturb

A typical reaction
to pain is to forget
to push it down and numb it out
something I regret
some days I can laugh about it
some days wanna to keel
God above, if you are Love
soften up this heart of steel

If it's true, that you renew me
and in you there is no lack
please wash the dirt away
and get this monkey off my back
sick of all the drama
tired of being shy
holding back, the pressure builds
The dam bursts and I cry...

and You say
Let me
Let me tell you what I think about you
Tell Me
Tell me what you think about Me
Loved you
Loved you from the start of all
creation
had you set apart
for our relation
wanted you to need me
but Im not the needy type
trying to be heard above the
noise and all the hype
now you're finally listening
Just know that you are mine.
This is what you're made for and it is not a pick-up line
I've got your back, you're covered now, forgiven and set free
Nothing separates you from my Love,
and this was meant to be...

oh, and these tears are good for you
Love lives beyond the tomb,
And earth, which fades like dew!
I love the fond,
The faithful, and the true.

Love lives in sleep:
’Tis happiness of healthy dreams:
Eve’s dews may weep,
But love delightful seems.

’Tis seen in flowers,
And in the morning’s pearly dew;
In earth’s green hours,
And in the heaven’s eternal blue.

’Tis heard in Spring
When light and sunbeams, warm and kind,
On angel’s wing
Bring love and music to the mind.

And where’s the voice,
So young, so beautiful, and sweet
As Nature’s choice,
Where Spring and lovers meet?

Love lives beyond the tomb,
And earth, which fades like dew!
I love the fond,
The faithful, and the true.
It’s thirty years since I travelled back
To wander my childhood home,
To check out the trees I used to climb
And the fields where I used to roam,
I remembered the friends that used to play,
Wendy and Paul and Mark,
And the local bully that had his way
Back then, in the Boating Park.

We’d go up there on a Sunday, pay
Our money and hire a boat,
That fourpence each to the gatekeeper
Saw the three of us afloat,
Each boat had paddlewheels either side
You could turn, and stop or start,
Or spin around in a circle, just
For fun, at the Boating Park.

The Park, laid out in a rectangle
Took an hour to paddle round,
Once out of sight of the gatekeeper
The banks would muffle the sound,
We’d scream and shriek and laugh and beam
As we rammed each other’s boats,
I often thought it a wonder that
We didn’t puncture the floats.

Then over beyond the halfway mark
We lay in the shade of trees,
The sun would sink, it was getting dark
And we’d hear the murmur of bees,
We had to pass there under a bridge
And duck, for the bridge was low,
And that’s where the bully McPherson stood
On the bridge, those years ago.

He’d jeer, throw stones and catcall as we
Tried to get under the span,
Then climb and drop into Wendy’s boat
He wouldn’t have tried with a man.
He’d paddle over the further side
And make her get out of the boat,
Then paddle it back the way we came
Get out, and leave it afloat.

One Sunday I sat under the bridge
With Paul and Mark beside,
While Wendy came along on her own
As if on a solo ride,
The bully tried the very same thing
But we each pulled on his coat,
And when he came up, he couldn’t scream
For the water lodged in his throat.

He splashed about and he tried to grab
The boat, but his clothes, like lead,
Were trying to drag him down, while Paul
And Mark, they stood on his head.
Wendy had clambered up on the bank
Controlled, and well in command,
For every time he tried to get out,
She’d stamp and stomp on his hand.

The paper said it was very strange
That he must have put up a fight,
But hadn’t the strength to pull himself
Up out of the cut that night.
His hands and fingers were shredded, where
He’d tried to climb up the bank,
But the weight of his heavy, sodden clothes
Were the demons he had to thank.

I went to visit the Boating Park
It was just the way I feared,
I met up there with an older Mark,
A man with a greying beard,
He told me Wendy and Paul were dead
Weighed down with a sense of sin,
And the gatekeeper at the Boating Park
Had gone, when they filled it in.

David Lewis Paget
 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
SN Mrax
Hide your despair from God.
Bury it deep in your heart.

Do not think of kisses,
or hands touching skin.
Do not think of meeting with relief.

Forget the blankness of
this room in the dark.
Forget the empty,
scooped out sadness,
no longer pungent.

Only when you forget your desire
can God see it
in its truth.

Cover it in a cloud of forgetting
and turn your thoughts to the simple joy
of unencumbered being.

There you are a little god,
enough to answer your own prayer.

Here you are a demon,
swathing yourself in torment.

Hide your despair from God.
Bury it deep in your heart.
 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
samasati
there could be a worm in my head
gnawing away,
like mice do through cords, and then one day
you realize
oh! the toaster doesn't work anymore!;
my mercy doesn't work anymore!
and my patience went dry like acrylic paint does
when you brush it on the canvas, and want so badly
to blend it
but it can't blend
because it's dried already, so
you should probably try oil paint or something -
I'm losing my mind
picking all the weeds out,
standing tall with peaceful pride and then realizing,
they were beautiful flowers;
I uprooted them and then chucked them in a naughty pile

I'm awful! loud in my head
stop being awful! I'm hurting people
again
and
again
and
again

find a better gardener, please never
ever
ever
ask me to tend to your soil
or your fruit
or your flowers
or anything that has to do with
nurturing
your growth
or heart health
or emotional stability
- I pull roots
like a robot; I don't even look at what I'm pulling
until after
it's been pulled out.
Your voice is like silk; the way the words fall from your lips make me desperate for you to breathe my name in the same sentence as ''you're mine.'' I only belong to you. You exist in every part of me; you are in my head, my heart, my veins. You are the missing parts of my soul. I crave you and your lips and your spine and your arms and your hands and your entire being. You move me more than any mountain, any ocean, any star-filled sky ever could. Waking up wrapped in your arms is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are slowly healing my scars, love. The way you looked at me before pressing your lips to my forehead captivated me and took my breath away. No one has ever looked at me that way before; as if I were some beautiful wonder that made your heart beat faster. I love you for looking at me like that. I know there have been others but they'll never love you like I do. You are an ocean and I am drowning in you. I have to stop myself from screaming metaphors at you and settle for a simple 'I love you' instead. Those three words will never cover what I feel for you.
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