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 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
sleepless nights
and countless attempts
of flirting with death.
fear and loneliness
until the last breath.
Written on the imprint of a prayer
Memories, tears
How did I get here,
To where I feel like I'm
Constantly begging to feel human again

Watch the sky darken
From the sixth floor
Thousands of lives intermingle below
I can't see the sun
But the clouds are always there

And what would the do if they knew
How I lost everything I was,
How I fell in love
How I keep feeling
But never think?

Crying onto the shoulder
Of the enemy
Stripped of my defenses
Accompanied, but essentially alone.
At first, I saw only her bare feet:
A bird on one, a ring of silver on the other.
Move up, her ankles, twitching to a beat,
A song my ears longed to discover.

Her calves were pale and bruised but strong.
Her knees were scarred by living in motion.
Her thighs, so inviting, so smooth, so long.
Her hips rocked like the wave of a calm ocean.

Imagining my fingers tracing her waist,
Slim but soft, Oh, it must be so warm.
The beat of my heart rose til it raced
When I reached her small *******, to secrecy sworn.

Her shoulders a garden of a single rose,
And thousands of freckles: sprawled chickory
Were by the sun that day specially chose
To take my breath and put me on my knees.

Her arms were built to hold all in the world.
Her hands to touch the life of each she meets,
And as they rose and within her short hair twirled,
For the first time, her face I would see.

A mouth of pink to compliment rosy cheeks,
A button nose fit for a child's doll,
A small gap between her front, straight white teeth
Formed a smile that could have caused Rome to fall.

But her eyes, how they shone under their frames.
The blue, green and gold of sunken treasure.
Behind them danced sadness, strength and pain
Mixed with  happiness and passion that had no measure.

Her eyes met mine and all at once, I froze.
She smiled and God must have smiled, too, above.
She came to me and from my spot I rose.
She grinned "Hello" and then I fell in love.
Everyone should have a love poem written about them, no matter who it's from.
 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
Kitty Prr
I am not coping
It's all too much.

Where is my support?
Sitting next to me using your laptop
You don't notice I'm drowning.

You used to be so supportive
You helped me cope and be strong.
Now I have found my inner strength
You have taken your strength away.

I can cope so much better than before
But not completely, on my own.
Just because I Can cope
Doesn't mean I should have to.

I don't want to cope!
I want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I want someone to hold me while I cry.
I am so tired.
Now mind is clear
as a cloudless sky.
Time then to make a
home in wilderness.

What have I done but
wander with my eyes
in the trees? So I
will build:  wife,
family, and seek
for neighbors.

                     Or I
perish of lonesomeness
or want of food or
lightning or the bear
(must tame the hart
and wear the bear).

And maybe make an image
of my wandering, a little
image—shrine by the
roadside to signify
to traveler that I live
here in the wilderness
awake and at home.
 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
the morning sun
swallowing my bedroom
looks more violent
with each day that
i lack the motivation
to face it
It is half past one in the morning and
The red digits from the alarm clock
Lecture me for thinking about you.

The pillow next to me
Harbors your absence,
And the loneliness holds me.

I glare at the numbers,
Fully aware that I will be exhausted come morning.
Then the time changes and it is one thirty-one.
i can not believe in a life without you.
it goes against my whole religion,
which says that above all is love
and that nature holds all secrets of the universe
-so that when every star above my head
somehow matches the gleams of your eyes,
or the curve of your lips remind me
of the oceans ever-stirring waves.
or when the wind that catches my hair
does so to the rhythm of your rising,
falling chest with every breath-
i will not take for granted
the small and subtle ways that i can find you
in the world's most simple, natural places.
this is not a love that was made,
but rather found,
as the diamond is uprooted from her earth.
you are the most precious stone
i'll ever get to hold.
 Oct 2013 Selena Irulan
Looking into your eyes;
Clear and glassy, a beautiful blue
Why did I have to meet you?
I would have preferred never meeting you
That way I’d have nothing to regret
Now that you’re only a memory I can’t forget
Why couldn’t I stay strong?
Why couldn’t I have kept fighting?
I’ll tell you why… I’m weak
And now I’m left here alone feeling ***** inside
I’m hiding behind a smile now
I’m no longer an innocent little girl
Why did you have to strip me of my innocence?
This guilt is like a worm, eating away at my insides
Even though I’m still a ******
You took away my purity
Disappear from my life please!
My innocence was like a blanket
And now you ripped it off of my body
I’m now standing here alone, naked and cold
No matter how hard I try to hide it…
I can’t find a way to cover the rawness you left me with
God help me find peace!
I need Your unfailing grace and love
Wash away my filth and make me new
I Beg You!
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