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JM Apr 2016
You were my first broken heart

I don’t know what was the start
I called out to you
You didn’t hear
I wanted you to love me
But here I am shedding another tear
Why do I have to beg for you?
When all that is left of you is a distant memory
I’m sick of hurting alone but it’s what I do

You were my first broken promise

I’m going to be honest
You taught me how to close my heart
If I stopped caring, I wouldn’t feel the hurt
You are why I don’t want to have a daughter
I can’t protect her from the hurt people like you can cause her
I don’t want her to see the world for the dark place it is
And the people for the selfish beings they are

You were my first disappointment

Sometimes people hurt others for their own enjoyment
I don’t want her to feel the pain of trusting someone
Then watching them walk away
Or the pain that can come from wondering why
Why she wasn’t good enough for the people that she…
Would have never given up on

You were my first dead end

I needed a love that wasn’t just pretend
I’ve tried to trust you and be fair
With everything I was, I tried not to care
But I couldn’t
I can’t

You were my first loss of innocence

Isn’t that such a coincidence?
I’ve followed a path of destruction
The one you paved for me
It doesn’t matter what I say
Regardless, you’ll still walk away

You were my First…
You are My First…

Thanks for being my First Dad
JM Dec 2015
I knew I was over you when I stopped putting my phone on the loudest sound setting before going to bed to make sure I would wake up if you texted me
I knew I was over you when your name no longer came up in my recently searched on Facebook
I knew I was over you when I stopped waking up at night to check my phone for a call, text, or even a snap chat
I knew I was over you when I stopped making excuses  to talk to you
I knew I was over you when I stopped asking our friends how you were doing
I knew I was over you when I finally hit that delete button and watched the last three years of my life get erased
I knew I was over you when I boxed up all of the stuff you had given me
I knew I was over you when I gave you back your t-shirt
I knew I was over you when I stopped waking up to dreams about you
I knew I was over you when our song came on the radio and I no longer had to change the station
I knew I was over you when I could look at our Facebook  memories and not feel my heart break all over again
I knew I was over you when I stopped crying over what was no longer mine
I knew I was over you when I stopped imagining you regretting your decision
But most importantly...
I knew I was over you when I saw you and I no longer hated you for what you did to me but felt grateful to you  for what you taught me during the time I was with you
...that's when I knew I was over you
Thank You
JM Oct 2015
What is love?
Love is pain
Love is giving your all and getting nothing back
Love is the use of time on others who don't care
Love is waiting for someone to notice
Love is continuing to hold onto nothing hoping for something
Love is selfless
Love is brokenness
Love is conditional
Love is blind
love.... Love... LOVE...
LOVE HURTS!!!
But love...
Love is precious
Love is boundless
Love is the small things
Love is unmeasurable
Love is true
Love is constant
Love, real love, doesn't leave
Love may hurt, but it reminds us that we are still human
Love breaks, it bends, it molds, and it comes when we don't want it
...But love, Love is there
Love...
What is Love?
JM Oct 2015
I am Tired...
Tired of being lied to
Tired of not being good enough
Tired of being second choice
Tired of this constant pool of tears behind my eyes
Tired of pretending to be ok
Tired of this mask
Tired of this smile
Tired of opening up to people
Tired of agendas
Tired of false hope
Tired of being hurt
Tired of this pain
Tired of living
...I am *Tired
JM Jul 2015
When did girls start becoming so self-conscious of their looks?
When did the focus shift from baby dolls and fairytales to makeup and skipping dinner?
One day we are pretending to be moms, the next day we are taking measures that could ruin our chances of being that
Scraped knees and muddy feet turn into nylons and stilettos
Girls slowly come to the realization that they must become the objects pleasing to the eyes of men if they want to get far in life
Beauty becomes a job and we put in our hours day in and day out
Our only payment becomes the compliments, the catcalls, and the brief feeling of acceptance
These are only temporary and it isn’t long before we begin to feel withdrawals of our need for acceptance
We push harder for the attention of others, but we can never measure up to that prettier girl next to us
Scrolling the Internet for remedies to make our not so soft skin softer, trying to buy the newest eyeliner to make our not so big eyes bigger, sticking our fingers down our throats to make our not so skinny waist skinnier
When will this madness end?
No matter how hard we try we can never reach perfection, someone will always seem better in our eyes
But then comes the ridicule for being “fake”
You can’t wear makeup anymore, it’s false advertising!
But when you don’t you are ridiculed for how imperfect your skin is, how small your eyes are, and how thin your lips look
Girls are made fun of for being too fat, and they are made fun of for being too skinny
Insults ranging from “Hey fatso!” to “Oh my gosh! She must have a eating disorder”
Girls get thrown into this circus, forced to walk the tightrope while the crowd shouts and throws their opinions in hopes of knocking someone off
“Come one, come all! Lets see how far she gets before she falls!”
No matter which way you go someone will root for you to fail
The little girl who dreamed of being a princess now dreams to be let out of this hell she has been put in
And one day, our daughters will have to face the same things…
Unless we fight for them
It’s time to take care of each other
A single compliment, a smile can go a long way
One day my little girl will look at me and ask
“How can I be beautiful?”
And I will answer
*“My darling, beauty isn’t defined by looks, beauty by looks is fleeting, you will be beautiful by how you find the beauty in others, you will be beautiful in the way you are respectful to those superior to you, you will be beautiful for your love for the hurting, and you will be beautiful because my darling,
God made you beautiful in your own way,
From the Inside Out
JM Jun 2015
Innocence stripped
Purity gone
The line has been drawn
I can no longer hold my head high about the things I held dear
Willfully given, yet greedily taken without remorse
I could not say no to his force
You do anything to keep the ones you love
But I realized too late that I was drowning in a lie
If this was true love I wouldn't hurt and cry
Happiness gone
Contentment stripped
You left me here with a broken heart that couldn't be knit                  
I've built up my walls, good luck trying to hurt me now      
Love is a battlefield and this time I'm prepared for war
Love is a gamble and I won't keep laying my cards down at your table
One day I'll look back on these days and know I learned from it
But all I've learned so far is that I can love someone to the ends of the Earth...
And they can still hurt me worse
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