my friend,

if you were afraid
of dying alone

of having lived
without purpose

of staying
of leaving

without anyone
to recall your name,

rest easy, rest easy,
rest easy.

we will remember you,
i will remember you.

in another life
we are in your heart
and you are whole
and you are home

and you recognize
the love everyone has for you
and you don't feel alone

and you do not break
where you stand

in another life,
you would not be the person
you thought you became

and the sound
of the names of your failures
does not bring you
to your knees.

they do not wound you
or make you bleed

they do not destroy
what we held so dearly.

in another life
you choose to stay

and
you do not disappear.

you kiss me the way nobody ever has before.
not without expecting something in return.
and here i am sick and runny-nosed and you love me anyway
you love me in a whole new way,
but it is honest,
genuine.
you love me, hesitantly at first
and then you threw yourself into it,
and so did i.

and suddenly i am looking at the stars
through light polluted skies;
suddenly i am finding you in all my favorite songs
suddenly,
you are my favorite song
and my favourite eyes,
my favorite,
and you feel how i imagine what home feels like.
baby, i'm home.

darling, no,
the coffee
won’t keep you and i
awake

and the breakfast you just had,
will not fill you.

the sun itself will still shine
but it will not reach
your floors

and the moon
will not win
over the shadows.

it will be striking silence
that greets you
when you make it outside,

and you will find,
the world still turns
without you.

and you'll know that if you love,
sometimes,
you will lose.

prayers will fall
on deafened ears,

no hands will rise
to dry your tears

and life
will keep marching on.

it does not end
when you are gone.

but wait, darling,
a moment,
before you leave.

do not abandon me
to grieve,

do not leave me behind.

because even though the world
might be fine
and all the stars
will still inevitably,
shine,

i cannot attest
to what will be left
of mine.

it is you who have kept
the beats in my chest
and finally,
gave my soul a home.

i know,
i cannot possibly do this
on my own

so stay,
i beg of you,
please stay,
with me.

baby,
without you,
there is no poetry.

i love her,
more than i ever
will be able to quantify,
and more than she will ever know.

some days,
i need a pair of arms
to fall into,
that feel more like home
than an open door

other days,
i want to be kept
the way the devout
keep their prayers

or the way sinners
keep their forgiveness
pressed in their palms

i've always wanted to belong
to someone
who didn’t need to stay

someone who chose me anyway
in spite of the mess i carry,
and the disarray

this time,
i need this girl,
her,
to be okay
with my weaknesses

And i promise,
i will love her, still,
and i hope,
she loves me the same.

i kiss her,
and she whispers my name
as i do so,
and i hope it won't ever hurt her
to say it

when i pull away,
her eyes glitter
and shimmer
and i hope it stays that way
for always.

she holds me close,
and it feels like home.

please,
go slow, go gentle,
learn to hesitate,
before you let yourself fall.

before you risk it all,
on someone else,
you must first protect yourself
before you let it all go.

you'll never know
how they will choose to hold your heart.
it could all fall apart
in the palm of their hands.

and then you will not be able to stand
again.

you will be on your knees
begging for their mercy
or reprieve,

you will once again
succumb to your grief
as it carries you home.
you will be left alone,
yet again,
to your own suffering
and there will be nothing
to dry your tears.

you will dissolve,
and disappear,
into your despair,
a penance you will have to bear
as it swallows you whole.

so please, my dear friend,
protect your soul
because it is too precious to break.

i cannot bear to know you ache
deeper than everyone else,

you do not belong on the shelf
i reserve for those that are broken,
as another poem for the lost,
that is too great a cost
that i cannot dare to pay.

go slowly, my friend,
hesitate.
stay.

do not jump and fall away
if someone will not become your wings.

you do not deserve the ending
that comes from the far fall.

you do not deserve to be hurt
at all.

baby, it is two in the morning
and i have seen every hour
since the beginning of the week.

i no longer sleep,
because there’s nothing left
for me to retain
except for the memories
that ruin me like ghosts
and i am now the building
they haunt.

i am no longer a home,
because home is where the heart is
and mine is where i left it,

in your hands,
broken and fallen apart,
in the spines of books
and the spaces of my letters,
in everything

just so that it isn’t in me anymore.

i can no longer bear it, really.

it is two in the morning,
and the ghosts are stirring
from the shadows of my walls.

i do not miss you at all.

i think.