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Eliana  Jan 2014
Panic Attack
Eliana Jan 2014
Breathe.
Freeze.
Don't move.
Don't talk.
****.
Do not move.
Stop breathing.
Stare.
Calm down.
Breathe.
No.
Nonono.
Too much.
It hurts.
Oh, ****, it hurts.
They've noticed.
Freeze.
Stop staring.
Make them think you're okay.
Leave me alone.
Shut up.
Shut up shut up ****, too loud.
Way too loud.
Don't talk.
Do not get up.
Run.
Runrunrunrun.
No.
Hurts.
Dig your nails into your arms.
Pick a scab.
Now another one.
Blood.
Yes.
Good.
Now hide.
Curl up in a ball and hide.
Don't move.
No.
Nonono.
Can't get away.
Make it stop.
Can't.
Please.
Pleasepleaseplease go away.
Help me.
Breathe.
Freeze.
Don't move.
Don't talk.
Written December 17, 2013
I don't even know about this one. I adapted it from the page I scrawled all over in my notebook while it was happening.
basil  Jul 2020
my shiniest penny
basil Jul 2020
i picked out my shiniest penny
and threw it in the wishing well
crossing my fingers
and whispering 'pleasepleaseplease'
as you filled my thoughts

eleven years hasn't made me any wiser
just more sarcastic
but i still pick out my shiniest penny
for that old wishing well
and wish for you
with crossed fingers
i miss you so much, papa. i hope i see you in another life.

07.07.2020

— The End —