Thank you for visiting this page.
Please press 5 on your keyboard
to proceed.
Thank you for pressing 5.
That was just to ensure you are alert and active
and doing something instead
of falling asleep as you read this poem.
Press 4.
Press 2.
And 6. And 8. And 9.
See, that keeps you awake.
As we were saying:
Welcome.
And to read the poem
please press 8.
Did you?
No, you didn’t!
We didn’t even feel a thing!
Please note
your reading and responses may be recorded
by a mind-reader and
your feelings as you read
this poem will be e-captured
by a soul-reader.
If you do not wish to be recorded
please press 9.
And 10.
And 2534.
And 6. And 8.
Now, please be informed you’ll still be recorded anyway
for training purposes
as this ****** poet here has no idea what poetry is.
Press 7 for fun.
And now press 229 for distraction.
Good. Your pressing skills have improved since we started.
Now, you may read the poem:
“Jack and Jill
went up the hill
and Jack came running back to mummy:
‘Mummy! Mummy!’
said Jack
‘Jill pulled my pants down
and poured ice-cold water
on either side
of my bottom!’”


When you finish reading
please press 23567876549807975987
and just for the heck of it
press 8.
Wow, that feels nice.
Thank you.
Now, that you have read the poem
and pressed a few numbers like a thoroughbred idiot
we are processing our reading
of your responses
as you read the poem.
Please hold on; this may take a few seconds;
you may hug the computer screen while you wait;
and please minimize that **** page immediately.
And for the fun of it,
we suggest you press 13.
And here is the result of your reading this idiotic poem
as revealed by our recordings of your responses and feelings:
You blady isdizot! You &&&%%$$^# !!!!!
You hate this poem! You think this is 67757####!
Get out of here, you nicmo9088768!
Never ever come back here to this page!


Now if you like – you may press 9…
Now you may hang up and return to that **** page you minimized.
Please call again – no, not at the **** page
but here at the Idiot Writes Idiot Poems Page…
Thank you. Please press 5 before you hang up.
Oh, that feels so good…could you press – hey!
Come back here!