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Mateuš Conrad
36/M/Essex (England)    as attempted in third person biographical form: will not write in third person, an ongoing auto- and first person - salvo!
F    I've started sharing my poetry on instagram @heyo.matato Follow if you want :)
Third Mate Third
I thank you in advance for any kind words. Battle ego like a cancer. A Third Mate is a licensed member of the deck department …

Poems

BRIANO ALLIANO PERFORMING ON THE SUN




HI DUDES AND NOW, TO HOPEFULLY FREE MY SPIRIT, LET’S SCARE AWAY THESE TERRORISTS

FROME EVER GETTING US, THE FIRST SONG IS I’M A HOOLIGAN, PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS


YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS YOUNG YOU SEE

I WAS A TAD DIFFERENT YA SEE

I HATED WHAT THE WORLD HAD IN STORE FOR ME

SO I DEVELOPED MY NEW BRAND OF HOOLIGAN

YOU SEE, PEOPLE SAY TO ME SILLLY THINGS

LIKE HOOLIGANS TEASE FOR ME

I WENT OUT AND PLAYED COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS NOW

AND I SANG

I AM A HOOLIGAN, PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A YEAH MATE YEAH KID

I SAY I AM A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

BUT REALLY I AM A DIFFERENT KIND OF COOL KID, YEAH

YOU SEE SOME BIG BOZO NICKED MY LUNCH

AND SAID DON’T GET KIDNAPPED BE LIKE US

CAUSE HE WANTED TO PROTECT ME FROM THE HOOLIGANS YEAH

HE SAID, NO DUDE, HOOLIGANS TEASE FOR ME

AND HAVE A NICE HOT CUP OF TEA OR COFFEE

AND PLAY COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS, LIKE A HOOLIGAN

YA SEE, I AM A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

I HATE THE LIFE OF A BORING FAMILY, LIKE MINE WAS AT THE PRESENT

BUT I LIVE IN THE PRESENT, FOR A PRESENT OH DEAR

I AM A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS, WHO JUST WANNA GO TO BED

YOU SEE AS I DO MY TAPESTRY, I SIT THERE SMILING AT YOU

CAUSE YOUR A LITTLE FAMILY KID, WHO PLAYS AROUND WITH MYSELF

BUT I CAN CREATE AN IMAGINARY FAMILY OUT OF ALL THE IMAGES IN MY HEAD

I TRY AND SAY I AM NOT A PHEDAPHILE, I’M A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS ALL DAY LONG

I AM A HOOLIGAM PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

I AM BEING TOLD TO GO TO BED TO MUCK FAMILY FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

MY FEET ARE PLANTED ON THE FLOOR, YA SEE I AM A HOOLIGAN A HOOLIGAN A HOOLIGAN

PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE

YOU SEE, THE VISIONS OF OLD FOGIES YEAH

TREATING ME LIKE A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS, YEAH MATE YEAH

REALLY DUDES, I AM NOT A YEAH MATE YEAH KID ANYMORE, I WAS TRYING TO BE A HOOLIGAN, THIS IS HOW IT GOES

I WAS A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY SAY, I JUST WANTED TO BE A HOOLIGAN

I WAS TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND THE DANGERS OF WHAT HOOLIGANS FACE

I WAS PLAYING, OH PLAYING, YEAH I WAS PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS EVERY DAY


AND NOW HERE IS KIDNAP MY SOUL


I WANT THEV TERRORISTS TO KIDNAP MY SOUL, GET RID OF MY LITTLE YEAH MATE YEAH KID

I WANT TO FACE THEV WORLD ALONE, YEAH I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL YEAH

I DON’T WANT THE TERRORISTS TO REALLY GET ME, I AM NOT STUPID, MAN

BUT I WANT TO RID THIS SILLY VOICE, TRYING TO MAKE ME REMIND ME IM USED TO BE A HOOLIGAN

I KNOW, I WILL BE A TV STAR, OR I HAVE TO DO, I9S PARTY

AND IF I SOUND BORING, YEAH MATE YEAH

I HAVE TO WORK ON MY VOICE

I KNOW, I WAS A HOOLIGAN WHEN I LIVED IN WOODBERRY

BECAUSE, I HAD NO KNOWLEDGE, I HAD NO ENERGY

I WAS JUST ISOLATED IN MY ROOM

I KNOW, ALL I DO NOW IS MY COMPUTER, BUT I CAN BE COOL AS WELL

I GO OUT TO FUN EVENTS, YEAH MATE YEAH I AM COOL

AND I WANT THEM TO COME AND KIDNAP MY SOUL

AND WHISK ME AWAY, OH YEAH, I LIKED BEING A DIFFERENT PERSON

AND UNTILL I LEARNT THE TRUTH, BEING A HOOLIGAN WAS FUN AS WELL

PLEASE UNLEASH MY WOODBERRY SPIRIT, AND ALLOW ME TO WASH AWAY MY SPIRIT OH YEAH

DON’T MAKE ME ALWAYS REGRET, SOME CRIME, I DID UMPTEEN YEARS AGO

I WAS ONLY A HOOLIGAN CAUSE OF LAST 2 HUMAN LIVES KIDNAPPED AND KILLED AT 8

PLEASE, ALLOW ME, TIME TO GET OUT OF THIS LIFE

CAUSE, MY FAMILY THINKS IT’S COOL TO TREAT ME SHY

IF I AM SHY, I AM A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS, WHICH MY FAMILY ARE

YEAH, THEY HAVE FUN, BUT I PREFER THE SHAYTARDS, CAUSE I AM A COOLER FAMILY MAN

YESTERDAY I WAS GIVEN IMAGES OF MY MUM EATING LIKE A SCHITZOPHRENIC

AND, I HAVE WEIRD VIBES, WHEN I SOMETIMES EAT THERE, I CAN’T HELP IT, I JUST WANTED BACK THEN

TO BE A HOOLIGAN, PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS,

COMING TO KIDNAP MY FUCKEN SOUL

I AM DIFFERENT FROM MY FAMILY, CAUSE THEY ARE CHRISTIANS OR NICE TO CHRISTIANS

I TRY AND BE NICE TO ME, CAUSE I AM A BUDDHIST, WHO IS BEING PUSHED DOWN

TO BE A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS EVERY DAY

AND AS I SIT UP HERE ON THE MOON, I SAY, LOOK AT THOSE YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

BEING ****** IN TO FAMILY LIFE, AND I AM TRYING TO GET REFORMED FROM

A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

CAUSE, MY LIFE IS GREAT, BUT STILL I SUFFER

BUT I STILL PREFER TO BE A BUDDHIST ARTIST WRITER AND YOUTUBE ENTERTAINER

THAN A UNEMPLOYED ***, EVERYONE WANTS THE PERFECT LIFE

WHY I CAN’T I BE ONE OF THE FUNLOVERS, DUDES

OR DO YOU WANT ME TO BE A HOOLIGAN PLAYING COOL FOR YEAH MATE YEAH KIDS

WHO GO TO BED SAYING THEY ARE OLD TIME *******

HELLO OLD, I AM BRIAN
We need to party mate, party mate while your parents are asleep
I don’t care how you party mate
Even if the younger sibling teases the older one
For both people it is a party mate, party mate
While the parents are asleep
Listen to the bay city rollers and poison too with Barnsy and the Beatles yeah that is so cool
We need to party mate, party mate while the parents are asleep wake everybody up in the street partying while your parents are asleep
You see when they are asleep
They can’t boss us around
We can really put our music on and rage
We need to party mate, party mate while the adults are asleep
Yeah we watch a lot of movies
We cry and feel amazing
But one thing we don’t need to be is a tad very crazy
And then we make a smoothie of our choice out of the ninja bullet oh yeah
We need to party mate party mate
While the adults are asleep
But I see dad getting up to spend a penny we have to be very quiet
It all works out and dad is back in bed and it is time to party all night long
We need to party mate party mate while the adults are asleep
Mum gets up and opens our door and says what is happening in there
We just said we are watching the late movie on tv and we feel real cool
Mum said fine go to bed real soon
And when she left we said to each other
We need to party mate party mate while the adults those boring adults are asleep
And when we reach the age of 50 when our parents are either old or dead you do your needlework and watch your wasteline and entertain yourself
Saying when we were young we partied mate partied mate
When our parents were asleep
We were cool man
briano alliano at neptune pub


  Smile at Brian, olds


you see as we are searching through the afterlife

looking for friends to call our own

you hear mates calling out to me, to smile at me olds, sure mate

you see if you old fogies, smile at brian

you are paving the way to not smile at me

old biddies smile, oh yeah they do

let’s party party party, a man called me ******* last night

because i use too many caps, because he was scared that writing is too fucken harsh

you see my old mates are forcing my leg to itch

when this mate wants to muck with me,  said mate leave me alone

ya see i am not getting teased or fought,, oh no mate no, i would prefer people to muck with me

as i hear my brother as a child, when he said, we’re not mucking with you, no mate no

i said, probably dad and mum are treating me like a cool kid

cause i bounce on their backs, yeah i felt so HAPPY

you shouldn’t worry about whether or not, i am working now

everyone takes time out from their job to really enjoy life, yeah

you see it drives me crazy, to have my mates say, smile at Brian olds, come on smile at brian

you see brian isn’t like the kids,yeah i fight dad for this, cause he really bothered me

ya know with his crazy adult, trying to keep me with him and mummy, man

i hate it, i hate it, please stop, please stop, please stop, no kids want to be like their parents like this

that is why i looked so negative, and i hate my mates treating me like a negative ****, i prefer to be positive

someone called me ******* over youtube, but i must slowly get myself past this

because the guy was a complete loser, his videos weren’t as COOL, as mine

you see it was like the fucken ARMY, what a loser, baby

i am not *******, dude, no mate no, i wanna have fun, yeah mate yeah

you see, this guy was a stepping stone, ya see he called me a ****** because i do CAPS

i know how to load cool stuff on the computer yeah, i am able to have fun, yeah

this teaser is a real loser, yeah, his videos are boring as batspoo, yeah mate yeah

ok npw here is another song


i am a cowboy a youtube cowboy i play around on youtube oh yeah

i party at home on youtube, oh yeah, yeah, man, i am so cool

i break no rules of the youtube cowboy rules

no i break no rules oh no mate no

i don’t copyright any of my hits, yeah, i am a youtube cowboy, yeah mate yeah

ya see my dad is working overtime, trying to get me to use more lowercase

so he made a person tease me last night, to see how i would act

i am a cowboy a youtube cowboy, i am happy doing songs

i sing oh dear, boy can i sing, and i sing rattatat tat tat tat tat

and every day as i played on cyber space, i saw some kids playing in the back yard

i came up to them and pushed them in the pool, just like a youtube cowboy actually actually does

i am a cowboy a youtube cowboy, i wish these voices would stop

i wish the cosmos would stop pulling our cool kids or anything out of us

no i don’t want a mal-functioned brain, you see that it feels great, yeah

because some of the dead are pulling the wrong things out of me, oh yeah mate yeah

like my nice kid, who was nice to everyone, ya see in this day and age we need to be nice, yeah

yeah party with one hell of a ****** RAGE

i don’t want any online predators, getting their hands on me

cause, i write my stories, dudes, and have a load of fun oh yeah

i am a cowboy a youtube cowboy i have fun, oh yeah i do

ya see, people are interested in what i have to say, so i will wash this loser who called me ******* away

ya see he is a oxymoron, his brain is the size of a pea

i put on my youtube hat yeah, and i say, yeah mate ****** yeah

i told ya i was this cowboy who posts his stuff online, and i have fun doing that

ya see, this is a load of fun yeah, and my youtube shows sure mate, nearly scared the cat

ya see i am on medication ya silly man yeah, i am not ******* no mate no

i can do anything i can put my mind to, yeah i am a cool cowboy, anyway

i am a cowboy a youtube cowboy, no matter what people think of me, i still inspire

please keep your kids safe from online predators and teach them how to handle online teasers

cause i am a cowboy a youtube cowboy, I PARTY I PARTY I PARTY, through each day and night

i hear voices of the reason why they are teasing me, cause i am trying to be a cool young dude, yeah mate yeah

i hate being treated like a ******, but i say to you is this, is this teaser, was as boring yeah mate yeah

if his videos are anything to go by, they could be kids, oh yeah they could be kids

but nothing will stop me from being a cowboy a youtube cowboy

i am not too WOOSEY to be like the computer nerds

i am a cowboy a youtube cowboy, who has fun partying all ****** day long

ya see, i hate how the cosmos lifts people up, when they are acting for a play

why are they so reluctant, to take us famous peoples cool streak away


ok dudes, catch ya later, and to pour methane smoothies all over dad and also my nanny and granny

to get rid of their old fogie, ready to call me sweety old love old chum old PAL oh pet