"She smells like ***"
I could hear them whisper
Did they really think that they were better
Just because I was 7 and smelled like ***
and they didn't cause they were cleaner than me.

"what a freak, she said she's part lizard"
Yes I did and also I'm a wizard
and I dont think you should call a wizard names.
Please stop laughing this is not a game.

"snicker snicker, we think we're better"
I see this and its not effecting me,
at least not now, in a conscious degree.
I am only 7 and i dont get why your mean.
I tried to be your friend, I told you my favorite color was green.
I told you how my dad was a super hero cop who faught the
aliens off.
I said that and I meant it too.
I thought you could tell me about your dad too...
Cause mine, well he's got alot of alien fighting to do.
and i haven't seen him since i was 5.
Oh my mom, I dont know if she's alive.
My grandma took me from her, I dont know why.
Something about germany, and *** slavery but I am 7 and dont know anything.
I told you about how my mom promised me a new world, she said i was her girl and we were leaving this place. She said the people here were of a lower race, and that when we got there it would be like outer space.
I told you how the power rangers lived at my house
and how even though im only 7 i still have a spouse.
told you my grandmother knows everything in the world and you can't convince me different Oh and she's rich, and i think shes a reverend. She reads alot a bibles, and tells me I may go to hell.
But hey remember I'm a wizard so I'll just cast a spell.

"she is crazy, i dont get her"
Your talking to loud to pretend that you whisper.
Your making to much fun to pretend that your better.
Because I may be 7 and I may be a wizard, I may smell like *** and I may be half lizard. But I'm a good person and I know thats what I am suppose to be. I'm nice to you, even though you hate me. I treat you well even though you berate me.  I try to impress you even though i see its no use lately.
I tried so hard but now I'm 8
Now My heart is filled with hate.
I've been abused,
My thoughts misused.
My mind mislead
My heart now dead.
Im Getting tired, and I'm gettign quiet.
You called me a liar  said you didn't buy it.
So i shut it. You dont want my stories
I dont want to tell you
dont want to hear my glory?
I dont blame you.
I'm useless. Im boring
Im stupid I'm dumb.
I'm 8 years old and I've stopped having fun.

But hey my moms back now, and she is living with me.
She hits me really hard, almost constantly .
You would never know that
and I would never tell.
I wonder if my grandma can send her to hell.
I wonder if you knew, if any of you would care...
That at night I am beat, and drug by my hair.
That I night I am hungry and far away.
That when not a school I am just as abused
as they way you do me here.

I’m lost and no one is looking.
I’m incapable of breath.
I’m a horrendous matinee,
To which no one bought a ticket.
The vacant audience’s presence is accusing;
Disappointed and Unimpressed.

But my matinee croons on,
Waiting for a chance to be adored;
Loved or Treasured.
Each scene filled with the hope;
That an admirer will step forth,
From the outskirts of the empty theatre.

But the strangers on the streets stroll on,
While I become a stranger to the stage;
Unsure of a direction or dialoge I will falter
And fail.

Halfway clutched
With my rib cage crushed
I said the words out loud
"She's both pretty and smart, she's it"
And that's not a thing to come from me
For anybody else than you
For you are the only so far
That convinced me that you're right
And that spooned out my heart
From only a handful passes in time
That lapsed in our lives

And on nights like these
When your name goes by
In some passing unimportant talk
And quickly forgotten by those who asked and heard
I dialoge with the walls
For there is no other to hear
It only echoes across the air
For a brief moment in time
And then gets inside me again
To be trapped 'till the next time
Your name is mentioned again
My words are not heard by you
I do wish they were

Your rent will always be paid for that place in the corner of my heart

Kept company by a December’s unexpected, but welcome, rebellion.
Two bare feet alternate between three textured pedals
But my whole self doesn’t always find itself in unison.
The engine stalls as I realize December pulled a fast one.
One of the most beautiful days I’ve ever seen.
When the sun keeps you warm from the cold air blowing past.
You have the scene arrange itself—as it will seem to do—          
With my afterthought, dialoge composed of
I have saved this afternoon for you          
And four wax candles in this darkened room,          
Four drops of light defying gravity
Falling upon the ceiling overhead,                    
An atmosphere of an ancient tomb          
Prepared for all the things to be said, or left unsaid.          
Have you looked at your latest generic analytics?
Transmit the Prelude through eyelashes and fingertips.          

We have too many choices and half we never pick
It’s funny, because life almost makes me sick
The sun isn’t overwhelmed or ever forgets to emit
It just follows it’s purpose, there is no option to quit.

And yet we complain of the common cold.
The traffic.
Sometimes this social prison leaves a human left tragic
And while some believe in things such as the Hoodini-esque magic
As we watch the bag boy grab the milk –then double-bag it
That same bag will choke some wild animal that missed it.
And that’s just another item on the Scapegoat list been listed.

i.xii.xii