DelBear 3030, this ink abuse is for you
A silent guardian of my sanity that's got my baseball team on you too
You don't judge, you simply abide when I'm talking to myself in my room lost in Depression or feeling especially despised

Del, the Funky Sox Bear you're a friend who's seen me laugh, cry, write, create And destroy
You've seen me through almost all phases, you're more than a toy
A silent fuzzy diary, I couldn't ask for a better friend,
Del The Funky Sox Bear And Nero, White Sox until the end

There is a light on..
if it is a lamp
I decrease by lessening shades of ever night
If it is a being,
I retreat
From vapor sting
Of foul breaths to eyes

My camouflage none
But naked self and instinct

And into the deep holes
And crevasse
Of a land rich
With nothing sovereign
It’s only King
Cruelty and self

My pallor is shot
This atmosphere has left thick residue
(Ash and grey)
I have morphed into a refugee
I wear the cloak of ruggedness
I own the heart of fear

I consider my last moments here ..
what memories might come to mind?
Thoughts of home ..
a distance so heartbreaking to travel
My family ...
faces like ghosts
It moves my insanity so
that I cannot remember their touch

Chambers:
I am moving blood
And dust
Pumping one ..
to put off the other

I find no need for sacrifice
The little goat would do me no good
It’s bleating a cry out to nothing
It’s slaughter would do me no good
But to lend fat to my skin and bones
And forward my march
Into another day

One I might be too weary to exist in
If it were not the fear
Of the pain that will carry me into death

Strange trip through time as the music I hear comes from when I was in highschool.

Currently I am 31, Korn are now an old band, smoking has been replaced by the juul and I find myself thinking when did I no longer have my finger on the pulse of society?

Do teenagers know that their culture is created by 30 and 40 year olds who know them so well that they can target their individuality and make a profit out of them?

Did I?

I was rocking out to The Cure and The *** Pistols in highschool while everyone around me was listening to the black eyed peas and slipknot and somehow I still see the irony of it all.

How detached am I?

Is youth the key to being in touch with whats happening unless you find yourself as an influencer?  

Another social term that only existed in fashion magazines when I was in highschool now we focus on Instagrams and snapchats to tell us what's what and what fashion to follow.

I'm trending on my younger self and what we call **** riding or *** kissing is now called stanning... Am I losing touch?

is this what age does or does society simply become more marketable and I fall for less the older I get?

At what point do I walk away and become old and just simply don't get it?

Age sneaks up on us and soon we forget and lose track of what's happening and soon we have a group of highschool wannabe punk *** kids laughing at us as we stand in line at the mall, wired, tired and exhausted from work but we've only got a few hours to get this last minute gift for our friend or for a babyshower and we make under what we deserve because we bust our *** and yet the house payment racks up and our manager who is younger than us by a year somehow thinks they're better than us, so we have to see these hoodie wearing smirking *** teenage brats mock us, meanwhile we can outdrink, outparty, outfuck and out run them because no matter how hard they think they are, we've got the experience to support us.

Age sneaks up and soon those punk *** whiny instastars become 30 year olds who say the same **** we do because when we're young everyone lives forever and hindsight is 3030 or 4040 but this is part bitter, part better, its part knowledge and part wisdom, it's part jaded and part self aware.

At the end of the day it's all just signs of age.